MEMORY OF MY BIRTH

MEMORY OF MY BIRTH

OCTOBER 20th, 1969
10:00 PM – Ingested 5 grams of dried cubensis mushrooms.
Body weight: 168 lbs.
Age: 19

I had been working with psychoactive mushrooms for two years and had been experimenting with age regression during my last few sessions. Up to that point I had memories only as far back as five and a half years old and wanted to see if the effects of the mushrooms could push that back a year or two.
I discovered I could remember as far back to some traumatic event and no further. Once remembered though, I could remember further back. So I started at 5 ½ and worked backwards. It was amazing how the mushroom worked. It was like playing a VCR tape of your life except when you press play you jumped into the seen. You were actually there! It would go something like this:
All of a sudden it’s July, 1954. I’m in front of my house, 26 Dockray Street in Quincy Massachusetts. I’m walking towards Beal Street. It’s a hot sunny day and I’m wearing a blue outfit. As I pass under some maple trees I enter my character and cross the intersection of Hilda and Dockray. To my left Hilda street is paved. To my rite Hilda Street is still a dirt road for the last hundred feet as it terminates at what was once called the Bumpity road. I can hear birds and crickets and the buzz of a June bug off in Mrs. Rush’s yard . I can see and smell blacktop and tar. Kerosene road lamps are on the ground in front of the Miller’s house, they’re lit and look like black cannon balls with flame and thick black smoke coming from the top. They’re about to finish paving the street.
Steven Dubois is up at Beal Street calling me to come to him. Steven is my age, five and a half. As I approach… things go dizzy. Steven is pointing down at something . It doesn’t make sense at first but then I begin to understand. It’s a dead squirrel; head crushed by a car and it’s insides coming through the eye sockets. I ran home crying.
I would find myself back on my couch still under the influence of the mushrooms and only a minute had passed. Memory block lifted, I could now remember quite vividly all the way back to when I was 3 ½ .
It would go on from there. At 3 ½… a memory of my older brother Noel rough housing with our collie Laddy. ( I thought our dog was trying to eat him.)
With that lifted I could remember everything back to when I was 2 ½ when, regressed again, witnessed my brother Michael having his cast and a traction pin removed from his leg at Milton Hospital. Then I could remember even further back.
My last session had brought me back to crib memories. This was verified by my mother when I identified a room of a house we use to live in back in 1950. ( we moved out of that house when I was three months old. She had asked me how I could possibly remember that far back.) I can understand why this and other psychedelics were used so successfully in the 1950s by psychotherapists to help in age regression
I ultimately went as far back as three months old but couldn’t go back any further. Something was blocking my memory that even the mushrooms had trouble breaking threw. It was a dream I had at three months old. Tonight I was to go back to a warm June night in 1950 and remember a dream I had when I was 90 days old.

Ninety minutes after ingestion I was having strong visuals. I focused myself and closed my eyes.

11:35 PM ( 95 minutes after ingestion )

THE DREAM

DESCRIPTION: A cluster of strings all parallel to one another and extending in both directions indefinitely vibrate separately each to its own frequency. One linear string resonates an other in a harmonic exchange, creating a powerful and all encompassing cosmic song.
Being part of this song I ride an energy crest along my own harmonic string. The song sings of intangible geometric shapes, densities and mathematical equivalencies… each string sharing all its information with one another in a song that has no beginning.
I am one such energy string,… disembodied,… without substance… vibrating in perfect harmony…. with no perception of time or space… no sensation of awareness, just..... ALL!
Then....at a particular point along one of the parallel strings… the cosmic song is disrupted by a slight variation in frequency. This point has gravitated to a lower pitch. Adjacent parallel strings in close proximity are also pulled down in pitch as to fill the void of disruption until the whole cosmic song begins to distort and slow down. As if it were audible, the song grows ever louder as the pitch falls lower in proportion.
SENSATION:
Sudden feeling of "being"...disassociation...discomfort.
SENSATION:
A smell. A taste...(That taste)… Salty fluid permeating the nasals cavities and chest area...an ever increasing feeling of discomfort and that mucus salty like smell.
SENSATION:
The feeling of being disconnected from the cosmic song...extreme discomfort... first audible sounds and tones now being heard...fluids discharging from nose and lungs….blinding white light….feeling of terror, the cosmic song crescendos in an abrupt deafening silence.
Then quiet.....very quiet for what seems to be a very long time… no harmonics. The memory of the song slowly fades...then a noise...a loud noise from another place. It awakens me from some kind of a dream. The noise makes me feel uncomfortable....and that SMELL!! It still lingers; residual dried embryonic fluids still incrusted in parts of the posterior portions of the nasal cavities...and that TASTE...
SENSATION:
Visual stimuli now coordinating with other sensory input as I am becoming self aware inside a crib.
It's the 1st morning after my birth and one eye is crusted over from last nights sleep. There is an urge to remove the annoyance but an inability to figure out how.
A loud sound from another place makes me feel uneasy. I don't understand sounds. It carries no information, just random noise; no harmonics like...like...
Memories of the song fades as I receive more and more input from my new environment. A song I once understood now fades in the obscurity of the sights and sounds of a new existence. My first day is just a fleeting moment drowned in a whirlwind of sensory stimuli.
I’m falling asleep again and my head lays to the right. There is little difference between dreaming and being awake. End.



That night on mushrooms I had thought I went as far back as one could go when…

11:37 AM ( 97 minutes after ingestion )

I begin having memories that are not mine!!!!!