---- I apologize beforehand for any grammatical errors that may exist in this text ---- For a very long time, I have read these "trip reports", on almost everything from cannabis to cocaine.
---- I apologize beforehand for any grammatical errors that may exist in this text ----
For a very long time, I have read these "trip reports", on almost everything from cannabis to cocaine. At any rate, I never though I'd find myself sitting down to write a "trip report" of my own. I felt that all other trip reports that I have read seemed so incredibly inadequate. I felt that somehow if I wrote one, someone out there would read it and would have a clearer idea of the substance I will be writing about.
Just as I have read manyy trip reports, I've also tried very many different substances. Some of them made me happy and carefree, such as cannabis, and others degraded my whole life to utter shit, such as cocaine. Of all the substances that I have forced my body to endure, the only one that I really see in a very high light would have to be Psilocybe mushrooms.
I hope that the reiteration of my experience with shrooms helps someone out there.
Well, as I have said, I am a fairly experienced drug user/abuser. Although I dislike using the word "drug", most of the substances I have tried really are "drugs". The only substances I have experimented with that I don't consider "drugs" are cannabis and psychadelics. I have tried other psychadelics, such as LSD, but my one true Psilocibin trip, I would have to say, was on a level that I find sometimes hard to relate to others. I have had two Psilocibin trips total. My very first "trip" wasn't bad, but it wasn't nearly as good as my most recent "trip". My first trip happened around the Winter of 2004. I took 1/8th of an ounce of mushrooms. It made me very happy and was a very fun experience. It was a trip that I had remembered for a long time, but had never had the motivation or the funds to try doing mushrooms again. Fast forward about 5 months. I had found a job, and was making a good amount of money weekly. I had, through my connection for Cannabis, found out that there was a small supply of mushrooms available in my town. Because I had some extra cash and time, I decided to invest my money in some mushrooms. I wanted to buy an ounce of the stuff, so I wouldn't run out quickly, as mushrooms are fairly hard to find around here. Unfortunately, there wasn't an ounce available, so I bought as much as I could. It ended being a little over 2/8ths of an ounce. I spent $80 for this amount. I injested about half of the bag in the car while still in the company of the person whom I had purchased the shrooms from. By the way, unfortunately I had to deal with very shady characters to get the shrooms. I wish sometimes the government would give up its sad fight against this miracle substance, but alas it probably will not be. At any rate, a good amount of time passed, and I began to feel a little weird. I knew that I was getting to the trip but wasn't sure when it would come. At this point about 45 minutes had passed. I asked to be dropped off home, so I could wait for it to take its effect. After about another 30 minutes passed, and its full intensity had not yet hit me, I decided that I had been cheated out of my cash, and that these shrooms were not of a high quality. At this point all it had been was a mild feeling of something being "off". But the full effects still were clearly not there. So I took the second half of the bag. I packed my small glass pipe with some cannabis, took a seat on my balcony, and popped in some music. I started to smoke the pipe, and was at the same time noticing that my "trip" was growing increasingly in intensity. I felt more and more in a state a mind that resembled the way I had been on my first trip. There was one particular moment that was very unique to me. While I was smoking this pipe, I became fixated on this pole at one corner of this balcony. This pole is part of a railing that goes around the entire perimeter of the balcony, so as to prevent anyone from falling accidentally. It is painted white. Well, I started to stare really hard at this pole. I noticed a tingling in my eyes. And then, suddenly, the pole began to change color. Not only the pole, but the entire view I had started to change color. The pole, and all the poles that hold the railing of the balcony, all started to turn purple. The clouds, as it was a fairly cloudy day, started turning a purplish gray. All of the trees and the grass started to change to a very off green color. This changing of colors persisted for quite a bit. I realized I had finished off my cannabis, and upon hearing my father entering the house, I figured I'd greet my dad and tell him I was tired and was going to go to sleep. I went downstairs, and I felt as though I was no longer experiencing the world first hand. Almost as though I was an entity within myself. I also noticed that I had to force myself to not laugh. I was laughing so hard within myself, but because I didn't want my parents to know I was on something, I had to keep it in for the few minutes that I had to spend downstairs. When I was sure I would no longer be bothered, I went to my room.
