there are two distinct stages to my life, pre and post mushroom. this life form in conjuction with the human brain is the cornerstone to all things that inspire true awe on this planet. the fungus is not just a decomposition specialist but is actually the universe itself. my first few trips were very forgiving and euphoric, with mild insight about the self and nature, the rest...well. i will try to concentrate a years worth of trips. as i started to work with the strain my doses would increase, five grams would bring me very close to ego death but always stop short ,definite interaction with some kind of other life force, constant motion like a series of gears or cogs, very unfamiliar , dominant colors are blue and purple, starting to become more familiar with the various stages of coming up, i still have very uncomfortable feelings around the two hour mark. as i progress i up the doses to eight grams, even though the dose was not doubled the trip was at a level of severe intensity, the coming up period was very difficult to get through, childhood memories and moments of eternity fuse and distort my perception of self and time, the two hour mark is becoming more elaborate and difficult to transcend, this is the definite boundary before reaching the ether, it will test the strongest of minds, i usually break down sobbing just prior to breaking through which helps a tremendous amount, perhaps shedding all of your pain helps hasten ego death, the more i practice just letting go the more i dissolve myself completely, the loss of self is sometimes overwhelming but yet satisfiying in a cold comfort kind of way, it is at this stage where one arrives egoless and pure, akin to birthday, where ones mind is bold and curious, untainted by judgment or fear, just acceptance. the first time i came in contact with the ether i was absolutely amazed, it pushed toward me like liquid and smoke, the colors were so pure and ever changing,it was like it had rainbow skin exterior with crystaline perpetually slithering interior that would upon focus shapeshift and spiral to infinity, so many eyes, looking back at me with curiosity, i would give anything to see what i am from its perspective. the flagship of my trips was the night i consumed twenty plus grams, earthshattering to say the least, this time the being appeared at the one hour mark which took me by surprise, it was strange in that it did not feel as though i was tripping at all, with closed eyes from the time of ingestion i saw nothing but black, but i could sense a raging energy force that seemed right behind the curtains, the curtains being my eyelids, when i opened them for the first time it was like a hurricane of color and noise engulfing the room and planet, i quickly closed my eyes again and it was calm and black, my heart was pounding and i was petrified beyond belief, right then the being formed in the blackness as a white and red octopus type creature with tenticles of light extruding from its body in all directions, then it just vanished and i yelled out what are you? and thats when i died, instantly enveloped in something so pure and loving i knew i had finally arrived, if there ever was a final destination whilst tripping, i had reached it. it showed me everything, nothing less and nothing more, i understood all, the irony that is revealed at death is so beautifull and hilarious i cannot ruin it for anyone, but anyone out there who knows is smiling right now, its like belonging to an elite club, but the membership came at a great cost, for you see i tried to bring the secret back with me, in doing so i would have changed the world, no more war, hate or greed, just a planet of love. alas i went comletely insane with the task, to break it down in brief there were fire trucks, cop cars and the drunk tank, nuff said. once you know though nothing is the same, i got through that incident but it changed me forever, i am now an artist, a filmaker and creator of music, qualities i had but were increased hundred fold, i see the secret everywhere around me, its simply beautifull, the answers were in the mushroom all along, so meticulously i seached the manifest universe, the stars and spheres and such, with no success. in life i dont think it is necessary to eat the mushroom, life is short and eventually the secret is revealed, but if you are curious and persistant the answer might just find you, one gram at a time.