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Mad Professor

Another episode of the research of the mad professor Today I want to report to you from my latest experiment from the psychedelic world.



Another episode of the research of the mad professor

Today I want to report to you from my latest experiment from the psychedelic world. My adventurous tours again led me to Holland to my favorite store, the "Old Indian" headshop. Among the many goodies sold there is also a small variety of magic mushrooms. Having already completed a series of experiments into the nature of Lysergsäure Diethylamid I just had to seize the moment to find out about its cousins found in those wonderful little fungi. I had to decide between Mexican mushrooms at $15/bag and Hawaiian mushrooms at $18/bag. My rule in these situations is "only the best, sell the rest at inflated prices", and thus I took a bag of Hawaii home with me.

The bag contained one 3cm tall mushroom, and about six small 2cm high mushrooms. It looked like little to me, without a scale I estimated there to be about 1 gram of fungus. I started reading up on this psychedelic and got the feeling, that the bag may not be enough for a good trip. Another problem with trying shrooms was that I despise the taste of mushrooms of any kind. Because of these reasons I put the experiment aside and used a combination of many dangerous drugs to pass time that day. It was pretty good.

Later that week I was sitting at home in front of the TV watching the Terminator learn to say "fuck you, dickwart", and was overall feeling bored. I had seen this movie before. "Hey", I said to myself, "don't you still have some work to do? Why not pass this boring night by getting shroomed?" I carefully weighted out the pros and cons, and a second later I started chewing on that first mushroom. First observation: Dried shrooms taste just like fresh shrooms, only worse! Got some Coke to rinse it down. Disgusting. This was at 10:30 pm.

Just half an hour later I began to feel the first effects, just an overall awareness that something is going on with my body. This was similar to LSD, so I felt I was on the right track. At 11:30 pm I was feeling mighty good and laughing at everything, which scared my assistant and wife so much that she had to go to sleep. "Is that the spirit of science", I said. "I'm tired", she replied. I kept on watching the movie for a while, and although the special effects started to look mighty special I just didn't get the story anymore. "Who is the black scientist and why do they break into his house?" No hope, it was too complicated. "Last time I saw it I had no problem following the plot. Very odd."

I went to the bathroom, my so-called psychedelic laboratory. "Aloha! Hawaii here I come!" This was great. Everything was so beautiful. In comparison to LSD it seemed more organically beautiful, not as metallic or sharp. Vision was somewhat blurred, so that the details of things were created by the mind. Colors were flowing, textures were moving, but all in a natural pace, very gentle. LSD often distorts objects, but this seemed to enhance them. I felt like a kid amazed by the beauty of everything. At the same time was laughing my ass off for no reason. I spent some time in the lab looking at the tiles flowing green and white in unison, the floor moving away and coming closer with the same old tile pattern suddenly being so interesting, feeling the rug (wow, was it yellow and fluffy), watching the water flowing gently, the chrome faucet glistening in the light. I was amazed. Closing the eyes gave the most beautiful closed-eye visuals in green and blue, very delicate swirls of color and gently patterns. Especially the color combination blue and green was new to me, with LSD I often had the whole color spectrum, which seemed more blunt.

At about 12:00 am I was so struck by the beauty of this trip that I kept on thinking of who to call or who to visit. I had quite a desire to talk to somebody about this, but I figured on a Thursday night it is not such a good idea to visit straight, sleepy friend and talk their heads off about some wonder drug. After another fifteen minutes of deliberation I came up with great plan: Go to a club! It was actually not such a smart idea, because on LSD I cannot stand clubs, but this didn't cross my mind at he time. I left the house and as soon as I felt the light breeze of this beautiful spring night on my face I knew this was it. What an experience, what a beautiful experience! My body, my mind, and my surroundings were just perfectly beautiful. Every step I took, every breath I took was an ecstatic joy. "My name is Alice. I am in wonderland."

I slowly walked through the streets enjoying the wind and smiling uncontrollably. As the first pedestrians crossed my way I suddenly felt very self-conscious, as if I was naked. Well, actually it was more the feeling that people could see that am high. And they could, I mean I was looking around amazed by all these ordinary things while sporadically cracking up at nothing. When I arrived at the club I thought to myself "you dumbass professor, this place is packed with people, and they're all going to be staring at you!" I went in anyway, and as I entered I realized I was right. It was packed, and pretty much everybody looked at me. I looked at myself to make sure I wasn't naked after all, but I guess it was just because nobody had anything better to do that look at the people coming in.

I was still tripping hard and was hoping for a familiar face, so I could start talking, but nobody I knew was there. I ordered a beer and listened to the music. Contrary to LSD trips I quite got into the house music that was being played, I even felt like dancing. I was impressed. I still kept looking around to find someone to talk to, but was afraid to talk to somebody straight. "They might think I'm weird" went through my head. After a little while I got used to the situation, and enjoyed myself standing in the corner watching the people, shaking my hips at the beat of the music. I also often closed my eyes to enjoy those blue-green patterns, which were like a music-induced light show. "I just hope nobody sees that I'm fried" was my only thought that disturbed the joy a little bit. At about 1:45 am the first sings of landing appeared. I would sometimes look at things and realize that they looked normal again. I though this was a good time to leave, although the music was still good, and every time it climaxed I felt the trip coming back strong again. At 2:00 am I left for home. I was still pretty high, but I knew this night would come to a satisfying end soon. I went to bed at about 2:30 am, and fell asleep about 30 minutes later. In bed I still felt fucked up, and I woke up a few times during the night realizing there was still a little bit of a trip going on here.

In retrospect I would say that it was one of the best experiences with psychedelics I had so far, and I can wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone interested in beauty. I would prefer it to LSD, especially for first-timers, as I think it is more gentle and more positive than trips. During the whole night I also had absolutely no fear of a bad trip, which usually is in my head when I am on acid. I think I may try it in combination with ecstasy to get of the gap between me and the people surrounding me, to be less self-conscious. Although I wanted to talk I was at the same time reluctant to actually go up to someone, and I think even if a friend or fellow researcher would've been there I would not have talked to them. So people stop wasting your time getting high on gasoline, and start growing mushrooms! Or move to the Netherlands.

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