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The most horrible experience of my life (please read.. and comment...)

I acquired a rather large amount of mushrooms.

I acquired a rather large amount of mushrooms... literaly pounds of them from the fields. I had my little basket full of mushrooms, and i was ready to trip. This was on halloween night. My two friends "bob" and "tom" were hanging out with me because we hadn't seen each other in quite a while. I told them that I had some mushrooms, and they should try them with me. Neither of them had ever done drugs at all, and were too afraid to try, I remember being upset, because I didn't want to trip by myself, and I didn't want these mushrooms to go to waste (At this time I did not know about the drying and preservation process.) So, they were like "go ahead you can trip, and we'll get a bottle of alcohol, and hang out." My cousin was away for the night, and said we could hang out at her house. So we went over there, as we did not want to be around any parents.
When we walked in, the first thing i did was begged them some more to trip with me.. they said no.. I even tried to call a few friends, but none of them were available, and none of them wanted to trip.. I was pretty aggrivated with it, and I had been having a bad month over-all.. For some reason, I sat there and began to cut up the mushrooms with a steak knife and consume them one by one.. I went to the fridge and there was some Vanilla Cokes in there, and i grabbed one.. I sat down and started munching some more of them, and at one point thought "Ok... I've never eaten this much before, I need to stop now." But I was pissed and I wanted to just get blown away... A sad part of me even wanted to impress bob and tom with the power of this drug.. I made perhaps one of the greatest mistakes of my entire life.. I ate every last mushroom, and my estimate on how many mushrooms that was.... I cant barely say... it weighed pounds...
When I finished eating them, I put in an Infected Mushroom CD, to bring up the mood, and turned out the lights. While waiting for them to kick in we were just sitting around and talking.. Bob and tom were drinking from the bottle of alcohol they had bought, and I was just staring into space... Trying to feel it out.. and also a little worried that I had consumed probably 10 times the amount I had ever eaten, and i had been blown away before...

"It Starts.."

The first thing that happened, and this is strange, is my whole body began to shake.. I was practically convulsing. I don't know if it was anticipation, or the sheer amount of drug beginning to effect my body.. The walls, the whole room began to swim very fast... I recall this all so vividly. There was a candle lit on the coffee table in the center of the room, and suddenly, watching it, there was a little man inside of the flame doing martial arts. With each of his kicks and punches, the flame would waver in that direction.. He was trying to break free from the flame! I was absolutely astounded with this! Then I looked over to the T.V.. The weather channel was playing. You know how as they show the forecast, the move around the screen and point to large maps of the U.S? Well the lady forecaster was break-dancing all over the screen, and I just busted out laughing.. I remember the laughter was so hard that it was silent, and i was drooling.. I looked up at the walls, and the pictures on the walls would contort.. melt... and then falll to the ground.. but be replaced again, and go through the whole process! On the walls, There were large Multi colored graffiti style words running along the walls spelling "Gate"... I'll never forget that..... I tried to get away from all this because it was a little too much.. so i went and sat with bob and tom to see what they were doing (At this point I could still make conscious choices) Bob was telling us about how he had just gotten out of the army.. one day in the army he was in the shower, and about 5 guys ganged up and beat the crap out of him.. he said that there was blood all over the walls..

"The Gate"

And this is where I believe i entered my gate.. I so vividly pictured the pure white walls, with the pure red blood dripping down, and suddenly.. My nose is bleeding. I rub my hand under my nose and look down at my fingers and see blood.. I say "I have to go..:" And get up and run to the bathroom.. I lock the door, and bob and tom are trying to get me out, i tell them .. Im ok... Im ok.. Im ok... I look into the mirror and blood is running from everwhere in my face, and i think I'm dying.. oh my god .. I'm dying... about this time it all gets a little fuzzy... I began to splash water all over my face to wash the blood, but more would just keep coming out, and my face was bubbling and contorting. I ran out of the bathroom, and just stood there.. bob and tom were worried and asked if I was ok... again i said so strangely "Im ok.... I'm ok....I'm ok.. And I went to the door and walked outside... I walked over to a large tree in the yard and felt such a powerful wave of something evil hit me that I cant even explain.. at this point the drug submerged my visual connection with reality, and the next thing I know I'm falling... and falling... and falling for so long... then my face is staring into the grass on the groun outside, under the tree... I'm on my hands and kneees... I turn my head up slowly, and Tom is there... He's staring at me, and shaking his head, and mouthing words that I can't hear. I try so hard to understand, but no sound comes out of his mouth. It freaked me out.. he freaked me out, and I was sure he was not real... So I ran.. stumbling back to the house to get away from him. The doorway to the house was open, and on the way in i hit my foot, and fell forward.. Again, just like outside i fell... and fell ... and fell... It felt like i went through the ground.. through reality, and back up into another world...
I look up at the living room. bob and tom are sitting on the couch, just having a normal conversation that I could not understand.. They both turn to look at me.. they stare at me for so long, and nothing happens... and I go " Tom... what are you doing?" Tom shrugs at me...and this freaks me out! I think.. I can't be here.. they arent like me, they aren't where I am.. I turn back around and run outside.. back to the tree.. and I fall again. It happens again.. I fall into the ground.. into reality, and come back up in another world.. I look up, and there is Tom.. He shakes his head at me.. and mouths word's I can't hear.. And I think.. "I"m scared." I turn around and run back to the house, and fall again, at the doorstep. Again, into the ground i go, and when I come back up.. Bob and Tom are there, on the couch.. this just isnt possible i think.. how is this happening.. almost against my own will i ask again "tom.. what are you doing?" He shrugs.. Oh my god... this is repeating this already happened!! I run away so scared of whats going on, and fall down again... Tom is there again to shake his head at me.. and i get scared...
Guys.. I can't tell you how this was... imagine going through that loops for years, and years, and years, and the whole time you are screaming in your head please oh please.. no stop.. i already did this.. I dont want to do this again.. but you can't stop it...

