Insanity

5 grams shrooms + (maybe 5 grams) Syrian rue
I haven’t done shrooms in about a year. Actually I gave up all drugs for about 10 months and pursued spirituality in other ways through various meditations etc. But now I have decided to do shrooms one more time – because I have some amazing memories of past experiences.
My friend suggested trying shrooms at night – just staying in bed and letting it take you away. Well, with such a large dose, this seemed to be my best bet, so I followed his advice, taking the shrooms at about 12:30 when my parents were asleep. At 12:45 I was feeling pretty nauseated and went to the basement to smoke a bit of weed to ease the nausea. After this, the shrooms took over very quickly and everything was a blur for the rest of the night.
I felt somewhat closed in. There was not enough space in my room, and I didn’t feel it was safe enough either – my parents were sleeping next door. So I decided to go get some air outside, maybe go for a walk. This was a terrible idea. The setting was far from ideal – cold winter, dark night… I went to a forest near my house, but I was scared of encountering wild animals. Above me huge stars were spinning in the sky. Everything was chaotic. I remember ‘morphing” or “becoming” a friend of mine for a moment. Literally I became him.
I got out of the forest and went to a nearby park (should’ve went home) and that’s when the real tripping started. Huge Van Gough stars are spinning menacingly above my head. Surroundings are a blur. I have no idea where I am. Nausea comes back, and I feel that I have gone insane. In my head a song is playing “Mama we are all terminally sick, Mama I know we have all gone insane.” I am hallucinating big time. Memories of the past – including dreams – have all surfaced up and blended in with reality. My body was no longer a unity. To move my hand took some time. I could feel the impulse going to the hand and only once it reaches, the hand responds. Consciousness is that impulse. Time came to a standstill. I remember holding a steel rail in my teeth and sliding along it. I remember trying to puke but being unable to. Snow and dirt are in my teeth as I try to sick my fingers down my throat. The sensation is terrible. It is taking forever. All this time I am crying for my mom, saying “forgive me ma.” I have gone insane. I remember trying to piss, standing in the middle of the road. It took tremendous effort. A thought comes – “home!” And for a while I run along the road. All the houses look exactly the same to me. I wonder which one is home and whether there even is a home. And finally I recognize it – memories come back of my family, the cat, and the dog. I am so happy.
Well anyway. I don’t want to go into too much detail of what happened after. It turned pleasant afterwards. The hell turned to heaven. I couldn’t stay quiet though… Apparently I woke up my parents. From the sounds I was making, they thought I was having sex. But I have no recollection of what went on during this time. So it was a bit difficult the next morning… Especially because on shrooms you can’t just sit and talk with a person, as you will make that person very uncomfortable. What I learned is what it is to be insane. And also, interestingly enough, I had some health problems prior to the trip – for weeks, little cuts would not heal at all. My whole healing mechanism was not functioning properly. But after the trip, everything healed up in one day. Everything got back to harmony.