Reality Ceases

I had shroomed once before, and it seemed only to be little better than a marijuana high.

This being the second time I tripped it was much different. I was tripping with my best friend and my girlfriend. We each had a quarter sack. We each ate about half of what we had. After about 20 minutes my friend looks over at me to tell me how much he is tripping. I felt nothing, so I decided to eat a few more. 20 minutes later still nothing and both my roomate and my GF are tripping like mad. At this point I got mad and finished off what I had, chewed a few vitamin C tablets and drank some Orange Juice.

I finally began to trip and it was quite pleasing at first. Visuals like I had never seen before, we were watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I felt like I was in the movie it was great. The trip was going great until my mom decided to call me. I started talking to her and she started asking me about my bills. I suddenly felt like I was in Calculus class and was lost.

While talking to my mom I looked at my friend and GF and they were laughing and looking at me wierd. I started thinking that my mom didn't actually call, I wondered if I had just imagined it, picked up the phone and was talking to myself. I decided this was the case and I hung up the phone. My friend quickly advised me that my mom was on the phone and I just hung up on her. She called back, I somehow explained off why I hung up on her. I finally got her off the phone, but this was the turning point of my trip.

After getting off the phone I went and took my contacts out and put my glasses on, then came back out to watch the movie. Things started getting blurry, I would reach up and feel that my glasses were on and it would get clear again. Sometimes when I grabbed my glasses I would think they were sunglasses and things would get dark. Eventually things started staying blurry. A feeling of fear, loneliness, and cold overtook me and I curled up in the corner of the couch holding my legs close to me and began to cry. My friend and GF kept asking if I was alright but I could not talk, I wanted to, but I could not make myself speak. I laid down in my GF's lap and just started blanking out to seeing just black, then back to seeing reality. At this point the visuals pretty much stopped, it seemed that I just went within my own head.

During my blackouts I would feel as if I had died or been in a car wreck and was in a coma. I kept remembering past events in my life and wondering if they ever really happened, or was I dead or in a coma and these events were just made up thoughts. I started wondering...do I really exist or am I just some odd compilation of thoughts...never really being alive. The amount of time coming back to reality between these blackouts was growing shorter. When I would come to my friend and GF would once again ask me if I was ok. I still could not speak, I would look at them and want to speak so bad, but my mouth just would seam to allow me to speak. At this point in my conscious parts I felt like nothing was real. I started by pinching myself, but then began hitting myself to try and feel pain so I knew it was real. My friends stopped me from doing this and I again blacked out into my own dark world of thoughts. I once again started feeling like I was dead or in a coma and remembered past experiences saddened by the feeling that they never really happened and I had imagined my whole life.

Next time I came to my friend was coming out of the kitchen with a pizza, he told me to eat some and that would make things better. I refused. I then proceeded to have a looping visual of the same scene. I must have seen him come out of the kitchen with a pizza a couple hundred times. During the points that I was conscious I was fixated on time. It seemed the only words I could say to my friends was "What time is it?" They would tell me and I would go back into my blackness and thoughts. After what felt like hours, even days of blackness and horrible thoughts I would come to again and ask my friends what time it was. They would advise me that only a minute or two had passed.

This continued on for a couple hours, and then I finally just seemed to snap out of it. The last time I came to I had to ask my GF if I had ate shrooms, because I wasn't sure if I had or if it was just all a nightmare. She advised me that we had tripped. I looked over at the TV and the picture has flowing back and forth like waves in a river. I immediately looked away. I could not look at the TV the rest of the night.

After coming out of the bad trip I felt better than I have ever felt in my life. It was almost like a religious experience. I was quite tired because I had been clinching all of the muscles in my body during the trip. I have never had a feeling so horrible, real or fake, in my life as when I was blacked out thinking I was dead. I think this is what made me feel so good when I came out of the bad trip, I found out that I was alive, and I was part of a "real" world. Others trip reports talk about the ego-death, there are not enough words to describe it, unless you experience it you will never know...but thats a good thing, because it is absolutely horrible.

I haven't tripped since. I am planning to again, my life is in a much better spot now, and I will be easing myself back into tripping through moderation. Oh yeah...I will definately unplug my phone as well!!!