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Lost Body

the following words are as true as any I am capable of writing.

the following words are as true as any I am capable of writing. The reader will take caution to remember that these are still metaphors, a pale gloss on what really occurred.

With that in mind, here is the greatest true story I can muster:

After reading the ARCHAIC REVIVAL, I was immediately impressed by Terence McKenna and his incredible ideas, which to me rang so true. I rapidly sought out his other works, and THE INVISIBLE LANDSCAPE struck me as the most important. For those who have not read it, it is a description of an incredible "transcendental errand" performed by Terrence and his brother Dennis. The book also attempts to explain, in readable language, the mechanics behind their transdimensional doings. The basic premise of the experiment was that the brain is really a sort of tuning device capable of focusing on any information anywhere in the holographic universe. Certain molecular vibrations (namely psilocybin when combined with mao-inhibitors) allow the brain to discover information which is normally masked. Read this book, my description is woefully inadequate. Anyhow, I was interested enough to naively dabble in these realms myself.

The McKenna experiment involved high doses of fresh, Amazonian specimens of Stropharia cubensis and an ayahuasca preparation. I decided not to deal with any MAO-inhibitors, but I did have a supply of nice Psilocybe cyanescens, which are by weight more potent than the common cubensis. I ate several grams of dried cyanescens. The setting was a dark house on the Chesapeake Bay, in the middle of a February snowstorm. The fire cackled as I awaited results. Within minutes of ingesting the mushrooms, I felt the first intimations of what was to come, huge waves of psychedelic energy manifesting themselves as "wind" flowing through my body. I vomited violently, and retreated to the nearly pitch-black bedroom to lie down. My companion in the experiment claimed "I'm scared!" and my own teeth started to vibrate horribly, in conjunction with the "wind" described above. A horrendous, joyous, and absolutely unbelievable set of events followed.

The following events (to paraphrase FB Lamb in WIZARD OF THE UPPER AMAZON) are metaphor, it has taken me about 2 years to produce this reconstruction of what occurred on that fateful eve.

I thought I was dead. I knew I had done it to myself, but could not for the life of me remember what I had taken, why I was dead, or how it happened. I simply knew that I had done it, and I was somehow in a galactic prison, or a purgatory perhaps. The visions were plentiful, yet solemn. At this point they were mostly in black and white. I could feel my ego being physically crushed, just like a can still full of liquid. As the pressure increased, the contents pushed "outward". Eventually this culminated in some sort of squashed feeling which I can only relate to the poor 2-D creatures of the sci-fi classic FLATLAND. I spent some time in this suffering, progressively more terrifying state.

Eventually an entity came and delivered me unbidden personal attention. I was quite relieved to see another creature, for I suspected I was one myself (although not sure). At first I was captivated by its fluid motions and methodical actions. It was moving in rythyms, doing a dance of sorts. Eventually it occurred to me that the "dance" it was doing involved horrifying probes of my own form, and that it was moving faster than I could comprehend while doing so. I was paralyzed. I wasn't sure if I had a body or not, but this thing was doing something to ME, which was still intact. As I concentrated more and more upon its "physical" form (which is a term I use as loosely as possible), it occurred to me that it looked somewhat familiar. Not anything I had ever seen, but close. It was a giant praying mantis, although it had mental appendages and cartoon details about it. It also looked more squat than the terrestrial version of the insect, shorter and more robust. Its many arms worked up and down my existence, probing and testing every bit. It seemed to put no effort into comforting me, yet it did through some sort of telepathy imply that it would be easier for both of us if I stopped struggling. Eventually I did, and it left.

I lost almost all physical awareness, and felt my mind drifting through something resembling outer space. I saw stars, celestial bodies, etc, but was not sure if they were as such, or molecules. The difference seemed irrelevent at that point. I knew I had a brain, and a pair of lungs. I thought that was all. Imagining myself, I saw the brain connected to the lungs behind it, and realized that these two organs in this array must have influenced the design of that dreaded spaceship ""The ENTERPRISE". As I charted the cosmos, I became aware that through a bit of imagining, or some similar process, I could arrange them to my own satisfaction. I found that different arrangements produced different mental states, some I had known while others were wildly strange. Upon reflection, the impression that I had was that I was re-arranging molecules which were fundamental in neuro-transmitting tasks. One arrangement of the "stars" felt similar to LSD, one to 2CB, and so forth. I was not aware of this at the time, however. I simply moved the stars according to whim, and felt pleased with the immediate physical results.