This is where the real "trip" began. When I got to my room, I felt as though something was really wrong. It was as though I was worrying about something so greatly, but what it was I wasn't sure. I took a seat at the edge of my bed. It was hard to bring myself to do anything. It was as though I literally could not think. I remember putting my head in my hands and literally trying to talk myself into getting up. This was honestly the worst part of the entire trip. Even though it didn't last long, I felt so very hopeless. I became convinced that I would never leave that state. It was almost amazing how much the psilocibin had taken control of my mind. I came to my senses after some twenty minutes trying to get myself to do anything. I forced myself onto my balcony, and very methodically packed another pipe full of cannabis, sat down in a chair, and turned some music on. I generally listen to these cd-r cds I burn with music I really enjoy. I remember forcing myself to turn to this one song called When the Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin. I remember that when I finally got setteled I heard a thundering sound coming from the north. When I heard it, I was almost positively convinced that I was the only one hearing it. Deep down I knew it was only the thundering of fireworks, but outwardly I felt as though I was the only one hearing it. I also remember when I looked in the direction of the thundering, I saw colorful lights that would originate from the horizon and move slowly upward towards the very zenith of my perspective of the sky. They weren't single spots of lights at all. These lights were like clouds filled with light. These travelling lights soared and changed color as they flew. I listened to the fireworks for some time. I became lost in the thundering of the ground. I felt as though I was one with the lights, that I too was soaring through the sky. And I remember thinking how everything I saw was so contradictory to what I felt. At the climax of the fireworks, when the fireworks generally get louder and faster, I became so unbelievably overjoyous. I laughed so loud and so hard. When the thundering ended, I heard the sounds of my next door neighbors talking in their backyard, but I didn't know it was human talking until I later looked and saw that there were people sitting there. I realized they were having a bbq. I then realized that I was still on my balcony, but the one thing that was now different is that I was now standing up, whereas I had sat down when first coming onto the balcony. I tried smoking the cannabis I had, but I found that it too was hard to do. Listening to music was a very emotional experience. I felt as though I was flowing with the music. My entire soul became blended in with everything I was seeing and hearing. I remember at one point the song Breathe by Pink Floyd started playing. If anyone has heard that song they will know that at the beginning there is sort of a build up to the music. And right before the climax, after which the real music begins, a man can be heard screaming. This screaming, while I listened to it, was so very frightening to me. I felt so alone when I heard it. I wanted it to end so much. It ended not too long after it had started. That song is, and at the time was, amazing to listen to. It was a very beautiful experience. I felt so overjoyous.
By this point in my trip I was beginning to lose all concepts of time. It was no longer relevent. The only way I knew that time was indeed passing was from the music playing. And even that at times seemed to slow down. I even remember at one point hearing the song Fearless by Pink Floyd and I remember actually hearing one part of the song become very slow and then it played backwards. It was very odd to me, but I accepted it. The thought that I had taken shrooms to achieve that state didn't even occur to me. I felt as though I had felt this way all my life. My vision at this point was grossly altered. I remember feeling like everything I saw was a little 2-dimensional. Everything was distorted. Distances no longer had the same effect. What was normally a ten foot drop from my balcony, now looked like a step down from my current position. All the lights I saw had a watery effect to them, and all lights had halos around them, very similar to the visual effects of LSD. My memories of the things I thought about are blurred now, but everything I thought about while still on the "trip" felt so real. At some point I remember simply closing my eyes. I no longer needed my eyes. Even with my eyes closed, what I saw was just as real as what I saw with my eyes open. While my eyes were closed I felt as though I was being revealed some ancient secret. I felt as though the world was unraveling for me to better understand. And it didn't stop at simple feelings. I literally saw the world unravel. Nothing at all mattered now. I was part of the whole world, and the whole world was likewise part of me. I also recall being convinced that my mouth was closed but when I reached for my face, my mouth was wide open. I put my fingers in my mouth to be absolutely sure it was open and it was, yet in my head I was sure that my mouth was closed completely.
