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Comprehension of Inner Reality

I'm a seventeen year old girl and i weigh 135 pounds.



I'm a seventeen year old girl and i weigh 135 pounds. I took an eigth of shrooms at 1:00PM Saturday the 9th of September. I was with my boyfriend and our best friend. Of course the trip started off with amazing visuals and words melting all around the walls. We went outside to smoke a cigg and watch the trees. Our best friend didn't finish his bag completely, and my boyfriend still had a stem. I finished off the bag and my boyfriends stem. The total amount i took was probably a little over an eigth and a half. I took this second dose around 4:00PM.

Nothing was kicking in yet, so we went inside to sit in his room. The visuals started to intensify so i lay down to watch. Words were melting across the walls, and i started to read them, furiously writing them down. I had this epiphany that i couldn't put into words (people i've talked to frequently have these). I started to get really angry because i couldn't figure out how to word it. Now that i look back on it, i realize the point i was trying to make is that in order to obtain any physical results, there has to be a shift of conciousness first. You had to believe in something and it could change your entire reality. I kept writing and writing, i have pages of scribbles. You could see as the pages progress, that my mind started to leave me. "What is the end result of what i'm doing, and why does it even matter to begin with." This is what sparked my thoughts at first. It was the first thing i wrote down (and also probably one of the few that anyone except me could read). Since at the time, i couldn't explain this idea corectly, i started throwing pens around and ripping paper and yelling. My boyfriend said we should go have another cigg.

We went outside and our best friend went to the store and got a drink. I tried smoking my cigg but forgot about it and put it ontop of my notebook (not even thnking that it could burn). This was my last coherent moment. My boyfriend passed out (he hadn't eaten that day). He hit his head and broke his glasses. My friend and my boyfriend both say this was the moment that i snapped. I have vague recolection of anything that happened, but as they tell me what i did, things start to piece together.

We went inside and sat down, trying to get my boyfriend to eat something. He wanted me to eat too (i hadn't eaten anything either), but i spit the bagel out and could barly bring the water to my lips. We went upstairs and he lay down on the bed, while i was rolling around the floor trying to rip my nails off (i don't know why, all i know is today my nails are ripped all around). Reality kept making folds over itself. Space was constricting and every few seconds a new thought would rush through my head and for some reason i kept thinking that my boyfriend and friend were going through something similar. I had a thought that sticks out in my head. It felt like we were all parts of one being, we were all trying to learn the same thing, trying to reach the same goal.

TIme passed and i still hadn't come out of my own world. Thats where i was. I wasn't on earth anymore. They were gone, no one was there anymore. I was alone and i kept feeling my physical body constrict. I found that i was no longer able to breath, but i didn't need too. I guess at some point i pissed in his bed, having no control ormemory of my physical body. My boyfriend called my mother, because i was so drastically tripped out at this moment, he was scared for my life.

She came over, but i didn't recognize her. I remember what she was wearing and for some reason i had this weird expirience that they kept saying something about my name and then they'd talk of drugs and dosage, but the words were all the same, they sounded the same. It felt like i wasn't in my body. I couldn't feel anything as they dragged me off the bed to the stairs. I didn't want to go down so i guess i ran back to the bed. Eventually they dragged me down teh stairs and into the car, where i threw my mother's soda at her, not knowing who or what she was.

My dad helped me in the house. It was about 6:00PM by that time. I was in my room and i lay down. Here i felt god's pressence, in my walls. The walls had life, they pulsated with me and breathed as i struggled. My eyes were open and i stared at my walls, but i really had no idea where i was. My mom and dad were coming in and out, making sure i didn't need to go to the hospitol immidiatly. I left my room. My mind wasn't there anymore. I was one with god for a brief moment. I learned that we are all fo the same force. We are all part of "god's" journey, and all part of eachother. This so called reality is so fake, it can all be manipulated with will. As god created the universe, since he is us, we have the power to create also. I felt god melting away, and i saw my walls melt with it. I opened my eyes and my dad was standing at the door, even though i didn't recognize him, still. He just watched. I realized also that this existance is so restless. We aren't allowed to rest until the day we are one with god again. THe term god is wrong to use, but its the onyl way i can illustrate what this "essence" and existance was.

My mom walked in and gave me water. She threw pants at me and said to change cuz i pissed myself. I still didn't kno where i was or who i was. I lost myself. I put the pants on, not knowing what else to do. I stood up and went to the bathroom. I peed (in the toilet this time) and looked in the mirror. It was an instant shock as suddenly my identity came back and i realized who i was. I didn't remember anything at the time. I only was able to recall anything because of what my friends told me, because it slightly matched up with my insane journey. There was so much more that i can't put into words, the human languages are so flawed. I wasn't able to identify myself until ten oclock at night. My mother told me i sat there with a dumb expression, she said it looked as if i wasn't even there. It felt like i died.

TO try and sum it up. Reality folds over on itself, new surfaces merging every day. I was able to see the folds and the space and the time it tok to shift. Newness is a blessing, and with every fold i saw, i felt the pain associated with teh crease. I don't really kno how to explain it other than that, because as i said, i really can't remeber it other than what i could piece together. AS much as this was a beautiful realization. THe things that i cnanot put into words are terrifying. I saw the inner demons i felt them. Its like my mind was outside and infront of me for my physical body to view, except since my mind wasn't there, i couldn't comprehend it.

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