the worst experience of my entire life. horrible trip.

well. i'll just start off with my whole experience from the begining. before this i had tripped 3 times, but it wasn't intense at all. two of the trips were bad, but i just felt uncomfortable and anxious. before this last trip i hadn't touched a drug in more than a year.

120Lbs. Female. 15.

So, the week of my birthday, i deicide to trip mushrooms for the first time in over a year. i hang out with a pretty drug-oriented crowd, but they all know and except that i don't do drugs. but just naturally they all want to do some drug with me for the experience. so the week after my birthday, a friday, we all head over to my friend's house(who's parents are never home). There are 10 or 11 people tripping, including myself. most of these people i consider my close friends. we are all very excited and happy to be tripping together that night.

we all eat 1/8oz each (it goes for 20$ 1/8 here) around 8 PM.everyone else took theirs in a few bites with orange juice in the kitchen. i ate my slower and broke it up and it took a full bottle of orange juice for me to eat them.in my bag there were about 3 large caps and 2 small stems. and one small mushroom with a stem. after this we all settle down in the living room and wait for it to kick in. within ten minutes i start seeing orbs around everything and get giggly. everyone else starts to feel body highs around this time. and for two people they don't feel anything. within the next 30 minutes we're all tripping besides two people and we all start running around the house.

i am trying to stay away from everyone who is tripping because they were honstly scaring me a lot. i was seeing rainbows around everything, and everything was just getting smooshed and moving together. every room i went in was basically a whole new feeling and experience. in the sitting room they have painted green walls that were moving, and the more i stared faces would apear and start talking to me. i went outside and was terrified because it looked like the sky was sitting ontop of the trees and houses, like a blanket. and i couldn't sit or lay down because it felt like i would grow and shrink so dramatically when i got back up. i went up stairs to go piss and in the bathroom i really had no idea what was going on. after i pissed i fell into the bathtub and couldn't get out. i walked around the bathroom until someone came looking for me. everyone said at this point i was freaking out. i was just walking in circles at the top of the stairs. i was just terrified and i don't even remember what i was seeing.

i started running all over the house trying to avoid everyone who was tripping and trying to find the designated baby sitter. i found him (we'll call him J) and started frantically asking him to tell me what was real and what wasn't. i thought i was covered in powder, which he promised wasn't there. at this point i didn't know who anyone was, besides J. they were just blurry, loud orbs walking around and i did whatever i could to stay away from them. this was getting to be too much.

J took my outside and we sat on the porch stairs. i was telling him how scared i was of everyone and how i want to run away from there and how terrified i was of everything. he was telling me i have nothing to be afraid of, and those are my friends. but it didn't seem to help. i kept babbling at him for a while. i don't remember what i was saying, but he says i was really scaring him with what i was saying. all of the sudden i started crying my eyes out. like crying harder than i have ever cried. and i latched on to J and was hugging him and i basically had no control over what was happening. i could barely breathe and he would have to hug me tighter and keep telling me that he was there to keep me breathing. at this point, i can barely even explain what was going on in my head.

i was just crying so hard and pulling on my hair and feeling my face. i didn't feel like i was human anymore. i felt totally cut off from my body and i didn't feel like i was there anymore. i started thinking about my life, and nothing made sense. i wanted to go home, but the whole concept of a home and my entire life didn;t make sense. i didn't know who my dad was or where i lived or who i was or who anyone was. everyone i know and every event i could think of seemed like it never happened, or i saw it in a movie once or something. i thought i was dead. i literally was convinced that i had died. i thought i was just a spirt floating around the universe all by myself and terrified and i thought it would be that was forever. i was still seeing colors and patterns and i started seeing snakes. i couldn't open my eyes, and when i tried i couldn't make out what i was seeing. i was just crying and ripping at my face with my hands. i could hear everyone luaghing and talking inside and it was a horrible thing to hear everyone so happy because i thought i had died or gone completely insane.

i guess at this point my friend carried my upstairs and gave me a blanket. i don't remember that ever happening. i made sure my friend was with me and i kept hugging him and laying with him and i think he;s the only thing that i kept me sort of sane. him being sober and being there for me was such an intense feeling while all this was happening. i still had my hands over my face crying and barely bretahing. he felt like god to me, like a savior saving me and being there with me. i thought that if he left me for any reason the universe would end. i still had no idea in the world where i was and i still didn't feel like a human, or anythign at all. i honestly had no idea what was going on. i can't een explain it right. i guess this went on for a few hours. but i eventually stopped crying and came down. i opened my eyes and J's face was smeared down into his shirt and it stayed that way for a long time. i'm lucky we were in a room with no furniture at all. when i was starting to see things and feel things life started to make a little more sense. two of my good friends came to talk to me and give me water. i honestly had no idea who they were and i was just agreeing with whatever they said. i went downstairs in a blanket and everyone was sober. i couldn't remember where i was or who anyone was, still. but i wasn't afraid of them because i knew they were my friends. i wasn't tripping but i was still seeing colors an blurs. they put me to sleep.

the next morning i knew where i was and what had happened. but i still felt uneasy about the whole situation. i talked to some of my friends and i knew who they were. they told me how worried everyone was. and i had sent someone else into a bad trip, but it wasn't very bad because he was experienced and knew what to do. he just saw snakes and blood i guess. two people didn't trip at all. one guy ran away and walked about a mile away because he "thought it was fucking stupid".

i really can't explain how i feel about this. it was a week ago and i still don't feel right about it. i feel uneasy about myself and unsure about a lot of things. everyone keeps asking if i am ok, and i don't know if i am or what i should do. if ANYONE can give me any advice on what to do to make this feeling go away, or if you have had similar experiences, i would appreciate your help. please e-mail me juliex@gmail.com