Worst Night of My Life

The Worst Night of My Life

A few days ago I tried shrooms for the first time. I'm 16, and I weigh 160 pounds. I have lots of experience with weed and alcohol and one time I tried an opium marijuana mix, but this was my first experience with mushrooms. My friend Steve had done them three times already and I decided it sounded like a fun experience. So one Friday night my friend Marv and I went into his attic with Steve and we each chomped down an 1/8th of shrooms. With us was another friend named Mario who was sober. We each brought a bag of brightly colored trip toys. I'd done research as well as read some reports from various sites so I had a good idea of what to expect. If I had not been aware of what was happening, I think I might have killed myself. The week before had been a very good week and that day was a normal day. I had a fun evening, talked to my girlfriend, and around midnight we ate.

At first nothign happened. My friend Marv began to react immediately but he was clearly exagerating. After 20 minutes or so I began to feel euphoric. I basically felt stoned. I just lauged at everything. I snuggled under my blanket and would burst into fits of laughter. I began to tingle, it was purely physical initially. I was waiting for my trip to begin. Then my friend Marv started to freak out. We had discussed earlier our concern that he would have a bad trip so my instinct was to watch out for him. I crossed the room to him and he was scared of my very presence but eventually we calmed him down. He kept yelling "STOP MAKING ME THE CENTER OF ATTENTION" but when I tried to cross the room to lie down he almost cried so I made him a spot next to me.

Then the peak hit. This next part is chronologically unreliable.

I was on an air mattress under my blanket with a skylight overhead. I asked for a cd to be put in and somebody put in the Garden State soundtrack for some reason. This is when my vision started to go. Someone tossed me a koosh ball and I stared at it intently for awhile. I became aware of patterns on the wall that obviosly weren't there. Time was no longer important. This is when my hallucinations started. When someone that has never tripped before asks me what is felt like I just say this. "It was indescribable, and I don't want to talk about it." I clearly remember being smoke and traveling through my body. Also I talked to my guardian angel, he was very bright and talked very urgently because he knew my trip would end and this was the only time he was allowed to reveal himself to me. He explained the purpose of my life to me. Suddenly I understood everthing. I knew that I was important and what I had to do with my life, I knew what my friends role in life was and what their role in the path of my life was. Total enlightenment. I felt God. I knew god existed because I felt him, but I also knew that I couldn't find him, but my guardian angel told me he was once just like me and when I died a bunch of us would get together and find God.

I became aware of every thought that popped into my head. Every single thought was completely important and profound. Suddenly I became completely euphoric. I remember my friend Marv and I just looking at each other and saying "WE ARE SO HAPPY" over and over. A total feeling of bliss and homecoming, like everything was ok. I was very glad I tried shrooms and I remembered wanting to tell my friends about it. For awhile me and Marv just sat there under our blankets staring around.

Then as I stood up I looked over just in time to see my friend Steve puke all over himself. I remember screaming "GET A BAG FOR HIM TO PUKE IN" but it was too late. I couldn't smell but Mario said it smelled awful and he thought he would puke too. Suddenly I was on the other side of the room. I looked for a bag to puke in because I felt sick, I found my bag and dumped all my trip toys out and stuffed my head in. It felt like I had climbed into a dumpster. After a while I pulled my head out saw everything on the ground. The mess terrified me because I didn't know why my dominoes were on the ground. I went back to my spot. This is the only time I have ever blacked out. Apparently as I crossed the room I tripped (litteraly I fell over) and banged my head on a table. I remember falling but then I was told I lay there for ten minutes shaking.

Again I have no idea what order this happened in. But then my short term memory returned. I was sweating and I felt like I had just awakened from a nightmare. I felt much calmer and Steve told us it was only 2 AM. If he had told me it was 2 PM the next day I would have believed him. At this point I was terrified and wanted the trip to end. I did the math, I had at least four hours left. And I felt every single minute.

I could not get up. I was completely unable to move, I had to pee and I was thirsty, but I couldn't move at all. The air mattress was very uncomfortable. Then my sense of smell came back. Every single breath smelled like death. I saw the vomit all over the couch and was extremely depressed. The euphoria was gone. I felt completely and totally depressed. It was total despair. I was terrified of what was happening. Marv was having the exact same experience. The windows were closed and I pleaded for someone to open one. Eventually one was opened for a few minutes. It didn't help. I need air circulating when I want to sleep, and normally when I'm at a friend's house I can do without, but I felt like if I didn't have air circulating I would die. My senses were still fucked up. Basically I could think straight, but my emotions were at rock bottom and I was tripping balls. It was now 2 30. The minutes dragged by, and I would wait for the air conditioning to come back on, then it would shut off and I would almost cry, then half an hour later it would come back. Steve who was sober from puking would ask "Don't you just feel content?" Marv: "FUCK NO. Should I spell it out for you? I wanna die." I felt the same. I began to have suicidal thoughts but since I knew it was just the shrooms I waited it out. Besides I couldn't move.

Evenutally I did stand up to pee but I looked around and saw how messy we had made the room. I collapsed and it was about half an hour before I could finally pee in a can by rolling on my side and getting on my knees. We stayed like this a few hours. Eventally Marv said "The End." He didn't fool anyone. The trip was far from over. Steve turned the lights off and I layed there in the dark for two more hours. Somehow Mark did fall asleep around 5. He muttered in his sleep and twitched for awhile. I could not fall asleep. The feeling of total despair did not pass. I began to wonder if I'd return to normal. I was terrified. Around 630 I forced myself to stand up and go lay by the stairs where air was coming in. I felt a little better and I tried to open a window but couldn't. I went down to Marv's room and splashed some water on my face, took a leak. The trip was over but I was still emotionally fucked. I found a fan and almost cried in joy. I turned it on high and crawled in his bed.

This experience was powerful enough for me to swear off weed, drinking, and ciggerattes. I'm sure I'll do them all again eventually, but not for now. And I'm never tripping agian that's for sure. Marv felt the same way. I went home and slept in my own bed with my fan on and window open. I took a shower and scrubbed every inch of my body, cleaned my room. All day I felt depressed. I had to go to a dance later and I pretended to have fun but really I couldn't.

This was a POWERFUL experience. Be warned. Bad trips are VERY bad. I couldn't do that again and I could not have done it alone. Tripping alone is a horrible idea.

Tim