For a very long time my state of mind continued in this way. It's a bit of a blur now recalling it. I remember that when I finally came to my senses and realized that I was me, that I was living, in this reality and in no other, I finally stood up. I was still very much at the peak of my trip. I opened my balcony door and went back into my room. I remember having a fairly hard time trying to walk across my room. Everything was heavily distorted. My room door looked a lot larger and it almost seemed as though I was looking at the reflection of my door in one of those "funny" mirrors. My room looked larger overall. I went to the bathroom. I turned on the lights and looked into the mirror. What I saw was quite frightening. I saw myself, but it wasn't me. I saw that my eyes had grown. The black of my eyes was larger in diameter. Or at least thats how I saw it. As I started at myself in disbelief, at my eyes, the bathroom began taking on a largely yellow hue. It turned to red and then started to darken. The whole bathroom, although lit with light, I saw darken to complete pitch darkness. After sometime of getting lost in my thoughts, I came to my senses again. I found that I had left my original position of standing up, and was now lying down on my side on the floor of the bathroom. I got up with all my effort and took a piss. I left the bathroom. I went back to my room and sat down once again at the edge of my bed. I once again let go of my mental inhibitions that I had forced on myself to be able to use the bathroom. I remember staring very hard at the television. I noticed that the channel I was watching was the Cable Guide channel, you know the one that shows all the television shows, their times, and the current time. I remembered that I had wanted to know what time it was so I took a look at the time. The clock I had was a digital one and it showed hour, minutes, and seconds. At the time, it was about 10:30-10:45. I remember watching the seconds count off on the clock. And then something very weird happened. Instead of counting forward in time, I'm almost completely positive that it began to move backwards. I remembered it slowed down as such.. 16... 17.... 18...... 19.......... It stopped counting off and suddenly started going backwards. I saw the numbers I had seen earlier begin to count off. I didn't understand at the time what was going on. How could time stop and begin moving backwards? For a good amount of time I watched this clock. I tried to figure out how much time had elapsed since the start of my trip, but I couldn't add or subtract or anything for the life of me. I kept repeating the same numbers that were now tattooed into my mind, 5, 6 and 7. Instead of my world being my immediate physical surroundings, my world was these numbers. I began to become frustrated at why I couldn't figure how much time had passed. I remember losing myself for another few minutes when I came back to my senses. I found I had curled up on my bed in a near fetal position. Humming. I was so surprised by this because I do not at all recall moving myself.
It was at this point where I noticed that I was coming down. I started to have flashbacks almost. I saw different portions of my life pop into my mind and disappear again. I felt so happy with the world. I felt like it would be a brand new slate for the rest of my life. I remembered even shedding tears at how happy I was. My joy went beyond anything I have ever felt in my entire life. For about another hour or two I was laid down on my bed feeling this overbearing joy. It was as though I was reborn. I remembered people I dearly cared about. I remembered every single significant even in my life. The rest of the "trip" was spent in meditation and reflection.
The next morning I woke up with a very suvere headache. My head and entire body was sensitive to loud noises and really bright lights. Most of my body ached. I felt really drained. I spent that whole next day reflecting on what I had experienced and keeping indoors for the most part. Although the next day was a bit of a drag, I didn't mind it at all.
Many of the detailed mental thoughts and images I had are very personal to me so I did keep some of my trip out of this "trip report". I'm sorry this report was so damn extensive, but I have been wanting to write down some of the feelings I had for a while now. It's been about a month or so since the trip. I have a very deep respect for life since my "trip". It honestly was a lifechanging experience. I approach every aspect of my life now with a greater amount of respect and understanding than I have ever done in my life before. People in my life, and other things I took for granted on so many occasions before I now treasure. I know it may sound crazy, that this one experience changed my thinking so radically. It is real I tell you. It may be a superficial experience for some, but for me my "trip" bordered on the realm of holy.
I thank you all very much for allowing me to speak my mind. I hope it has been as interesting for you to read as it was for me to recall.