"Loss of Visual connection with reality"

At whatever point this chain was broken.. I was lost.. I could not see what was before my eyes... and the only thing i can remember from this point, guys, is cats screeching so loud, and the blending of all of my senses.. I remember tasting ... Computer blocks????? I remember screaming my own name to the universe, and it laughed at me, and I realized I'm not me.. The universe threw me around like a fucking rag doll..."

Now what happened at this point is, Bob and tom were both freaking out, and shaking me and trying to snap me out of it... bob said I would just screech like an animal.. and that I pissed my pants all over the place.. He said I would just stare into space and screech like some kind of bird..." The cousin who's house I was staying at came home with her boyfriend, and saw me in this state.. They flipped out on bob and tom (I know all this from afterwards, they told me) and told them to get the hell out of her house.. I saw my cousin run to me, and she grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, and was talking, but again i couldnt hear anythiing coming out of her mouth as she talked.. then suddenly, i did.. She had this frightened look like she was about to cry as she was shaking me, and saying things to me.. but what came out was casual conversation from some other time "Hey what are we going to do this weekend? Oh i don't know maybe a movie.... I really love eating at bennigans..." Various things of this sort, and it just didn't fit.... I thought.. this isnt my real cousin.. and... I cocked back and punched her in the face as hard as I could for taking my real cousin.. for the universe taking my family and using it against me in an evil way. her boyfriend comes flying across the room and jumps on top of me, knocks the shit out of me (I did not feel this) and literaly wrestles me to the bathroom. I can't hear anything he is saying to me, and im just screaming and kicking and trying to get away.. hes trying to kill me.. I kick.. and scramble, and manage to run away, i get to the door and my cousin is there to stop me... I push her out of the way, and run outside...and i fell... again.. when I came back up... my cousin is there, I'm in the living room again... and she is shaking me and asking me things, and all i hear is casual conversation.. and that whole event repeats itself... perfectly... It happens in accordance to the last one, over and over for years... years.... and I remember thinking.. not again not again not again... i'm insane.. i blew my brain.. im stuck here forever....

somehow they wrestled me into the bedroom when i came out of this repeat (no noteable shift to a different event) And began to try to take my pants off because they were covered in piss... I fought and fought... and when they did that they left the rooma nd locked the door... I screamed and rolled around in the bed.. inside the bed.. lost couldnt get out.. and inside i cried and cried, but i thought.. i think the repeats are stopping... I think maybe its ending somehow... and the bedroom door opened up.. my sister (impossible because she was in chicago at the time) comes in... she gets a little ways in, then walks back out, backwards, and closes the door... then opens the door and walks in.. then walks out backwards... over and over and over.. and everytime she comes in.. i scream and scream and it just keeps happining... this stops at some point, and im just staring wide eyed at the door waiting for it to happen again.. and then the shadow of a person walks across the wall, as though someone walked past the window outside... picture this: It's a blank wall, and shadow of a person is walking back and forth and back and forth and back and forth acros the wall.. then the window in the room opens up, and people start pouring into the room!!! (they hadn't locked the door.. I had.. and they were trying to see if I was ok." I screamed, and fought as they tried to calm me down and threw the sheets and pillows everywhere... my cousins boyfriend held me down.. for so long it felt like years.. he just held me there, not letting me move...

"The end"

I felt everything sliding back into place slowly... he picked me up and laid me back in the bed... and asked if i was ok... and i said: "I'm ok... I'm ok... I'm ok... over and over.. and i remember thinking.. here we go again.. I tossed and turned lost... feeling reality return but still lost... Then i saw slivers of daylight coming from the window, and this marked a difference from the world i was lost in... and... i laid down and fell to sleep..

The next day... I remember looking at my hand forever.. just going "I'm not old.. I'm not old.." ... I had trouble walking for a few days, and for 2 days my speech was slurred... the pupil of my left eye stayed dilated... indipindent of the other one for a whole day... and i jumped at nearly ever sudden noise for a while.. ever since then.. I've never touched mushrooms... I learned something that night... I had a whole plethore of life-times of hell, and torture... and I learned what it is to abuse yourself, and that this drug allowed the universe and my own brain to punish me for abusing it... This was the worst experience of my life, and to this day, I have trouble with it... I can't drink Vanilla coke, and I can't go to my cousins house, I'm literally frightened of that place now... Sorry this was so long but i just want to say that all that I have written here is only a grain of sand in the sea of sand that was this nightmare... The word.. the pettty human words I have used to explain my experience just fail completely to portray this nightmare.... I feel at a lost to truly share the horror that was this nightmare...

If anyone has experienced anything similar... to this... repeating process.. this getting stuck in.. spirals... of reality.. email me or something..

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