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The Message

It was my first time growing, and surprisingly enough it all went well.

It was my first time growing, and surprisingly enough it all went well. 12 jars, no contamination. I got a great haul off the whole batch...a heaping pile of dried B+. Multiple flushes and all. Since midway through colonization I had started some more jars, I decided that I could splurge this time.
I ate what I approximate to be 35-40 grams of dried B+ on Saturday night, washing it all down with some orange juice. It took forever. I could just feel them getting bigger in my stomach as the oj made them grow. Kind of discomforting.
You know you're eating some good shrooms when you start to trip before you're done. It was this kinda trip. My parents had gone out for the night, so I figured I'd be able to trip in peace by myself. I've only done shrooms one time before, but they didn't really do anything. This time I wanted to be sure to trip.
I was watching COPS on TV when I finished the last of them. Some dude was getting busted and they were asking him about his chewing tobacco or something...then this black dude looked right at me and said "Jon you at too many shrooms." I didn't know what the hell to think so I asked him why. He said that B+ are a very intense trip and can cause hallucinations like crazy. I didn't think much of it, but a couple minutes later my grandfather clock walked over to me and told me it wanted me to wind it. It had grown three heads, and they looked like the Three Stooges except they were bearded women like at carnivals. I wasn't prepared for hallucinations that were so real, but I knew they couldn't hurt me. I wound the grandfather clock, and accidentally scratched the inner casing while doing it. The one that looked like Moe slapped me across the face and called me a knucklehead, but I knew how to deal with him so I told him to pick two. He did and I got him right in the eyes. Then the clock walked into the kitchen and poured itself a beer. I think it hung out in my mom's bedroom for the rest of the night cuz when I went looking for it I found some pornos that it had been watching.
This was all about 20 minutes after starting to eat them, so I knew it would get pretty crazy soon. I went back and sat on the couch and kinda felt funny down by my crotch. At first I thought I wet my pants, but when I checked my dick just came out the fly like it was a snake because there was all this indian music playing. It grew so long! I thought I could maybe suck it but I think it might have been a hallucination. Then I think the grandfather clock burped cuz I got really scared at some sound. Then I pissed right in my face! It was so warm. I wiped it off on the pillows and went to the bathroom to wash up.
When I looked in the mirror, I didn't have a head. I could still see myself, but I ended at the neck. I could look in there and see all my insides and shit. I thought maybe I should take a shower, but then I remembered what that trip report said about getting sucked in by the pipes and so I stayed all covered in piss for the rest of the night.
I went back to the couch and decided it would be fun to astrally project myself, so I closed my eyes and let myself go. I ended up in Times Square. I was on that big billboard and everyone was looking up at me and laughing. It was then I realized that you can't astrally project clothes. So I stepped out of the bulletin board and stole some clothes from the Marlboro Man. Then I walked around the city for a while but I kept stepping on people because I was so big. Finally I started to come down and when I did I shrank back to normal size. Now I'm in a cyber cafe typing this all up. If anyone in New York has any shrooms, I need them! I have to get home! I live in Texas and it's really tough to get home without any money. I'll pay you back, I swear. My email address is wagon_o_poop@hotmail.com. My parents get back on Tuesday, so I need help fast!

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