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Very bad trip.

The setting of this trip was at a state park. My friend Mike and I had been going out to this park for the past year or so to take our trips and every time had been a blast. This park is perfect for tripping. Big, rocky, boulders you can climb all over, with breathtaking scenery all around. Another friend, Ray, had been accompanying us on our excursions as well but he never partakes, which we are cool with. Usually my trips out there have always been pretty good, up until today....

So, a little background leading up to this experience. About three weeks ago, I went over to my friend John's place to hang out, and brought as a present for him a couple doses of cubes. Later in the night, John's friend Kevin joins us for awhile and at some point they decide to take the shrooms. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing which I am not really down for so I declined. Anyways, the point is that I got to know Kevin a little better and decided that these guys would be pretty cool to bring out to the state park along with Mike and I for a group trip kind of thing. A couple weeks pass and I am hanging out with John and Kevin again and it's decided that next week (today) would be the day we all get together to do this.

(About a month before all of this, Ray, Mike and I had visited the park for our semi-monthly excursion. It was a really hot day, Ray had brought his dog (which I thought was not a good idea) and it was just not as much fun as it usually is out there. I would say it was a mildly bad trip which eventually got better.)

So, I proposed the group trip to Mike, who is usually down, which, of course, he was. Mike was worried these guys could be "punks" whose behavior could attract unwanted attention. I reassured him that they were cool and even gave him some background info on the guys, to try and set him more at ease. I explained to Mike how I had grown up on the same street with John (who was 40) and Kevin (who was 50) was a tenant in John's house. Mike (~26) immediately was taken aback about the fact these guys were so old, and living in the same house, assuming this and assuming that. Finally, with what little info he had about these guys, he finally made a statement which really got me angry. He basically stated that because of the ages of these guys, he would think they would be hanging out in a different "atmosphere" and that his "initial stereotype is that the dude would be some kind of druggie burnout who makes unwise choices in life and struggles to stay afloat.  i'd keep a watchful eye over my stuff." All this from the above info. He might as well have been saying this to me, referring to me, which I thought he maybe was. Anyways, I really ripped into him for making such an ignorant statement which he eventually apologized for. So that was that. It turned out that Kevin and John did not go so it was Mike, Ray and me again, which was cool. The weather forecast was saying rain and I was having second thoughts about going through with it because of the whole previous issue. But I did. I should have chosen not to...

So with everything that happened still somewhat on a subconcious level in my mind, the three of us headed out to the park. We were all in good spirits. The weather was not great, but we didn't let that bother us. The "official" plan was to take the sacrament, then hang out at our chill/peak spot for awhile, then smoke a doob and head to our final destination, which was a part of the park we had never been to, called "The Flagpole".

So this is how it played out. As we are walking to our peak spot, we consume the sacrament. We finally make it to the chill spot, about 25 minutes after dosing. After another 15 or so, the trip begins to come on pretty strong for me. We find a geocache in the area, which we inspect and eventually just find a spot fto ourselves and watch the surrounding environment. Mike and Ray love to listen to their music on their mp3 players, which they were both doing. After the usual deep thinking that accompanies my trips and a couple of hysterical laughing fits that I have, we all decide to make our way to the Flagpole, but first Mike and I needed to find a place to smoke it up. I was actually a little hesitant to smoke at the time because I was still tripping good and we usually reserved the smoke until right before we left. This time we had not even really come down from the shrooms. That being said, I declared I knew of a good spot to smoke at, close by. Upon finding this spot, it did not meet our expectations, so we looked around a bit more. Mike pointed to an area he thought looked worthy, but I was not too sure about. At this point, without saying too much, he basically said "OK I'll follow you to your spot, but you won't follow me to a spot I think is cool?" He was right, I shouldn't be like that but what can I say, I was tripping and sometimes I just get uneasy feelings about things. We finally decided to go check it out, and it was definitely a good choice. After we smoke the doob it is at this point where the downward spiral begins....

