the edge of insanity

A little info first. This trip was done out in the woods in an amazing camping ground. I was with my friend J. We smoked and then decided to go on and dose as the sun set. In the story, S is my girlfriend and D is another friend of mine from Home.

we were surrounded by candles and burning insense in a little makeshift altar... there was music for the first hour or so of our trip, PULSE by floyd, amazing... but after it ended neither of us could change CD's so we gave up. This piece is a creative piece that i put together by jotting down little notes and phrases to myself throughout the night... it's a little incohearent, but i think many of you will understand... enjoy.

Swaying , rocking back and forth, the trees reaching out for one another. The world is clear as the sun finally fades away; my vision contracting into an endless sphere of peripherals. Shift right, there’s a glow around mother nature, soft and magical. Something is tight in the air… I don’t understand, is this a dream?

Change my world, close my eyes and nothing makes sense other than the moving darkness. I love life. Everything is gray in the starlight; the ground flowing away from me as reality distorts. Meditation follows, I’m sorry for the silence, I’m inside myself.

She’s with me, I can feel it… ecstasy. I’m floating in her womb, mother nature has welcomed me back… and nothing in life maters other than love. This is an overwhelming love, one not unlike that of my S… wait, I can feel her touch. Her legs wrapped around me as I sit and the wind whips around me. The smell of her skin saturates as I envelop myself in her chest. I love her more than I can even comprehend… I feel complete. "I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you longer this weekend baby…" I say as the tears pour down my face. You’re so beautiful I cant control myself… it’s like witnessing the beauty of god.

Open my eyes, the ash is calling out to me, I can see faces in the swirling. Something audibly moves in the distance, yes that IS real. Please don’t spaz J, what’s the worst thing that could happen: We’d die… is that really so bad? I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, I could die a happy man tonight. Wow… you’re a blur, you look almost like a ghost, no wait… Cuba Gooding Jr. from What Dreams May Come… you’re that blur… cool.

Yeh, I do agree… it is funny we haven’t thrown up. What is death like? I can no longer distinguish the two realities… inside and out… it’s all real. Maybe I am dead… it would make sense. Nothing exists other than two guys in a natural altar. I can control pretty much everything… and I feel better than I ever have in my life… this cant be life… I’m painting this reality. Ok, so I’m dead… interesting, it doesn’t honestly really bother me. SNAP.

I don’t feel right. Something’s coming out. Why can’t I control this? I can control everything else. Who am I and why am I here? S, please touch me… someone please touch me… I’m longing for warmth. It’s all about what you want… what do I want? To want is to want is to want… it’s all about to want. I am sex, the scorpion is escaping seizing me. Death… I am gone… who the FUCK am I? D, where am I? D isn’t there…

This is just a small hole in an endless black vacuum. My hands are decaying… doesn’t really bother me though. I’m out of my mind anyways… Someone else is controlling me… ugh. Yes… I want to go into the tent.

What is that sound… something crawling under me. There IS something out there damnit, believe me! I want it to come in here… I’m not afraid. I’ve already dealt with death, nothing that’s out there can be worse. Please let it inside… I want to face the fear… S’s with me, I know she’s laying next to me even though I can’t see her… Just succumb to the feeling embrace it she’s keeping you safe… SNAP

I became someone else for 3 hours (which was eternity since time didnt exist) J even claims that i was speaking in a totally different voice after i snapped. The thought of S there with me snapped me back into reality, she always keeps me safe.

peace.