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Losing all sense of self

Well, here I am trying to write my first trip report and it is very hard to put into words what I experienced last night on my first shroom trip.



Well, here I am trying to write my first trip report and it is very hard to put into words what I experienced last night on my first shroom trip. However, I will do my best so here goes.
First of all a bit of background about me. I’m a 21 year old male with an average body mass and I have had experience of a number of drugs. These include ecstasy, amphetamine, cocaine, ketamine, acid, nitrous oxide and cannabis (damn I sound like a druggie!!!!!). However, I have rarely used any of the above for the past two years apart from cannabis. I have tripped before on acid and I have reached a Level 3 trip on acid alone, whilst on combining it with ketamine I have experienced a Level 5 trip and what I believe was ego death. That was over two years ago.
I had been excited about the idea of taking some shrooms for some time, having discovered that it was possible to buy mushroom growing kits on the Internet. I was hoping to try fresh shrooms when I was over in Amsterdam about three weeks ago, but decided against it because I felt that I would rather be safe at home for my first shroom trip. In retrospect, this was a wise decision.
Just after getting back from Amsterdam I discovered a website here in the UK that sells shroom kits and fresh Psilocybe mexicana truffles, so I ordered one kit and 15 grams of fresh shrooms. They arrived yesterday and I was eager to try the fresh stuff.
Over the past few weeks I have read many trip reports and as much information as I can find on mushrooms because I like to be well informed about any drug that I take. My expectation for the trip was to perhaps reach a Level 2 and possible even a Level 3, as the dosage I was going to be taking was meant to be low to medium. I thought I would get a bit giggly, see a few mild visuals and generally have a laugh for a few hours. However, I was definitely underestimating the power of the shrooms.
At about 16.30 on Friday evening my partner and I decided to split the 15 grams between us. I guess I had approximately 8 grams of fresh Psilocybe Mexicana truffles and I munched on them a bit before swallowing them. I remember them tasting revolting and having to wash them down with lots of water. I then had a cup of warm herbal tea to get rid of the taste in my mouth. My journey was just beginning and I will now try to describe my experience over the next few hours.
T+5
As would be expected I can’t really feel anything yet but I decide to go online and post a message on the Shroomery message board explaining that I have just taken some shrooms for the first time. I feel like I want to share the experience with my fellow trippers.
T+15
I am beginning to feel the first effect of the shrooms. I am starting to feel very excited and there are mild rushes flowing through my arms and legs. Everything I look at has a shimmer to it and I keep smiling. I am looking at the computer screen and trying to read the text on a web page but it appears to be moving about ever so slightly and is quite an effort to read. I am listening to John Lennon’s “Imagine” and it is sounding very good and very uplifting. When I close my eyes I can feel a warmth flowing through my body.
T+30
The effects are really beginning to start coming on strong now. I am amazed at how rapidly the shrooms are working and I start to think that perhaps I shouldn’t have taken so much. However, I just relax and remind myself that I am perfectly safe and this makes me feel much better. I am also feeling slightly nauseous at this time but I take a few deep breaths and this too makes me feel much better. Sounds are now much clearer and louder and I can hear things that I wouldn’t normally pay much attention to such as people talking outside in the street or the computer humming. The visual are also getting stronger now and the walls are starting to bulge slightly and the keyboard is glowing where the spaces are between the keys. In general, things are looking slightly warped and everything is starting to move about a bit. I decide to post another message on the Shroomery message board explaining how I’m feeling, with the intention to keep posting throughout my trip. However, things get so much stronger later that I don’t manage to post any more messages whilst I’m tripping.
T+45
I have now moved downstairs to the living room and I am sitting with my partner. We decide to put on some music. It is quite difficult to choose what to listen to, but we opt for a bit of Annie Lennox because we both think she has a wonderful voice. We put on a happy track and turn up the volume. I feel quite sedated right now and my body feels heavy and warm. The music is so wonderful to listen to and there is such a depth to it. I close my eyes and I experience the most wonderful closed eye visuals. Rather than lots of geometric patterns and tunnels that I have experienced when closing my eyes on acid, I am now seeing soft floating globular shapes with a much more organic feel about them. I can feel my body starting to melt away and I feel myself merging with my surroundings. It is so hard to explain what I am feeling and it is almost like my senses are blending together.
T+60
We have now changed the music and are listening to The Orb. It is difficult to now tell whether my eyes are open or shut and I have to feel my eyelids to see if they are closed. Everything I touch I seem to become part of as if my consciousness is flowing out through my fingertips. When I do have my eyes open and I look at my partner in profile it is as if he has two faces, one where it should be and one on the back of his head. It is almost impossible to describe but it’s almost as if my vision is splitting into two. I look at the wall and there are a few cracks which are glowing with white light. The visuals are so intense that it is easier just to shut my eyes and morph with my surroundings. I try to think back to what I was doing earlier on in the day but I cannot really remember and to be honest I do not particularly care. I am beginning to forget who I am and am instead becoming just part of my surroundings.
***Please note that from now on my estimations at timing are only approximate as I am beginning to find it difficult to comprehend time***
T+75