I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but I eventually slipped into another "room". This was the typical round room deep psychedelics take me to. However, this time it was much larger than normal. Around the perimeter flowed the forms of creatures who looked more like cartoon drawings of dogs than anything else. They seemed Mayan, in as far as they all had dragging tongues and eyes which looked only backwards. They seemed to give me a grinning, sarcastic sneer as they drifted past me. Meanwhile, in the middle of the "sphere", I had other entities to deal with. I cannot come up with any words to describe most of them, although the frivolous doodles which cover the margins of my school lecture notes come closer to anything at approximating their forms. The only clear example I can present is one interesting specimen: I saw a Mexican man, dressed in traditional Huichole garb, kneeling and vomiting on himself. He looked up at me with a knowing glance, and continued his vomiting. I wondered later if I really met him or not. I also wondered what entheogen or technique took us to the same place. It occurred to me a month or so later to wonder if he had seen a college honkey, stoned to the gills on mushrooms, floating through his own sacred space.

I finally relaxed, enjoying the inevitability of it all. instantly, flowers looking like opium poppies surrounded me and the "machine-elves" of DMT fame came to visit. They assured me that I was safe, and really a nice guy to boot. In their high pitched collective voice, they sang a song revealing to me not only my own nature, but that of all creatures as well. They assured me that my DNA was not only similar to their own, but part of as well as *encompassing* their own "code". They stressed the simultaneousness of this seemingly contradictory statement. I started to laugh out loud, mostly at the absurdity of it all. My laughing became uncontrollable. It should be added that at this point I was so immersed that it did not matter if my eyes were open or closed. However, this laughing was the first event in what seemed like months which reminded my of my personal form and body. And I laughed... I could not stop!

The laughing at one point "locked on" to a particular vocal frequency, and I could not get it to budge. Indeed, I was aware that I was releasing a monotonal hum. Even breathing did not seem to interfere with its clarity. I found it satisfying, and started to explore. By going with the sound, instead of trying to stop it, it grew louder and louder. Eventually it culminated in what McKenna correctly describes as a metallic buzzing sound. Very much like the sound of a cicada, but with many other elements added. I did feel as a bug making the sound, and I had an intuitive understanding of metamorphosis. As this sound continued, I noticed it was affecting my visions. Before, the elves were rapidly and almost violently competing for my attention, each trying to show me a better toy than the last. But this incredible sound caused them to order themselves into intricate yet subtle patterns of the greatest coherency. By slightly altering the pitch of the growl, or modulating it, the patterns changed. After some time, I could actually sculpt three dimensional objects. I did not attempt to make a chair, or a dog, or anything like that, but rather sculptures of pure light and revolving spheres, towers of emerald surrounded by throbbing orbs of sound and love. These were the toys I presented back to the machine-elves. This ability continued for what I would (with no way of ever knowing) say was roughly a half hour. This was the most satisfying, absurd, and enjoyable feeling I have ever had in my life. All frustrations associated with inability to express myself were flattened. It was as if I were vomiting my soul right into the air, where it loved to dance and play.

So now I am left with a ridiculous set of goals in life. I have done this again with another person who claimed the ability, and indeed the visions are seen by both parties. Like mental sex of untold richness. The possibilities of this "language" with no danger of misinterpretation are so staggering I can't conceive of pursuing any other future for us monkies. To my amazement, and despite my wide sampling of the psychedelic community across the U.S., this phenomenon is almost unknown. I don't know what triggers it, only that if I eat enough mushrooms it will come. Strangely, I have not been able to have much success with the vocalizations on DMT, where this supposedly manifests itself more readily.

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