Hello, i'm a student in a college in the us studying engineering, currently in my first year.
When i was younger i always thought about such mind altering psychedelic drugs, and heard about experiences from friends who did, but there was never such an "urge" to try it, just that i at one point in my life i wanted to experience these feelings and visions that i would never be able to experience without a drug.
I never did any drugs in highschool, I had alcohol, and an active lifestyle, and i never had a real reason to smoke pot, and besides i had my mother who would have disowned me if she ever smelled pot on my clothes. But then, i went to college. I started changing my perspective towards drugs. I realized i was saying drugs were bad, but i didn't really know anything about them to say that. I decided to try pot. Took me 5 times to get high, but the first time i did was truly amazing. After that, pot started to suck for me, i realized it destroyed me ego and i felt intimidated by everyone while high, not to mention the EXTREME paranoia that took over me. But i digress.
So then i started learning more about hallucinogenics. I started listening, and i mean really listening, to the Beatles and other 70's classic rock, and i realized that all my life, especially when i was little (father would play them all the time in the car) i was learning about LSD and "magic mushrooms". I started getting infused in the magical aspect of these drugs, and i started researching them heavily. I learned about the studies on psilocybin in harvard. I even bought a book about it. I made up my mind that i wanted to try them, and my friends wanted to do it with me (3 who had never done it before and 1 who did). So then i set out to find the drugs, which took me a long time till i realized i should just see if anyone in my school sold them, and bam in no time i had a half an ounce of shriveled up little things in front of me. I went out and bought a digital scale, and split it up between 5 people. 4 of them (including me) wanted to do 3/4 of an eighth, and one person (it was his first) wanted to do a full eighth. Now i had read a lot about dosages, but i talked to a lot of people that did a full eighth and they were fine, so i decided to heed the advice to just take a half and go for 3/4. So the next day we all sought to do them ,but i realized, along with my good friend who was also doing it, that i couldn't do it that day cause of shit i had to do the following day, so my 3 other friends did it at around 11am on a school day. 2 of them did 3/4 and 1 guy did the full eighth.
They were fine. They tripped and all had great experiences, and they all came down around 4,5 o'clock. A couple of days later, me and my good friends decided to do it. At 5:30 pm, we gobbled down 3/4's along with bananas oranges and orange juice. I told myself that it was just a drug, and that i will be fine, and if anything i should just understand that it was a drug and what i was feeling wasn't real, and that it will all pass very soon. I promised myself i would believe this.
They tasted fine. I had read so much about how they taste like shit. They didn't taste good, but it wasn't a horrid taste and besides, the banana masked all of it.
I felt like a ticking time bomb. I was so happy at that point, i was sooo excited about this journey that i was about to travel with my good friend. We sat in my room along with a couple of friends who were going to look over us and watched a movie. A half an hour into it, i started noticing the vivid colors of the movie. It was layer cake to be specific and i couldn't help notice how everything was so powerfully green. I then looked at my friend's leg and i noticed that he had this green patten on his leg. I realized that this pattern was everywhere. I wish i could recall it enough to draw it. I was a sort of Aztec pattern with these familiar ancient shapes that covert my wall. my friend's leg and the floor.
Then i got up and told my friend that i wanted to go outside, and experience the world! I did so and we walked outside my dorm. Outside was pretty, beautifully son, good friends and it was just nice. Then i met the kid that sold me the drugs. I felt that he should trip with me, i wanted to share this experience with everyone! Bad idea, i really didn't like this guy and he was a douche bag frankly. So then i broke away from my friends, and i followed the guy to his room, as he said he was going to take some shrooms that he had stashed and trip with me. I followed. I felt attached. I felt leaded, i started loosing sense of self.I became conscious of the attachments i made with people. I couldn't just run away from this person. I had to follow him to his room. I started looking at the world. I felt like a little boy looking at what he sees. It brought back memories of when i was a child, and used to live in europe, but then i realized these weren't memories of europe, but memories of me being a child, and they way i perceived things. I felt like a bridge was created that took me back to when i was a boy, and i realized nothing changed, except the way i saw things.
Then the door opened and i went into the kids room. It smelled. I looked at the kid and he was filthy. I sat down on his bed and started playing with a weed grinder he had. Then another kid came in the room. He was going to trip too. They ate their shares and came and sat next to me. One of them pulled out a joint and they started smoking it. I looked at his joint. I could roll better. He passed it to me. I took a hit, but that was it, i just wanted to be polite. So we sat there
and contemplated what to do.
"What should we do?"
I want to go to my room.
"Sure that sounds like a great idea, we'll chill in your room."
At that point i forgot all about my good friend, who was also tripping. somewhere. we then walked out of "these kids" dorm hall and walked to mine. They ask. "How do you feel man?"
What? Whatever man. i'm good.
Then they stopped in front of this modern art sculpture that was next to our library. "Yo so lets see. What do you think this means?"
What? I don't fucking know. I don't give a fuck about this.
So then we continued walking. I think at this point it started hitting the kids, cause one of the douche bags went, ok guys, be cool, don't freak out.
Then one of the kids saw a friend of his and he walked towards him, with the other kid following him.
I ran. I wanted to get away. I told myself, I'm an adult, i can make my own decisions, if i want to get away from these kids i can. And i did, i ran to my room and went on my bed. 2 mins later the door opens and the douche bags pile in. We sit there in silence for 10 mins. i was on my bed. I starting thinking. But what should i think? What am i doing? Why do i feel pain? Oh, haha i'm not breathing! Ok i guess i have to breathe. Ok. I'm good now. So where was i? Oh, i guess i have to breathe again.
