I was in Amsterdam for 2 weeks and I was staying with a mate who left to go back home before I did.
I was in Amsterdam for 2 weeks and I was staying with a mate who left to go back home before I did. I was smoking a fair bit of pot and went into a drug shop. There was some funny looking weed stuff that I asked about and ended up buying. I was told to have no more than half. I had heard of mushrooms before, but I had to no idea what to expect. I was curious, and I wanted to know what this was all about. I took 1/4 of what was there (thank god I didn't take half), and within half an hour I remember sitting down enjoying watching people walk into the hostel where I was staying. I was on my own and didn't know anyone in this foreign country. Big mistake! Little did I know that I was about to go on the most amazing yet terrifying ride of my life.
Initially it was great! I was laughing hysterically at everyone. I noticed they looked at me strangely, but this only made me more amused. I had no inhibitions. I felt like I had never felt before, and before long I started to feel like I wanted to go to my room. I lay on my bed and closed my eyes and began to see the most remarkable 3 dimensional images. It was like my mind was an Imax theatre.
I began hearing the voice of god and actually worked out the meaning of life. I'm not kidding! Have you got any idea what it feels like to work out the meaning of life? I can't even remember now what it was, but I remember what it felt like. I was enlightened and began to talk more to god, and wanted to know why we hadn't chatted more often. I thought he was a great bloke! And the voices became louder, but these weren't "thought voices", these were really voices that could be heard (like someone really talking), inside my head! And then I was told that only people who had been where I was would understand what I was feeling - like it was a special club. And then the Devil told me that I was going to die!
Ok, it's time to come back to normal. I've had enough, and would like my body back please. "Oh no", the Devil said. "We’ve only just begun". I began to freak out and had a massive anxiety attack!
I remember seeing some of the people in the room looking at me strangely. No wonder, I was convinced I was going to die and told everyone in the room as much. I reckon they thought I had gone mad, and they were right! I tried everything to get back to normal. I tried throwing up and even tried shitting it out. I remember sitting in the unisex toilet and having a young lady come in and ask whether there was any danger of shutting the toilet door? Normally this is something that would embarrass me, but not on this occasion. I couldn't care less who saw me! I did manage to get one out, and pulled my pants up without a wipe! I just didn't care; I thought I was going to die anyway, so the act of taking a dump was the last thing on my mind.
I looked at myself in the mirror. It was the first time I had grown a goatee beard. I just wish I had never grown it. It freaked me out. I also felt that my body was separate from my spirit or mind. My body and face felt numb, even when I touched it. I was even more convinced that I was going to die, and I wanted people to know who I was so they could let my dad know, back in Australia.
I ran down stairs and spoke to someone at reception, and told a lady what my name was, and to call an ambulance immediately. When she asked why, I informed her that it was because I was going to die. A man with a long beard came up to me and asked what my problem was? I told him what I had consumed, and he said for me to relax, I was on the mushy's and in Amsterdam. "It's cool brother"! I thought "my god", it's the lead singer from ZZ Top! The ZZ Top man was the guru and he had been there before, or so I thought. I bowed to him and kissed his feet. He told me to go for a walk and I would start to settle down soon. I said ok, and started, became as petrified as I could ever even have imagined, and then collapsed in the middle of the street and started crying like a baby. At this stage, I had a large audience. No one seemed to be amused.
A girl came out and held my hand and took me for a walk. I didn't want to go, but she just insisted and for some reason I trusted her. I walked past the shop that sold the mushy’s to me. We both walked in there, and I started explaining to they guy what I was going through. I didn't even need to finish and he gave me some honey and Vitamin B. I pretty much came down within minutes.
After it all, I was amazed at what I had just been through, the strain it had put on me, and then the fact that I was back to normal. No hangover, no feeling that I had taken anything at all. 100% normal. I just felt hungry, so I went to the toilet and wiped, changed my undies (threw 'em out secretly - although that girl kept looking at me strangely later on), I had a shave, and then had the most magnificent kebab imaginable.
Would I recommend anyone take these? No bloody way! You've got to be kidding!
If you are silly enough not to take my advice, then please remember the following points in the case of an emergency:-
1. Do not take them on your own.
2. Ensure that you are fully shaved beforehand.
3. You will not die, despite how convinced you are.
4, God is not really talking to you, and the devil is in a cave in Afghanistan somewhere.
5. You don't decide when you come back to normal, the mushrooms will.
6. Honey and Vitamin B are made in heaven.
7. Do not over consume at the first taking (not that I did)
8. Do it somewhere that you are familiar with and with people you know and trust, and also people who are on them as well.
9. Say hi to "ZZ top" - he's the guru!