The Continuous Cycle

I had been growing and tripping on 'shrooms for almost a year and thought that I had pretty much seen what these little gifts from God could show me. I had found the difference from Acid to be a welcome change. Acid for me had always seemed just a purely mechanical kind of trip... heavy, inorganic warping of the visual field and an overpowering body-buzz: nothing revealing as far as my soul was concerned. The 'shrooms were an organic, soft and warm trip always leaving me with a warm feeling after it was all over. This time I decided to go all the way and take a heroic dose of about fourteen grams dried from PF spores. I had tried the Pearlite technique and found that earlier 'shrooms from this crop of cakes had been extreemly potent in relation to what I had dosed on before, yet very "clean" as far as the experience was concerned... no muscle twitching, etc... I was going for broke, as it were!

I ingested the 'shrooms by systematicly chewing each one completely into a pulp and swallowing them with just a tiny bit of water. It took about fifteen minutes to eat them all... The onset of the trip was sudden and intense after about half an hour had passed from eating the first 'shroom, and I was surprised at the intensity of the warping and churning of everything around me! Even my body, especially my face, seemed to be fluidly melding with my surroundings! I watched in amazement as my wife's little black cat was swallowed whole by the undulations of the rug and then vomited forth once again without the least care... she purred all the while... her eyes growing to the size of volleyballs and then shrinking to pinpoints on her constantly undulating face...

My reality had been transformed into a Salvador Dali painting in motion: I remember thinking to myself "He KNEW! The bastard really knew!"!!! I marveled at my new surroundings and continously spoke to no one and everyone "I grew these things myself! I can't believe that THEY don't want me to have them! They're such fools! Chasing after their little pieces of paper that they call money... What fools... the poor people... they don't know... if the leaders of the world would only eat God's little mushrooms... no more wars... no more killing..." Suddenly I became terribly aware of my own mortality... that I, that we all are here but an instant of time... we are spawned, we grow and then we die... My poor father... being so old... he looks at this every day... knowing the end is lurking just over the rise... what memories he must have! What memories I have! Oh, the desire to return to childhood... I became aware... aware of IT ALL... GOD! What a beautiful and terrifying place the universe is! Einstein knew! Sagan knew! Leary REALLY knew! Hawkings knows, but wont give up the secrets... just a little morsel now and then! Man will attain the speed of light, this is already written in our fate... and ALL will be KNOWN instantly by he who reaches it!

It is a continous cycle... revealed to each of us a piece at a time, if we let ourselves SEE! The memories! The memories of the human experience... all passed from generation to generation if we can just open our mind's eye! I am CHRIST! God living in the flesh... here to experience what he... I ...have created! Memories... memories of experiences I have never experienced... of lives that I have never lived... memories of things not yet past... memories of things that will never come to pass... It all makes perfect sense now... Life is but for the instant... a milisecond... all else is just a memory or yet to come... a continous cycle of events that are but for an instant and then no more... just memories... It was over almost as suddenly as it began... no lingering trails... no gently fading visuals under closed eyes... all the memories of the universe quietly fading away, leaving only the realization that I had experienced them all in but a span of a few hours or so...

It has been six months and I have yet to trip again... I have some growing in the jars... I want to go THERE again, but I also know that I am not the same anymore. I have the knowledge, the terrible knowledge of my own mortality... of the mortality of all those that I love... my father, my wife, my little boy... I want to return and learn more, remember more... And at the same time I wish that I had never gone THERE at all...