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Life, Death, and Eternity

I've only recently got into shrooms, and I figure this would be my 7th or 8th trip.

I've only recently got into shrooms, and I figure this would be my 7th or 8th trip.

As for my setting and mindset, I'd just finished work for the summer, and was really tired. I was hopeful and happy, and had just finished the best part of a bottle of bourbon. At that point, I decided to eat just a little dried mushroom I had...

Yeah, I was drunk. And yeah, I've had shrooms while drunk before, with some very OK results. I've also had bad trips. This was the worst, and yet somehow the best trip ever. But don't get me wrong it was AWFUL at the time...

I started off OK, eating 4-9g of dried mushrooms. I had made a mistake, however, by not unplugging my phone. A non-shrooming friend phoned, and I stupidly picked up, to hear an account of some every day things. I then told him I had to go, as it was late (and my trip was just about to really get going) but he wouldn't leave off. He kept on and on. Finally, I told him I would hang up at any minute, as I had been out and my drink got spiked, and I would have to go to bed. He still wouldn't go. When I told him I was feeling odd, and thought someone had spiked my drink with LSD, and I was beginning to suffer odd effects, he started to tell me I had bugs coming out of my head and aliens would abduct me, at which point I told him to fuck off, and hung up, knowing this would affect my trip (who needs friends like that?!)

The next bits are vague. I was getting the usual trippy visuals and stuff, but I decided I wanted to intensify the trip, and I had loads of fresh shrooms, so I picked them and ate them straight from the propagator I have. After that, things started to get weird, and I kept on eating shrooms.

I can't remember certain elements, but the next main thing I remember is, I was sitting on my couch listening to Jim M's American Prayer. I got up and left my body, and felt, "this is it, I'm going to meet jim". I stood in my kitchen dancing to the music, and then I heard the words, "Did you have a good world when you died, enough to base a movie on?" And then I knew I was dead, and I didn't care, I had left my body and it felt good, really good. In fact, I felt as if I was orgasming all the time. I kept going to the toilet, and when I urinated it felt as if I was coming over and over again. In the kitchen (where I was all the time, even though I had been upstairs to pee) I was still listening to Jim Morrison) I was feeling more and more out of body and I felt really good at that point.

Then the music started to scare me, and I tried to fast forward to another album, but I couldn't shut the damn music off. I got to another album, decided it would freak me out even more, and wanted to take the CD out and stop it altogether. So I flipped the CD out, and it started spinning on my finger, but the music didn't stop. So I killed the power, and even then the music didn't stop. I started to kill the power to all the sockets in the kitchen, but the music kept on and on, and my mind was telling me I was dead, and was with Jim M, and I deserved to be dead for being so stupid as to take these mind-fucking substances.

So I felt thirsty then, and went to the sink to drink some water, cupping it in my hands and splashing it into my mouth. Suddenly, I did not know where I was. I was utterly terrified. I looked at my kitchen, my sink, my window, and I was convinced that I had been there forever. I kept scooping water on to my face, but I felt like I was stuck somewhere, and that I had been there forever. Outside the house, the entire world had disappeared, and I was the only human left, and if I could just drink enough water, I would be OK. Except outside it was really dark, and I suddenly knew I had been put here to suffer, and that I would stand here, watching the window blinds and sucking water down my throat forever...

The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back, looking up at a world that didn't mean anything at all. I felt really happy, but then a voice started telling me that if I didn't get up, I would be dead very soon. I figured I would pass out and choke on my own vomit or something, but a voice kept asking me if I wanted to live. I decided I did want to live and fought my way up, and up, and up, and I got up, and thought, yeah, I survived the trip, but then I fell straight back down...

I was on the floor, and I was sinking into the floor. I fell down for miles and miles, and then I saw myself in a laboratory somewhere. I was pulling a switch, and sending myself into (this earth) a strange world to see what it was like. I had a life, a family, and sometimes enjoyed looking out at the double suns of wherever it was....but I sent myself here, created this little bubble in time just to see what it was like. And my friends did this too (NB I don't have any friends who trip) and we loved doing this, but then I started falling further, and further, and I became a subatomic particle, spinning round and round, and I was thinking should I carry on spinning, spinning, spinning, or should I throw back that poor lad's consciousness and let him get back on with his pathetic life? Hmmm It would be very interesting to go to that universe and live a life like this fool who's just come down to take a look at me... Hmmmmm

The next minute I was trying to crawl up a great tunnel and wondering where I was, and I climbed harder and harder, and eventually I found myself on my kitchen floor, and thought the trip was over...

So I went upstairs, and the fan I had going had slowed down so it was moving like a clock hand. I was scared for some reason. I went near the window, and thought I had fallen out of the window. I fell over, and was convinced I was dying, that I had killed myself somehow, not deliberately, but somehow. I couldn't stand up. I fell over again, and became convinced that I had done something stupid, taken too much, etc.

I blacked out for some time, and then became convinced that I had either set fire to the house or introduced some kind of toxic gas into it, I rushed downstairs to open the back door, then the front door, upon which I met the postman, who gave me a letter. I asked him if I was alive, but he was gone. I went back in, convinced I was dead, that I had done something really stupid and that I was dead. Completely dead, and I was a ghost. I worried about my parents, about my life, and I was still dead. Then I went outside, and I wondered why I had smashed all the neighbours' windows by throwing rocks at them, and I really believed I had done it. Then a knock came at the door, and I went out, and it was a policeman, telling me I hadn't done any of that at all, and so I was relieved. BUT.. he said, my mother was dead, and that was the worst feeling I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. I was scared shitless, and as some of you can imagine, the grief of that moment stretched over infinite fields. It was the most horrendous moment I have ever had in my lfe, but I think I've said that.

I shut the door, and then I think I started to come down, and went up to bed. I went to turn off a fan that had never been switched on, and got into bed, and hoped my mum would still be alive the next time I spoke to her, and hoped, indeed, that there would still be some kind of world out there, and not the alien world that appeared to be my destiny......

This trip was really, fucking scary. At the same time, a few days later, I feel really re-vitalized. I've seen my mum, so she's OK for now. I feel really, rreally fucking happy. I've read reports of people having a bad trip and feeling totally fucked. I don't feel that way. I've never felt that way after a bad trip - I've always felt as if I was supposed to learn something. I went to the Darkside, and came back again...

I think this might say something about my being very well held together. I thought this before I did shrooms, and I still think it - and I can understand, having been through this, why some people should just stay the fuck away from things like this, because...If you are very well held together, you may well do shrooms and be OK. But you could also do shrooms and end up with your head fucked beyond belief... If in doubt, don't do it, man, or just do a VERY low dose..

If anyone has one like this and wants to talk about it, get me at robradcliffe@yahoo.com >
Maybe this shit is really real...Or there are just perceptions which challenge us so much, we cannot understand them..

More things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy, fellow stranger..............

Happy shrooming,

I Love YOU,

Dr M

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