It wasn't "scary" but i wouldn't describe it as good. It was my 2nd time. I
thought it would be as good as the first. it wasn't. i had a lotta energy, but
felt totally normal otherwise. I saw no colors, but thought a lot. A lot. i
thought about my parents, and how they would disapprove. everything i said
didn't come from me. I didn't know who i was. i realized that other people saw
me differently than i saw myself. i looked in the mirror and didn't recognize
who was there. I began to think of my ex. boyfriend a lot. a guy was standing
next to me, i thought it was him. If i looked at him, he would change, but as
long as i didn't, it was him. we stood there in mutual silence, but our brains
communicated. I wanted him to hear what i was thinking, because i knew i
couldn't speak out loud. I looked away for a second, and when i looked back, he
was gone..... he left without saying goodbye. i cried on the inside, on the
outside i was torn. i could only go certain routes, everyone was on different
levels. i wasn't allowed to go talk to certain people. i could see people as
they were, no fooloing myself. I didn't like one of my friends, i realized she
was fake. I wasn't fake. I was real, too real. I was really there, just as my
ex. seemed so really there. I went home. i got home, and looked at myself, still
didn't know who it was. She was ugly, i didn't like her. I went to bed. i didn't
belong there. i didn't deserve to be there, didn't deserve to be anywhere. I
needed a savior, and had one. my ex boyfriend...... i loved him, i realized, i
wasn't fooling myself. i made a mistake...... i'm normal now, but i have been
thinking non stop of him since. shrooms didn't confuse me, they made everything
clear, and i realized things about myself that i never could see, i didn't like
those things.
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