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Ego Loss on a Mountain Top

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Well, my most interesting experience took place about six months ago. It is an experience that humbled me and changed my whole life.
A friend had just harvested the first flush of a new strain: The Brazilian "Oracle". I had it all planned out. Me and two "old-soul" friends (Jones and Mercy) were to consume 4 grams each and go for a night hike. (I live in the Appalachian Mtns. NC, USA)
The moon was full and the stars were showing their true colors. We zipped up our jackets and walked upwards along the ridge, all the while, calmly munching on our mushies.
We are all quiet and shady, yet deep and philosophical characters. None of us said a word on the way up the ridge. We each just personally prepared for what we were about to face. This was Jones's first trip. I had spent the past two weeks explaining the physical, psychological, and spiritual effects of psilocybin to him, and after a lot of reading, he was very enthusiastic about trying them.
We reached the tree-line at the top of the hill. Above us, there were thick, mossy, fairy type woods that were illuminated in the moonlight. About 100yds into them, they would open up into a wide open field with one large apple tree in the center that served as the top of this small mountain.
In front of us (still at the tree line to the woods) there were enormous mountains, valleys, and cliffs spread out across the horizon. You could literally see for miles that night. In the east, between to mountain peaks, there was a quiet and distant lightning storm amidst purple, moonlit clouds.
The stars were all in place, all slightly vibrating, eagerly awaiting act one of the show. It was perfect.
We noticed that we hadn't said a word in 20 minutes and we were all just staring into the distance...amazed by our newfound respect for the beauty and awe of nature...the world we live in.
We decided to sit down and wait for the psilocybin to take effect. I noticed how a certain spot, about 15 feet up the hill into the forest, was especially lit up with moon and starlight streaming through a hole in the treetops. It was completely covered in soft, thick moss... yet where the moon-spot stopped, there was no moss. It called to me... It was breathing. I said "come on guys. We have to go over here." The trusted my judgment and followed me. We all laid in a row on our backs on this soft bed of moss, looking up at the moon. We talked for awhile about what we were feeling and if they were actually working yet. Jones didn't know what to expect and he had alot of questions.
Then, all of a sudden, all at once we all three burst into laughter. We all agreed that our stomaches felt as if we were on the first big drop of a roller coater. We all lept to our feet and began walking in circles because we felt the overwhelming need to move around (while still laughing uncontrollably). My trip slowly began to climb. I said "WE HAVE TO GO UP! UP THERE!" (pointing uphill to the opening at the other end of the forest. I began to quickly walk in the chosen direction and my mind was quickly changing...I was disappearing. I kept on turning around in a different direction saying "wait...what was I doing here? What is this? What are we doing? Oh yeah...up the hill, right, right. ... wait I forgot...which way?"
I finally said "Up there!" and took off in that direction before I forgot my mission. But then, I suddenly realized that I had someone else's legs. I tripped and fell. These legs were not near as good as mine...I wonder who has mine?
I laid there pondering this for a moment and then realized I was just lying on the ground in the woods, so I willed myself to get up, and then, BAM! I had entered a completely new realm...new world...a new LIFE. I couldn't remember anything: where I lived, where I was earlier that day, or what I had done to get this way (mushrooms). But it didn't worry me...I didn't know any better. I was just walking around the woods, picking things up and asking "myself" out loud: "Is this good or bad? Should I touch this? Is it good or bad? What is good and evil?" - Things like that... I couldn't stop, but I was genuinely enjoying my new life.
I heard some voices down by the tree line. My heart began to pound. "Who are they? What do they want?"
"Matt! Come on!" they echoed.
"Oh God, how do they know my name? How do they even know that I'm here? Do they see me?" I thought
Suddenly, a warm wave of peace came over me. I calmed down and realized it was jones and mercy. I remembered them now. And the mushroooms... yeah. It's okay.
I breathed deeply and willed myself to move towards their without distractions. We all gathered in the grass at the tree line and decided to all move together, through the woods to the clearing on the other side. That way no one will get lost. (Which was easy to do by this point)
We first sat down to rest for a bit...talking about things we see. I asked Jones if he felt it yet. Just to see what he thought of mushrooms.
He said, "I don't know... I think so... I'm not sure. Wait... well I. .What's going on?"
I replied "welcome to the family man. Just relax and enjoy it."
I took my shoe off to get a rock out of it. It slid off smoothly and easily. I emptied it's contents and tried to put it back on. I couldn't. A force stronger than I resisted. I thought that maybe if I took my sock off, then I could put my shoe back on. It didn't work... As soon as I took my sock off, it grew two new foot holes identical to the first. I tried them all, but none of them worked! I then left my sock and shoe lying there in the grass and followed the guys who were already ahead of me, up the hill, through the forest to the clearing at the top.
Once we got there, we were in awe. This bald, grassy mountain-top was glowing with moonlight. There was a cool breeze blowing over us from some far off, distant world. We were on top of the world. We could see mountains for miles in every direction. 360 degrees. The stars had turned into solid lines with the intensity of the trip. I looked around, and noticed all of the new colors.- Colors I had never seen before. We migrated to the center of the clearing where the apple tree was. There was a large flat rock below it. We sat and rested on it while discussing the vastness of this spirit world that we had all simultaneously entered.
Somebody decided to smoke a bowl. I had no objection, although I couldn't remember why we smoke it...what it does exactly. After much thought, I concluded the marijuana pulls you away from reality...possibly into another reality. At this point I was completely in another reality, so pot must have the opposite effect. It would bring me back to the physical world. So I decided not to try it. After a small eternity (where I had time-loss and ego-loss, along with several life epiphanies that I cannot recall now) they finally figured out how to prepare this ...bowl.
Jones tried to smoke it...but couldn't figure out how. He became frustrated and handed it to me. After a few seconds, I pulled a lighter from my pocket and took a deep breath of THC. I was amazed that I knew how to do this. I had never seen one before... I must have had subconscious memories from another life. Jones and mercy were cheering me on. Excited that I had figured out how to work the thing. I said to Mercy; "What is this anyway?"
"DAMN IT! I wasn't gonna do this!" But I figured that since it hadn't returned me to my physical body yet, it probably wasn't going to. We each managed to get one hit before we decided to dump it out because we thought it was best to return it to the earth.

