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The End Of The Universe
2g of P. cyanescens (dry) mixed with honey
Trip Date: January 25, 2007
Solipsism is a very good description of what happened on this trip. I decided to use a meditation technique found on the World Mind Society website in his "Group Mind Series" article. I attempted to raise my own energy and conciousness, and then radiate positive energy and love to other people I knew, and also to "the Gaian Mind" (Earth). I was also attempting to dissolve hate and fear. When I started working on the planet, the shrooms were working at maximum, and the energy was feeding back to me. I realised that this is because everything was a part of me. This wasn't the collective conciousness thing that New Agers talk about. This was more of an "I am God, and I created this whole mess" kind of feeling. I was looking at everything from God's perspective (of course if this were really true, I would know everything that was going on in the Middle East, and in my own back yard - which I didn't!).
I felt like all these people and events that were a part of my life were created by myself to bring me to this point. I had awakened from a dream which was my entire life. All the problems, hate, fear, and violence that are in this world are no longer needed. "This must stop now" I was thinking. The whole birth, life, and death cycle is no longer needed, and it is comming to an end very very soon. The world as we know it is ending, but I felt OK with it, in fact I was feeling very blissful. Even if I cease to exist that would be fine, because I won't really cease to exist. The 'Big Cosmic Experiment" must be terminated, but that's ok, because there will be nothing but bliss afterward. Fear, hate and greed will no longer exist.
I was still tripping when I went outside to take a walk. I was very unsteady on my feet, so I decided to sit in the sun. The wind was blowing very hard and I didn't feel it at all. It was like I had a bubble of protection around me. Leaves were flying all around me and I didn't feel it, but I heard it, and there was a lot of reverb to it. Everything was in 'shroom technicolor' and there were multiple images of objects superimposed on themselves, but slightly out of phase with the objects. We all know what reverb really is. It is when something (sound event) that happens in the past is brought into the present. It was as if time was altered (more on time travel later :-)) I felt like a spirit walking around because as has happened in a past trip, I really didn't need to breathe, and it seemed like I was only taking a breath every several minutes. It felt like love was permeating everywhere and I was no longer a human on earth, but a spirit in paradise - my own world that I had created.
Judging by looking at the clock, and not by my own screwed up perception of time, this trip lasted a lot longer than usual. They usually last only 4 hours for me, but this one lasted 6 hours, at least that is when my senses returned to normal. The ecstacy felt outlasted the trip itself by a long time, I would say another 3 hours. Even today I still feel that residual "high on life" kind of feeling.
The world is still just as messed up today as it was before I tripped so it looks like whatever magic I did during the trip had little to no effect on the world (jee whiz, what a suprise). I will say though, that every day since my trip, my Mother has been making comments about how beautiful life is. This is a pretty radical change for her since she usually worries about everything.
This was a positive experience, but I am seriously thinking that this will probably be the last time that I will do this. I can't really explain what's going on in my head about this. Maybe it's because I feel uncomfortable with the idea of feeling like I am God the last two times I tried this. In hindsight, this seems like a really super inflated ego rather than ego death. Ever since I have had a spontaneous Mystical Union when I was younger (no drugs involved), I have been trying to repeat the experience. I love the idea of merging with God, and becoming a better, more loving person from it, but I still have enough brain cells to know that I did not create the universe. Or, if I am fast forwarding to the end of the Universe, and seeing the future end of humanity through Gods eyes, then what more is there to know? I have to wonder if tripping is really changing my life for the better. If I see evidence that it is, I may have to proceed with smaller doses so that I don't fast forward so damned far, and maybe possibly get some real insights on how to make a difference instead. If not, then to slightly paraphrase what was stated above "The experiment must be terminated" meaning my little experiment and not God's big one.