I now hear my partner’s voice suggesting that perhaps we might like to change the scene a bit. Hearing his voice brings me back into a more aware state of mind and I suddenly realise where I am and wonder how long I’ve been sitting here. I get up off the sofa and as I stand up feel as if I am much taller than normal. The visuals are extremely strong now and it difficult to focus on anything in particular. I feel very floaty and detached. I decide that I would quite like to have a warm shower to freshen up and I go to the bathroom. As I get there I forget why I’ve gone there and walk back to the sitting room. This happens a few times until my partner eventually reminds me of what I am trying to do. I want to have some music whilst I am having my shower so I go upstairs to get the portable CD player. It is very much an effort to find it, and even more difficult to find the power lead for it as it is plugged into something near the computer. I wrestle with the various plugs and eventually manage to get it free. I then go downstairs and try and plug it in just outside the bathroom. I am getting very confused though and I am crawling around on my hands and knees trying to work out how to open the CD drawer. Eventually I figure it out. I walk back to the living room to get a CD and go to choose one from the CD folder we have. As I look at the CDs they are all like spinning wheels and it takes a lot of effort to work out which is which. Eventually I choose the album “Deep Forest”. I return to the player and put it on.
T+85
Now I am having a shower and the water feels very strange as it splashes on my skin. As I stand there under the warm stream of water I look at the Venus Fly Trap I have on the window sill and it is waving around as if it is dancing. The Deep Forest album is playing and as I shut my eyes I feel like I am in some sort of forest environment. The noise of water splashing around me seems to blend perfectly with the music.
T+100
I finish washing and I dry off and walk back to the living room where there is a huge mirror. As I look at myself in the mirror my face is continuously warping and changing and my skin looks very iridescent. I can sense that the peak is coming and I feel that it would be best to be lying down for it. My partner and I go upstairs, taking the CD player with us, and we lie naked in bed together. Enigma is playing and we hold each other gently. I turn over to look at the alarm clock and try and read the time but it makes no sense. Time is once again ceasing to have any meaning.
T+115
Next comes the most amazing part of the experience. It is essentially impossible to convey in words what am feeling but I will do my best. As I cuddle up with my eyes closed I feel that I have become my partner whilst at the same time I cannot remember who he is or who I am. I am losing all sense of self and instead I am becoming at one with all around me. All my senses have blended together and I am experiencing everything at once. There is now no such thing as seeing, hearing or feeling, there is just being. I have merged with the universe and I feel like I have come home. I do not remember my previous life and I feel that it is no longer important.
T+130
Suddenly, I become aware that I am lying in a bed and that I am with someone. I wonder how long I have been lying here and I slowly begin to remember that at some point previously I had eaten some shrooms. I get out of bed and stand up feeling elated. I cannot believe nor comprehend what I have just experienced and I begin to find myself laughing. I keep saying out loud “I cannot believe it, that is the most amazing thing ever”. I am still tripping hard but because of the profoundness of what I have just experienced, things look relatively normal. I am at a loss as to what to do with myself. I just want to run out into the street and jump with joy. I keep trying to find words to express myself but I am virtually speechless.
T+145
I now remember that I had previously posted a message on the Shroomery discussion board and I go to check if I have any replies. There are some replies and I feel so happy that people have responded. My partner and I read the messages and laugh and smile. I want to share my experience with everyone but cannot think what to write. I decide that I will write my trip report later on.
T+155
We now decide to go back downstairs and we are laughing and smiling. I can see happy colourful visuals. I look at my feet and they look so long and funny, like Hobbit feet. My hands also look long and peculiar and I laugh even more. We go and make a pot of tea which takes quite a while to do and seems very complicated, but tastes great when it is done. I cannot emphasise enough how happy and in awe I feel at this time, and I feel that nothing could scare or frighten me.
T+175
We now go and talk for a bit and my partner and I discuss the experiences we have just had upstairs on the bed. I have a permanent grin across my face and I am full of joy and excitement. The visuals are now not so intense and everything has a cartoon like feel about it. We decide to watch a bit of comedy and we put on a DVD of the first series of “Spaced”. As I watch the actor’s faces they look so funny and are changing and moving around. They almost have a 3D look to them. It is quite difficult to follow what is being said but we find ourselves laughing anyway. I turn down the lights in the room a bit and immediately the characters begin to look a bit evil and scary. However, I just welcome the feeling and smile and things soon change back to all being happy and funny again.
T+245
We watch a bit more comedy and then decide to cook some food as I can feel my body telling me I am hungry. By this point I am very much returning to normal and the visuals are becoming far less pronounced. We eat some noodles and feel much better. I also eat a pear and the texture and taste is fantastic. I still feel elated.
T+265
I now feel ready to have a mild joint and we make one and go and smoke it in the living room. It really relaxes me but does not make the trip come back that much. The effect of the shrooms has largely worn off now and in a way I am glad. We sit and watch some more comedy and funny stuff on TV. Everything seems very funny.
T+450
Now off to bed and I fall asleep very quickly and awake in the morning feeling fantastic.
Notes
I cannot get over how powerful shrooms can be and it feels great to know that they are totally natural and safe. In comparison with acid, shrooms offer a very gentle and happy trip and are far less edgy and have less of a speedy feel to them. The length of trip is also just right and far more suitable for first time trippers. I feel no immediate rush to repeat the experience, but will no doubt do so at some point in the future. Thank you for listening.

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