TOO MUCH suicide?

I have tripped acid 3 times and done shrooms twice.

We got some pretty good shrooms with some blue on em. The guy who sold them said don't take more than a half eigth of an ounce.

I ended up taking maybe a little more, there was no scale. I had shroomed in the past but about 10 min later I was smoking some dope and then BOOM it hit me so hard.

Things just got worse and worse. Twenty minutes later everything felt like it was sinking and it was hard for me to walk. Closing my eyes was no relief. Everything anyone said just made me more crazy and more crazy.

Each word was adding onto this one big sound that would get worse and worse.

I couldn't handle it, I was around like 15 different people and no one was tripping as hard as I was (I took the biggest shroom there and some more). The music was freaking me out, The people were freaking me out, and my trip toys (on my computer) were definitly freaking me out.

I went outside and tried to make it to my car. I looked at the sky and that freaked me out, in fact everything was freaking me out. I was cold then hot then cold then hot.

I made it to my car and I was trying to decide what the fuck I was going to do. Each moment was worse than the previous. I had before in the house said aloud, "It just the drugs fucking with my mind" multiple times. I said, "Everything is ok".It didn't work everything was not okay.

I thought maybe if I killed myself then I could stop the pain. Flashes of me cutting my wrists with a knife shot into my mind. I saw the blood gushing out.

Note:I had not been depressed in the last 6 months and I had the right set for the trip so that was not why i was thinking about suicide, it was that i couldn't handle what was going on

I began to try to reason in my head and try to question the existance of humanity. This questioning seemed like it only took seconds to do. What is the point of life? Why can't I just end it right here? I am going to die anyway. Multipule newpaper articles popped up in my head and I could read them in seconds.

I saw like little 'blips' and they got less and less until there was just one 'blip'... 'blip', 'blip', 'blip' no more 'blips'... that means "poof" life is gone. That was what i thought suicide was. Waid a second suicide is a dumb idea.

I can't goto the hospital, my parents can't find
out.
Maybe i can just fall asleep in my car for a while and my freind will wake me up when i need to go. I close my eyes and an really start freeking out. I see weird lights twirling around inside an invisible ball, which freaked me out.

Maybe I can drive home (in this condition it seemed worth it even though i knew i was so fucked up) and goto my room and just freak out there. Just go straight to my room so my parents don't see my eyes.

Fuck me! I have to take my friend home. It took me a while but I located my cell phone in my car and I called the house. No answer... FUCK.

I managed to put back on my shoes (I had taken them off when trying to sleep in my car because i was too hot). I didn't want to look like a fucking idiot because I didn't really know about 9 of the 15 people in the house too well. And there were some hot chicks there.

I made it back to the house and I asked my friend if he could get a ride home with someone else. People were asking me how i was feeling. I told them really really bad and that I was not okay. I said that I just want to go home. I was having a really bad trip cuz' I took that huge mushroom.

Someone suggeed that someone could drive my car home and someone would follow. But then one of my good friends said to just stay at his house (the one where we were at). He said that he had taken too much before and he knew exactly how I felt. He talked to me and told me that it will end soon.

I had completely forgotten that this won't last for the rest of my life. My friend just told me to just sit back and try to enjoy the ride just stare at stuff and try to have fun with it.

He got two more of my freinds and they helped me through it. They helped by trying to joke around and bringing me in front of the TV. The TV was kinda freaking me out. But my friends tried to find some comedy for me. Good ole' comedy central!!! Luckily there was a stand up comedian on!

I saw some cartoon video boxes behind the TV and suggested watching Pocahontas but I couldn't find the casette (I thought she would save me).

About twenty minutes later the visual stage stopped and that stage where everything clears up and everything is funny as hell started. And it was smooth riding from them on out. I had a great time laughing for the rest of the night and smoking a shitload of cigarettes.

That was overall the scarriest shit that has ever happened to me. I really need to get a fucking scale or stop being a fucking dumbass.