This last trip I had was one of the craziest trips I have ever had. It was very intense, but at the same time calm and spiritual. At the beginning of the night my friends with me both ate two grams of what I think were Ecuadorian and I ate three. As we were eating the shrooms we were listening to the song the third eye by Tool.
As we were coming on we decided it was best to watch a movie to make the coming on easy and smooth. We were watching Punch Drunk Love and about half way through the shrooms began to kick in. I remember watching the movie, feeling incredibly sorry for the character in the movie because he was so crazy. The guy in it really needed some help and I knew I could help him. I yearned so bad to talk to him so I could help him, but then I realized that it was just a movie, and that the character wasn’t real, he was just made up. This fact amazed me beyond all belief. I found it simply fascinating that humans had actually succeeded in creating other humans by means of technology. My friends and I had a long discussion trying to figure out if the character in the movie really existed or if he was just a figment of out imagination. In the end we decided that he did exist because even figments of our imagination exist.
After this was when it really started to get crazy. I went into my attic to use the bathroom, and it was completely dark. I remember seeing some pretty crazy visuals in the darkness but I felt very afraid. So I turned on the light and when I did I suddenly felt this surge of well being go through me. I thought about it for a while and decided that it was a matter of good and evil. The darkness is evil and the light is good. Now I have no idea how I arrived at this next theory but at the time I remember it seemed so clear to me. I discovered that the shroom was an eternal being that was in fact the devil. But he isn’t any kind of spirit or anything like that; he was simply our conscious thought. All night long I kept saying we that we were in hell, because we were in a world of complete conscious thought. I decided that hell was the conscious thought. And that when you take shrooms you forget about your entire subconscious, and enter a world of complete consciousness, or hell. I knew this was hell because if you were to stay in a place of complete consciousness for eternity you would go completely crazy with boredom.
After this I went back into my room and told my friends what I had just discovered. We then had a long discussion over jut what good and evil was, and how we fit into it all. We figured out evil existed in order to create a choice. That everything in this world exists in opposites, in order for darkness to exist; there must also be light. In order for there to be life, there must also be death. In order for there to be good, there must also be evil. We also talked about just what hell was. I told them what I thought about it being a place of conscious thought that you would get very bored in and therefore be tortured by boredom for eternity and they both agreed with me. So we discussed just how you could possibly live eternally without getting bored and wishing for it to end. And we decided that the only way to do so is to be ignorant of the fact that you were eternal. You couldn’t keep thinking thoughts and being conscious because eventually you would run out of thoughts, and when this happened you would get bored. So we figured that God was our subconscious mind, he knows everything, but he doesn’t know that he knows everything. That is how he survives his eternal life, through us, through life. Because life creates an outward spiral of infinite new experiences required to sustain eternal life. In short, God was perfect.
All throughout the trip we kept discovering things because of these random yet plain signs around us. I kept naming off everyday things we normally pass by and how they supported our conclusions. And every time I would do this, one of my friends, Zac, kept on saying, “The answers lie in obvious places.” We all believed this to be very true and could not figure out why it was so hard for humans to conceive the meaning of their existence. All during this I kept saying how well everything seemed to fit together so well, and Zac kept saying it’s perfect. We decided that everything in this life happens exactly like it's suppose to, because we were created by God, and God is perfect, therefore his creations are perfect as well.
We talked for a long time trying to figure out just what the meaning of all existence was, and I remember at one point I had an epiphany of understanding and I announced that I had found the truth. But I was deeply disappointed when I did. I had searched my entire life for the truth, and when I finally found it I was disappointed because all I found out was that I already knew it. We soon decided that this was because we never truly discover anything we just remember it. We realized that we were part of a higher being that knew everything there was to know, but we had gotten separated from this knowledge. And every time we discovered something, we weren’t actually learning it we were just remembering it. I quickly made the connection with this to God and the devil. I decided that we once were one with God in our mind because he is our subconscious, and humans once just had the subconscious just like all the other animals. But then man ate mushrooms or whatever king of hallucinogen it was and it gave him a new mind. One that knew absolutely nothing of where it was, what it was suppose to do, and what the universe was. So basically we separated ourselves from the mind (God) that knew everything, and we obtained our very own mind, one that knew nothing. But these minds of ours cannot be eternal, for our experiences are very limited and they have an end, whereas God’s experiences are infinite because of what he has created. And like I said before, in order to endeavor eternal life you must have a constant flow of change, a continuous flow of new experiences, which we cannot create on our own.
Later on in the night I began to have some very vivid visuals. Every time I looked at my friends faces they had a third eye in the middle of their eyebrows, and it would always be staring straight into my eyes. I also was seeing the usual shroom colors flowing everywhere, inside of everything. I decided that these colors I was seeing was in fact conscious thought, that we were seeing our thoughts everywhere because we were in hell and hell is made up of just conscious thought. I remember making and analogy of heaven and hell. The place where we were at at the time (my room) was fucking badass. It was full of trippyass posters, crazy mushroom statues and many black lights. It was a place that allowed you to just sit back and trip out intensely. It was a comfortable place where you just relax and think. But that’s all you could do up there, think. And eventually if you stayed up there long enough you would get bored because you would have thought of everything you possibly could have. But you can’t go anywhere else but the room, and there are no new things to happen in the room. Therefore my room represented hell. Then we went outside and I explained that this was heaven. You could look up and the sky was endless and allowed your mind to explore all different kinds of places. It was a very beautiful place, my room didn’t even come close to comparing to natures beauty. Also, the universe allowed for an infinite flow of new experiences to go through, so no matter what, you would never get to the ultimate boredom. Even if what you are doing is boring, at least it’s new and you’ve never done it before. This was heaven. We realized that is was our choice to go to heaven or hell. We could either accept death, accept that our consciousness will end and become one with god once again, or we could refuse to. We could cling to our own mind and live in a limited place that would eventuate in the ultimate boredom which we figured to be doing every thing there was to do and having absolutely nothing to do but wish it would end.
The thing that really confused me was that I had accepted that I was in hell, and that I had consumed the devil himself and was defying God, but while all this was going on I was able to remain calm and enjoy my trip. I still got everything I could out of the trip. The idea of being in hell just never freaked me out like I would think it would. Although at the end of the night I announced that this would be my very last shroom trip. That I had obtained all the information I needed to be content for the rest of my life and that I would never need to take mushrooms again. I even went as far as stripping down all my many mushroom pictures, posters, statue’s, and lamps. The only one I left up was my sublime poster, and I only noticed it after Zac point it out to me saying it would be a remembrance. All the while I was doing this Zac said not a word; he understood exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it.
I was very satisfied with my trip at the end of the night. I had learned all needed to know for the rest of my life. I knew the truth about life and I would be happy with that. But when I woke up in the morning I couldn’t remember what that great truth was. I had recorded our conversations the night before, but all the really good stuff was garbled and I couldn’t understand it. I was pretty aggravated that I couldn’t remember the truths I had discovered that night, and I decided I would have to do shrooms again in order to discover them again. I would like to video tape my next trip, but both me and my friends are very scared to do something like this, we are afraid we might freak out by what we see.
Thank you for reading my trip! I hope you gain form it as much as I have. I appreciate all your comments and thoughts on these discoveries. I would also like to know if anyone had ever experienced anything similar to this. Sorry its so long.