Enlightenment

A couple of weeks ago me, and some friends did some mushrooms. I've done mush probably about 5 times now (each time quite a different experience) so by now it was something that wasn't completely new and amazing, but fun none the less. I have to mention that from a previous experience with mushrooms (about 5 grams) I had a very disturbing, bad trip that changed my thinking on mushrooms completely. Thats a different story though, so I'll keep it basic. I got the idea that mushrooms were not a casual drug but something that could be enjoyed if it was treated with proper respect. Being an impatient person though, that idea faded, and that brings me to this trip. We had about 20 grams between 4 people but my friends only wanted small dosages. leaving me about 10 grams (maybe a little less) of cubensis. I took about 6 of it... ground up to a powder in orange juice. All of the previous time I had done mushrooms it took over an hour to hit. This time it took 20 mins. It got to a point very quickly that i thought was the climax. I was having the time of my life. I felt like I finally understood mushrooms as if they were some kind of concept, and it felt great. The effect kept rising. I felt like I was experiencing everything all at once 400 times per second. All I could say was "holy shit..." and other things along those lines. Car light from outside my friends apartment lit up the foggy window. To me it appeared as devilish looking cats... I was enthralled. It was cool. The effect kept rising. I took the rest of the mushrooms (I realise now, how stupid that was.) A while after this, I was at the true climax of the trip. I have memories of it as if it were a dream. My friends were laughing as we communicated telepathicly (they laughed at me the next day when I told them about that). Everything that existed seemed the same. I wasn't worried about a bad trip because that was no different than a good trip. Then I went in to a bad trip. I think it was because of the telepathic thing, ;). I thought everyone was reading my mind... everything I was thinking, and I was thinking of a lot of things. I was worried that I would think of something unaccepatable. Then it seemed like anything at any moment could happen, without the need for explenation. It was probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had. My heart was beating and I thought I was in hell. I somehow managed to leave my friends apartment, but I got lost in the hallway outside his door. When I made it outside, I got lost outside and circled his apartment but it seemed to be identical on every side. I tried to think logically but every one of my thoughts were answered with questions. I didn't have any concentration. Amazingly I managed to get back in. I was coming down a little bit. That was the main bulk of the trip. Me and my friend went outside again as I didn't like how it felt when I got back in. We returned in about 5 mins. From there I calmed down until I was off the main effects. After I was "sober", and for about 2 days, my focus went to shit. The day right after the trip I felt really sick for the whole day. All my thoughts were still followed by questions.

So its been a couple weeks since then. In that time I've been feeling shitty (depressed) because nothing seems right. Whenever I have a good feeling about something I instantly question it and I get a sinking feeling. I'm feeling a lot better now then I was was before, and I will feel better with each day, but I don't think I'll go back to mushrooms. I miss them, heh. The trip itself was amazing, and I like the mysterious feeling of mushrooms. I don't like the instability of the effects, however. I felt like I finally understood and experienced mushrooms, which makes parting with them easier, but the after-effects aren't worth it... atleast not for me. I don't believe what I learned applies to everyone, because mushrooms probably effect everyone differently depending on the individuals mind, but I'm sure theres others that have gone through this, and probably many more to come.