I usually get pretty paranoid whenever I smoke, and now, since I was still tripping, the paranoia really took hold. After the joint was done, I was getting antsy as I usually do (it's just my nature), and was pacing about, ready to get going. I guess I did not have a good feeling about staying there or whatever so I begin walking back from where we came, heading towards the flagpole. Looking back, I'm not sure if Mike and Ray were ready to go or not, but they had gotten up pretty soon after me and we began our trek. Climbing out of the place we were in, I was maybe 20 feet ahead of Ray and Mike, climbing up some rocks. The following is what I still cannot be sure of unless I actually ask Mike or Ray about. I either totally hallucinated this or it was actually said, but basically, I thought I heard Mike make a few comments about me and my life, in a derogatory manner, under his breath, to Ray. Total criticism of me. I would like to believe that I was totally just hearing things, but for some reason I was totally convinced I wasn't. When they made it to the spot that I was at, they asked me which way to go. At this point the weed was mixing with the shrooms and I was totally gone. I felt reality slipping away. A bad trip was forming and there was nothing I could do about. I had the distinct feeling Ray and Mike were out to get me at this point, and they kept asking me if this was the right way and where are we going, etc. It was the tone of their voices and the little smirks I thought? I saw/hallucinated on their faces which led me to believe this. I thought to myself  "Is this really happening?" Yes, it was. The temperature around me was neither hot nor cold, and the wind would stop and start at such strange times. I was getting the feeling of being in a different dimension, if you know what I mean. The head games continued. I was having the downward spiral loops. I thought to myself that I am always leading these guys around and now they are mocking me by asking me where do we go now, etc. I began to feel as though I were being set up for something, and there was nothing I could do about it. Were they going to attack me? I couldn't tell if it was too hot to be out there or what was going on (even though there were storm clouds all over the sky and it was probably in the mid 70s). My mind could not comprehend it. I was just following the person in front of me because I did not want to lead anymore. I was tripping unbelievably hard and I could barely think.

Eventually we made it to "The Flagpole". We walked around the area for a bit before settling down in an area. At one point I set myself apart from Mike and Ray and felt so isolated and alone, wondering why they were doing this to me. It totally felt like I was back in high school when these things had actually happened before. I was analyzing everything they said to see if it was really about me. Totally paranoid schizophrenic thinking. The environment around us was unreal. It really (whatever that means) felt as though we were existing in another dimension. The wind would blow and then all of a sudden would stop, creating this very eery calm that was totally unreal. It was if a UFO was about to come out of the sky, or something similar. At one point I left Mike and Ray to be on my own as well as patrol the perimeter. Mike insisted on playing the music from his mp3 player on a portable speaker system he brought along. I thought it was prety ridiculous. It was if he was forcing us to listen to his music. When I sat down, I could not get comfortable in any position. I also began to freak out about my heartrate, etc. Like I said, I did not know if it was too hot to be out there or not. I wasn't sure of anything. When Mike got up to see if he could climb this huge boulder, this really worried me and I began to feel responsible for anything he did. After a little while, I put my camelbak and and began to walk somewhere (who knows where), when Mike stops me and asks where I am going, assuming I am taking off or something. I just mentioned I am walking around the area. At this point I know they are definitely conspiring something playing head games with me and loving every minute of it. The wind kept blowing and dark clouds kept blowing by and I thought it would never end, and I desperately wanted some reassurance that it would, that everything would be ok. I also began to feel as if everything was up to me. Everything that happened was my decision and these guys were always waiting on me to make the decisions. (This may in fact be true, but in this state of mind, I really did not want the responsibility. I was just too incapacitated.) I'm not sure how long we were at the flagpole, but I kept telling myself that this was bad, but then I would ask myself, well what is good? It almost seemed like I was in a totally neutral position, but at the same time I could not make the trip go one way or the other. This is the train of thought I had going on, along with the definite knowledge of Ray and Mike's conspiracy against me. Finally, finally after a couple hours (of course it seemed like days) I escaped the loops. I knew it would just take time, but of course in that state of mind you think it will never end.

So we begin heading back to the car, partaking in another doobage on the way. Thankfully, the paranoid schizophrenic thinking was over and I was finally coming down. The thing is, I am positive that my intuitions were correct about everything Mike and Ray were doing. It was just this negative vibe I was getting from them. Of course, I could be totally wrong about this and all I would have to do to confirm it would be to ask Mike, but then again, would he really admit to somthing like that? The thing with Mike is, he has a way of being rather impolite at times in the manner in which he carries a conversation with you. Sometimes he would pretend to be listening to you, but of course you know he really isn't. This is something I had always noticed about him, but never really mentioned because it is not that big of a deal. But in the course of learning the nuances of your friends, tripping really hard with them lets you see them for who they really are, instead of who they want you to see them as, as is the case with Mike.

Even if all the headgames I thought were going on were true or not, I believe what was the catalyst for everything was not waiting longer before we smoked up. Had we not smoked so soon, the synergy that the mixture creates would not have occured and I would have been able to control the situation better. There were also other factors involved such as the weather, the dosage (we usually take 4g instead of this time's 4.5g) and the aforementioned issues Mike had with Kevin and John.

I would definitely classify this as a bad trip, but of course I do not regret it. I never do. I know not to combine weed and shrooms together so soon like I did. Of course, I rarely smoke so there is another factor. The fact that Ray was there was another possible factor. He never takes shrooms or has ever smoked weed for that matter, and it's hard to connect to him in a shroomed state of mind (besides the fact Ray is a rather strange guy to begin with). I had decided while up at the flagpole that I had to stop hanging out with these guys or at least not smoke weed and shroom like we did to make what happened happen.

So that's it. A bad trip. But I got through it and that's what matters. I still need a couple more days to soak it all in and come up with a final resolution...  


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