My trip was still climbing. The more time went on...time? it's an illusion...it isn't real... what is real?
I was on my way to complete ego loss. My soul was frantically searching for a place to settle down. I kept telling the others we needed to go back. I tried to go without them to make them follow, but they wouldn't...and I didn't know the way back anymore anyway. I all of a sudden felt trapped. I understood life itself... I was trapped by eternity, timelessness, and this constant cycle of all life and the universe that I had finally come to understand. Everything was all one in my mind. God IS. He is everything. He existed before creation. He alone. He created everything from himself. We are part of him. We are all part of the same. Good and evil are the same thing...from the same place. Created to give us the choice. We return to him when we die. Begin again. Cycle... HELL. I am in hell. No way out. I could escape..die...but it starts over. Eternity... hell.
I completely disappeared. I was at a point of all-knowing and such basic and uninterrupted understanding of everything. I had to get back. "Back to where? Where did I come from?"
The other's were on their way to my state of mind by then. We all agreed to go back. We walked quickly and quietly back down the hill. I lagged behind... We were all quiet the whole way back. I came to understand more and more the longer I stayed in this reality.
We made it back, and relaxed quietly on the porch. I stood on the opposite side of the porch as the others... I couldn't relate to them. Besides...they were me. We were all one. They don't need me there. They understand.
I heard them talking...Jones was trying to explain what he felt. He had said something about "and endless...cycle. Eternity. No time..."
Mercy said; "It's the hell. We're all stuck there..."
I silently agreed with him. I understood fully.
They decided to go to bed. It was their last hope to escape from this timeless eternity. I sat on the porch thinking about this torture I was facing. No way out. I thought I would be stuck there forever. I told myself "A trip is temporary. It will fade. 8 hours...8 hours..." But there was no time? So what is 8 hours?
I broke down. I felt emotionally and spiritually drained. I had no hope. I was ready to give up. My previous trips had all given me hope for the kind of eternal questions that I had asked my whole life. This was different. It stripped me of all hope. I was convinced that it was truth.
I sat there for hours...watching. Waiting...for something. I just wasn't sure what it was yet.
The whole world before me felt empty. It was so quiet. I couldn't hear a sound. I was the only one left here in the universe for eternity with no way out.
Suddenly, a warmth came over me. Comfort, unconditional love. Just as this happened, the sun revealed it's first light in the valley up ahead. A comforting voice spoke to me. I wasn't afraid. It told me that everything was going to be okay. That I didn't understand everything, but I didn't need to yet. I need to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much. Everything will be okay. I have alot to discover in my journey through life, but I'm safe. Nothing to worry about.
I sat there, with a smile on my face and watched the sunrise. It was as if I had died, been reborn, still with all the infinite knowledge that I had obtained, and I was now watching a beautiful sunrise for the first time with new eyes.

This experience changed my life. It was bad at parts, but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I have taken alot of important things from this trip with me into life. Overall, I say it was a good experience.

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