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From Terror to Calm
First off, this is my first trip report and my first post ever on this site.
First off, this is my first trip report and my first post ever on this site. I would like to thank everyone on this site for all the knowledge I have picked up.
This trip report is more about my wife's than mine. I can only repeat what she told me so I may not be able to give exact details. This report is going to be long and I apologize for that, but it was such a profound event for both of us. My wife has never tried any drugs and rarely ever drinks. We had taken mushrooms a couple of weeks ago but I had no scale at the time and the dosage was too low. We decided to take them again last night, Saturday March 11th, only this time I had a scale to measure out exact dosages.
Now, I realize I did a couple things wrong this night. The first was measuring out a dosage of 4g for my wife and 5g for myself of powdered mushrooms. I have done mushrooms before and had no problems on a 4g trip. I mixed her 4g in a glass of orange juice and my 5g with a glass of soda. Never mix powdered shrooms with soda! It did not cover the taste well enough and it created a foam on top of the soda and it was too much to drink. In fact, I drank all but the very last bit in the cup so I probably cut my dosage from 5g to about 4g or a little less.
We were both in good spirits and put in a movie while we waited on the living room , I cannot remember the exact time but I think it was 5-6pm. I instructed my wife to tell me as soon as she started noticing feelings or anything "different". We were watching 'Just Friends' on DVD when the trip started full swing. My wife and I were both laughing from time to time due to the movie and due to the good feeling. Then I entered into some kind of deja vu kind of trip that really started to get to me. As I was watching the movie I felt like I had seen it before. There were long scenes that I was positive that I recognized. I was getting caught in this and my wife got got in a fit of laughter. She was laughing, at me, but she couldn't tell me why. She was laughing so much that it actually started to annoy me and bring me further down into a negative spiral. I had to get up and leave the living room. I entered the bathroom and sat on the floor thinking the whole time that not just the movie, but everything that was happening (me retreating to the bathroom, etc..) had happened before. I finally left the bathroom and went back to join my wife on the sofa.. I told her I didn't want to watch a movie anymore and I turned off the DVD.
I asked her to come sit outside on the front porch with me but she said she could not get up and walk at the moment. I had to go sit outside and try to get out of the negative feeling I was in. I feel looking back that turning the movie off and going outside leaving my wife alone was the third mistake. I was not outside very long. I became concerned for my wife and went back inside to check on here. She was still lay on the couch and seemed to be ok. I returned to the bathroom and sat for a while...this is where things went very very wrong.
I heard my wife cough..then I realized she wasn't coughing but making gagging noises. I ran back out to check on her and she was vomiting and convulsing but nothing was coming up. I tried to ask her to come to the bathroom but she pulled away from me. She was completely unaware of what was happening, where she was, who I was, and had no idea what I was saying to her. She finally threw up a little but I was starting to really panic. I could do nothing for her in this moment as she was totally unaware.. I got up and was pacing and the symptoms of mushroom poisoning were flying through my head.. I was scared to death and was on the verge of calling an ambulance. Finally I started calming myself, thinking logically about the situation. I also remember a trip report(s) of something like this happening and what had been done. First I reminded myself that she wasn't poisoned because these mushrooms were grown by me, I had taken them before, and I had taken the same exact mushrooms that she herself had taken and I felt fine (physically). Then I reminded myself that no known cases of direct death from psilocybin mushrooms has ever been reported and it would take a ridiculous amount to die from overdose. Finally, once I got myself out of the panic I spent the rest of my trip trying to bring my wife back to reality.
She got up and was walking but still had no awareness... I said something to her about not panicking. She said something was wrong..something wasn't right... then she kind of fainted. I caught her and laid her on the floor on her back. At least now she wasn't freaking out so much... I just lay next to her on the floor...touching her only once in a while to let her know I was there. Finally she regained awareness and was able to speak with me. I got her to sit on the couch and I cuddled with her telling her it was going to be all right and things like that to try and calm her. She asked what had happened and I explained it to her. She asked why I didn't call an ambulance and I explained to her because I knew she was in no danger physically and explained to her the same points I reminded myself when I was in a panic. She was happy for a moment..then all the bad feelings and trauma that had happened in her life crept up on her. She had abuse in her past and in the present we are currently separated but working things out. She started sobbing, telling me she loved me and I just held her and explained that I understood all the hurt she had been holding inside, that it was ok to cry..that she needed to cry and let it all those feelings come back out and finally release it all. She asked me how I it was I was able to know exactly what she was feeling.
After that she was feeling a little better...I told her to come with me and take a bath; that the warm water would feel good and relax her a little. So we did that.. she was ok and then she'd keep talking about how she wanted it all to end.. she wanted to wake up. I told her she wasn't dreaming and that it would all end in time. I told her not to fight the feeling..she had to try and relax and let time take over. I tried to get her to close her eyes but she would not do it for fear of drifting off. So I just kept talking to her.. asking her to imagine a beautiful place.. I described a setting. This was all hard for me too because my own mind would stop for a minute or so and she'd ask me not to stop talking. I was having visuals of the loofah and asked her to watch it a while. Finally I told her she would feel better if she closed her eye and I convinced her she would not drift away and I would not stop talking. She closed her eyes and I asked her if she could her the sounds outside..a train passing far away..a truck driving down a street.. this activity relaxed her. After being in the bath long enough for her to come down to a manageable level. We got out and went to lie in bed.
She described everything that she had passed through. She was completely in a different place. Many things passed and I don't know if which order but will explain them as best I can from her words. She said while watching the movie she felt as if she was in the movie and that I was the object of some sort of joking around. Also the light on the ceiling was reaching out in rays and she could feel them tickling her. She left to a place where a presence.. a prankster type of presence was poking at her body which she could feel on the inside. This presence told her things about me she didn't want to hear. And it was kind of freaky because a part of what she was told is that I had ********** hidden in a certain spot... it it was true exactly as she described it. Freaky! She said that she felt God speaking to her.. she remember a prayer from way back when she asked God for his presence.. she said he answered her. He told her "here I am" and was showing her things. First he showed her place that made her feel bad not a good place (she cannot describe the places) and afterwords showed her a place that was a good place and she felt a peace like never before. She also explained how memories long forgotten...both good and bad.. returned to her.
We pretty much just kept talking about her experience and she once said that "this is not a drug!"...I think meaning it was a portal to another world...or that it was REAL everything that she had experienced. I asked her how much of the total experience was negative and how much was positive and she said 50/50 but that overall it was positive. However, she said she would never do mushrooms again and I said I was ok with that. She also requested that if I ever take a large dose that she be there with me.. I gladly accepted the offer and explained that at least now she could understand what I experience and it would be something we could share. We made love which she said was the most incredible feeling ever and then went to sleep.
My wife had a definite level 5 trip.. of that I have no doubts! My trip was probably between a level 2 and 3 although I had no time to focus on myself and my experience so it pretty much invalidated my whole trip. I was too concerned for my wife. I learned a lot from this experience and I am so glad to have had the knowledge gained from this site and not freak out and call an ambulance. This morning all was well although the experience has been so profound for my wife that she may carry it with her forever... but she said it would be in a good way.
In closing, never do shrooms alone if it's your first time or your first time with a higher dose. Don't take more than 2g on your first trip and slowly increase it in future trips until you find a level that you enjoy. Also, make sure everyone knows what to do in a panic / bad trip situation... remember that you won't die from the mushrooms. If you are eating wild mushrooms PLEASE make sure you know what you are eating and if you have ANY doubt during a trip on wild mushrooms, call an ambulance! Sorry for such a long report! Peace..
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