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I Was Crazy

This is about the trip I had some 9 months ago.



This is about the trip I had some 9 months ago. Since that I have taken entheogens just once because of the scariness of the trip and I also needed to "clear my head". I don't usually like to write trip reports because they take too much time and I'm too lazy :/ , but I think this is something you might like to know. This is something worse than you can imagine and something you (and I) would never like to experience.

Substance: Dry Psilocybe Semilanceatas about 4.2g (maybe 6.5g of cubensis) that equals to approx. 95 mushrooms. Also took one Anti-nausea pill of Cyclizine that might have something to do with a strength of the experience (???)

Set&Setting: I was in my apartment with my girl friend (she took 2.8 grams with no cyclizine) and with one friend of mine who has to leave for an 1.5 hours just when I was peaking :( It was in the middle of the day and it was light. We planned to go to Magical Nature Center near my place, but I couldn't go anywhere.

Trip:

I made some mushroom tea and we shared it with my girl friend. I felt little restless (scared ?) and I even thought if I am taking too much (BIG MISTAKE!).

Very soon I started to feel the effect and somehow I got scared; I knew everything would go wrong and I couldn't do anything with that thought. Then I started to feel nausea that I feel every time I take shrooms and because of the other problems it made me more disturbed. Later my friend found out that at least some of the nausea was just psychological - I was having a bucket on my lap becuse I thought I might throw up, then I forgot the bucket but when he asked, am I feeling nausea I remembered that I was and took the pucket again.

Soon everything started to move and colors were coming out from everywhere and my room was moving and getting wider, lower, higher, smaller and bigger and there was just too much going on. At that point I was holding my girl friends hand and she wanted to go to bathroom but I didn't let her go, because I needed to catch something from this world. I didn't want to go where I was going and I knew that I couldn't do anything and it made me very scared. I was also telling my friend how important he was to me because instinctively I was trying to hold on something before going.

After a while everything started to look cold and my room which is usually very comfortable started to look dark with white dirty walls - it looked like old hospital room or jail or something. I needed to ask my friend are my eyes open or not because I couldn't tell the difference. I was talking continously without making any sense. At this point my friend needed to go. His "goings" were not that important but somehow he didn't understand that I REALLY needed a person that is not under influence and would talk to me and try to calm me down. I'm still disapointed on him ... I think if somebody promises to be a trip guide he/she should never ever leave without a permission from all the trippers.

I hardly could walk anymore because I couldn't recognize my body and I couldn't see much behind the hallucinations. Somehow I walked to the living room and lied on the floor and my body was turned off...it was sleeping. My girl friend though everything is fine because I looked calm, I didn't talk all the time and I looked like I'd be sleeping. ... but my hell was just to begin ...

I couldn't handle all the information (= hallucinations and thought that were coming from every where). All the time I was seeing these same hallucination about our bus station, monopoly money, pinball game, fractals etc. with other changing visions. I couldn't feel my body and I couldn't open my eyes (I would make no difference though). I didn't really fight against the experience at this point because I was so switched off that I couldn't think anything ... I didn't have enought will-power to do anything with my brain. Ones a while I saw these visions about the mushrooms and they reminded me that I'm tripping but it didn't help me because I didn't think I was going crazy ... I thought I was crazy and there was nothing to do with it anymore. I had visions about doctors and my friend around me that were talking that there is nothing to do with me. They were talking that he will be like that forever. They were talking like they didn't know I can hear them (normally doctor wouldn't say "we can't do anything with you" while patient can hear).

Then I thought about killing myself but I couldn't move and then I "realized" that my experience is FAR more powerful than dying and I thought I wouldn't even know if I died. I was in this hell and though I'll be here for eternity with this same mindblowing information. I was totally, totally, TOTALLY sure that this will never ever end

... after 1.5h being in place that I think hell would be like my girl friend tried to wake me up but I just opened my eyes and saw her for a second and told her that "I will always love her what ever will happen" and then I went back. She opened the porch door and because the winter it was getting very cold inside and I figured out that I can feel coldness. Soon I was back enough to walk but I was still tripping big time and I though that I'll have to go through long psychoterapy before getting normal, but I already believed I'll be normal some day.

For hour or so I was just crying and telling that I'll never take anything again, but I took back my words because I knew I will try again some day.

After an hour my trip was almost over but the afterglow was very strong and I felt very peaceful, calm, happy, lazy and helthy. We went to eat some pizza and the rest of the trip was mild and very nice.

I have had some psychological problems after that (not much anymore) so I quit entheogens for a while but after 3 months I took 2C-B and the trip was nice until I smoked pot (will tell you later about this trip) and then it turned bad also but not even 1/100th of the shroom trip. This might happen because I just broke up with my girlfriend and I wasn't totally stable (we are together again though :) ).

It was pretty long but I hope it was interesting enough to read. All the comment etc. would be really appreciated ... thank you for "listening" !

MRCA Tyroler Gluckspilze
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