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No Happiness


So. I put about an 1/8th of mushrooms in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. About an hour later....

We were watching "Tommy Boy", and the walls started moving in and out towards me, and the ceiling was very interesting. This was just the start. I was very unsettled, and was trying my hardest to be somewhat content and calm. Things were not good, though. Whenever anything "bad" happened on the movie we were watching, I got very upset. Chris Farley's shirt was blobbing everywhere and moving and it wasn't right. I couldn't stop laughing at some things I kept thinking about, and no one else was on anything, so I was predominantly behaving as an ass. I looked at the ceiling and the grooves of paint looked more like thousands of doves wing to wing, and they were spinning around in a perfect circle around the light fixture in the center of the ceiling. I looked down again, and there were "flowers" blossoming out of nowhere all over the place, the colors were very intense, and the walls were going like mad. I was laughing hysterically, but I wasn't happy. I was still very uncomfortable inside.

I went outside in the backyard to the field, and sat on the grass. I looked at the brick wall and it was moving and swirling as usual, and then eyes appeared. Indian eyes. I looked on the grass, and I saw the eyes there, too. I was awe stricken, so I just fell onto the grass. I looked into the heavens and the colors were blue and orange and yellow and red, and it was incredible. The clouds were quite soupy, and I thought it was beautiful. I put my hands in the dirt and decided I needed to become a gardener.

I was having a good time overall, but inside I still felt empty. Like I needed something more. Then I forgot who "I" was. I couldn't really even remember, or prove that "I" even existed. I fell on the grass again and closed my eyes. I felt very south western, like a rancher or something.

I got home around 5 o'clock, and the shrooms should've been wearing off at around 7. I wanted things to stop now, so I could just find peace and calm again...but I knew I had longer to go. So I cooked some food and listened to "Death in Vegas".

I never eat mushrooms to have "fun". I know things will usually be quite intense, and since I'm not a very social person to begin with, I fuck up around people when I'm on them. I just laugh and fall around and act like a jackass. That's why I recommend not eating them with alot of people. They are a powerful spirituality, and not to be used casually around "friends" to get "high". Being alone was the most content time during my experience, letting the earth speak to me on a personal level. Be serious.

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