The Infinite Joke

I took the shrooms about an hour after smoking out, which I'm now fairly sure greatly affected my trip. About half an hour after eating, I began to percieve "reality" in a completely new way. I remember asking if the two other people I was tripping with were noticing the change, which I thought was more than just me. I remember noticing everything I saw in a completely analytical way, without any real connections.

After this point, time lost all meaning. I remember laughing hysterically quite a bit. One of my friends was telling some kind of story, which I percieved as "the infinite and perfect story" which I knew had no end, yet every word built on the last word, and was somehow infinitely funny. Next I realized that anything anyone else was saying had no meaning, because I understood what they were saying before it was said out loud. Then I realized that this was because they were in some way the same person as me.

After I completely lost track of the idea of other people in the room, I started to analize small internal sensations. I spent what felt like hours thinking about the smallest movement of my tounge. My thoughts focussed on the one single sensation of my tounge. I thought the sensation was somewhat pleasurable, and began to focus even more on it. Suddenly I noticed that it was pure pain, and became more and more painful as I looped the sensation. After an eternity it became the most absolute painful sensation that could exist. Then I noticed that it was exactly the same as pure pleasure.

By this point, reality itself ceased to exist completely. I've tried many times to explain what this was like in words (which is probably impossible), and have several thought patterns which somewhat reflect what I was perceiving (most of them thought up while I was still tripping out of my mind).

Everything was looping. Yes was no. "What's happening?" "Everything. Nothing." "Where am I?" "Everywhere, Nowhere." "Who am I?" "Everyone, and no-one" "What will this change in my life?" "Everything, and nothing." Every possible thought lead to this seemingly perfect answer.

To explain what was happening, I'll describe an idea about the creation of the universe that I had as I was coming down some infinity later. Please continue reading; it's the best description I can come up with as to what happened. No amount of words can describe the sheer one-ness of it, but this seems to be the best I can do atm.

There's a theory that the most simple answer is usually the correct one. What is this "reality" we perceive and live in? The most simple answer is "nothing." In the beginning there was absolutely nothing. This is the only answer that made sense. There's another theory that's most commonly described by a cat in a box, which could be dead or alive. Which is it? The theory is that until the box is opened, the cat is both dead and alive, because the possibility exists.

Out of this infinite nothing which is everything, there come "possibilities." One way to think of it is a binary tree. At the top is nothingness, which contains everything. Stemming from nothingness are two possibilities: something, and nothing. Out of each of these stem more and more possibilities, eventually somewhere down the infinite tree creating or describing this reality that we perceive.

Another idea I had on this trip:

The opposite ends of polarities are one. If you look infinitly far into space, you see the back of your head. If you could magnify (infinitely) the smallest atom in your body, you would eventually see that it is partially made up of a galaxy, solar system, earth, and yourself. This self which is part of what makes up yourself is not some infinitly small copy of yourself, but is in fact the same you. Thus if you could view a larger and larger reality, viewing the entire solar system, galaxy, universe, and so on, you would eventually get back to yourself.

Another description of this "infinity" which I felt as if I was perceiving is what I call "the infinite joke." Out of the nothingness which is our universe, again, there are infinite possibilities. At some point the nothingness "noticed" that one of these possibilities was perfect. It was perfect because in itself it contained and described infinity perfectly. It was the one impossible possibility, and thus the only true reality. Part of this is where we are.

As I began to come down and move away from this perfect singularity, I started to percieve reality to some degree, but in an incredibly strange way.

It was as if "everything" was a simple "loop" of infinity. I felt like I was viewing this entire loop, and perceiving different parts of it every time I went around the loop. Everything was one perfect picture, yet I could only "notice" one "thing" at a time, and each time I went around I put a picture together to interpret everything I noticed that time around the loop. I started interpreting thoughts, emotions, sounds, smells, and everything else as colors. The picture seemed absolutely perfect. I realized that I was looking at the room I was in, but that it didn't matter, because it was the same thing as everything else. I seemed to zoom in on a lighter, and realized it was exactly the same as the room. Then I zoomed in on a small sparkle or reflection of light on the lighter, and realized that it was the same perfection. I noticed that it was as much black as white, and that black and white were all that there was, then that the black and white were the same thing. Suddenly I was back into the perfect oneness again for an unknown amount of time.

I remember at one point interpreting reality as a circle of colors, with white at the top right, and black at the bottom left. Each color I noticed at each moment was the perfect color to offset the last color. Colors became emotions. I saw a yellowish color, which was a sad, reflective, hopeful emotion, with a hint of jealousy. Then noticed a purplish red shade, which seemed to be the perfect emotion to offset and balance the yellowish color. The loop became infinite. Rather than an opposite color being the perfect one to balance the color I was viewing, some other color fit. The sequence of colors went into infinity.

I started realizing that some colors were the "same" as others, and started eliminating those which were the same. Eventually I was perceiving only black and white again, and after realizing that they're the same, moved back into the infinity for another unknown amount of time.

Some time later, after the trip was nearly completely over, my two friends came back into the room. They started trying to talk to me, and I didn't respond. I noticed them, and wondered if they were the "reality" I would come to rest in now that the loop was beginning to slow or end. I decided that I didn't care, because eventually I would perceive every possible reality anyway, and it didn't matter which one I'm in now, and still didn't respond to them. Eventually I realized that this was the only reality I was noticing now, and slowly responded to them, and set my footing back in this reality.

They later told me that they had eventually left the room to go talk and smoke while I was in the corner laughing with pure glee. I have no memory at all of them ever leaving the room, or even of any of what was talked about while I was still partly aware, thinking I could read their minds. They told me I was repeating things like "perfect" and "infinity," and asking how it was all possible, then saying something like "of course, it's impossible, the only possible way."