"Hey you should play something"
Umm yeah ok, whatever
"Play some music"
FINE, go over to my computer and click on a song. Then went back on my bed. I sat there, and the song played. And it played. Over and over and over again. Fucking thing was on loop, but don't ask me to changed the music, i was too busy concentrating on breathing. I wanted to sleep
YO guys, i just wannna sleep. (get the hint assholes LEAVE)
I ripped my shirt off and threw it on the floor and tried to sleep. Hahaha yeah right. The kids start talking, the music keeps playing. I WANT THEM TO LEAVE.
Yo guys, please i wanna sleep, please leave, please leave.
fine fine whatever, shit happens (yeah ok shut the fuck up and leave)
So they leave me alone, in my room. I fall back on my back, and start thinking.
What should i do? I mean, the act of doing the shrooms was the activity in itsself, what should i do now that i have done them and i am in the act? WHAT SHOULD I DO?????? Why do i feel pain????? Oh i'm not breathing. Ok i'm good now.... so what should i do??? Am i pissing myse.. ahhh pain, i'm not breathing. Ok i'm good, No i'm not pissing myself. I feel drenched. Wait, so i know what drenched feels like?? AHHH BREATHE. OK i'll go on my computer. I WANT THIS TO END.
I get on aim and talk to my best friend who goes to school on the other side of the country. Then i started loosing myself. My mind started falling into this hole. I lost sense of time. What is going on??? This is never going to end. Wait i'm looking outside, the sun is going down time is moving! AHHH BREATHE.
I tried to tell my friend these beautiful things about life, but i was finding it very difficult as i was loosing my train of thought every time i had to breathe. I then started crying. Well tears came out of my eyes. but how??? How does liquid feel, i don't knowwwww. AHHHhhhh i want to tell you things you see! NO you don't,, ahhi need to breathe, but you see how are you?
Phone rings, its my best friend who i was talking to on aim. HI how are you!!
How is everyone, ahh you see, how is your grifliaefion a HOW is aeverything
are you going to hang up on me? Please don't. I'm crying, but i forget hOW TO BREATHE. I realize there is only one thing in life that cannot cheat us, its time you see!!!! You just have to look outside and you see the sun move, its the only thing you can rely on in life! AHH BREATHE, ok i'm going to go to sleep, bye.
I felt back on my bed. My body stopped as it hit the bed. My mind kept going. I couldn't think. Time was gone. I was stuck in life. I was soo lost. I felt like i was going around a puzzle in my head. But i had to breathe. I had to keep breathing. I kept feeling drenched. But how! I can't feel anything anymore. I couldn't make out sounds anymore. I was soooo lost in my own head. I took my glasses off and put them on the ledge. FUCK THEY DROPPED. I can't see, oh i'm so lost. I'm lost forever. BREATHE, please stop , please end. I cannot see!
At that point my friend came in the room to check on me. I pleaded with him to find my glasses. They're under my bed.
He spent half an hour digging under my bed, with me still on it making no effort to get off, and then he found my glasses.
PLease pleas plesae ase plseapel put them on. i can't
OH THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!! I can see again!!!
I then fell back on my bed and took my glasses off and put them on the ledge.
AHhhhhh what is going on, i can't see anything, i can't hear anything, i'm so lost. Lost lost lost lost lost. WHAT AM GOING TO DO. I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOO.
The fabric of my life came apart. String by string. Friends, classes, work, waking up, doing something, doing nothing, going places. everything, like every little aspect of my life, of a life just came apart, till the last strings, my actually physical senses were pulled away.
This went on for maybe 2 hours or so, when this kid, cool kid, not a good friend but an awesome person who doesn't do drugs opened my door. Hey man you alright?
"you wanna get some pizza man?"
Umm, yeah sure.
I started putting my clothes on. SOOOOO difficult. Its like i was building up my life again. I needed socks to put my shoes on, I needed pants and a shirt. Ok i dressed myself, lets go.
I started learning how to make conversation again. Ok what do i talk about. Umm food? yes food.
I won't get in sooo much great detail here as its sooo hard to explain, but during that time i walked to the pizza place and back to my room, my life was rebuilt. My way.
And i understood. everything. I found the answer to life. I realized why i was here, everything made sense. Friends, family, everything. I thought, wait is this real? and i'd go through this whole logical explanation the chain of events that happened in my life, and yes, it made sense. EVERYYTHING MY SENSE. I had figured it out!
On the way back from the pizza place these amazing thoughts and formulations started racing through my head. I felt there was soo much do! And i had time. I couldn't control time. But i had it. And i could use it to my advtange. I felt that shrooms where created by man to further our knowledge of the world, and i was being rewarded for waiting so long to do drugs. I felt like i was being ushered into this new society, i felt that the world was comprised of these few basic things. And i started looking at the few cop cars. I realized that cops were just this lower level of lesser intelligent people who were jealous of us for having this secret of life. I felt they were dumb and i could play games with them.
I can't relay explain this, i mean, alright have you ever seen donnie darko? and the part where he realizes he control everything in his life, and fix things and that he finally understood what it all meant? I was like that. I had found the answer to life!
Then i found myself in my room. I wanted to sleep, no i wanted to do things. There was soo much to do. I was gonna get my good friends together and tell them about this amazing drug, no this amazing thing we could do. Omg there is so much to tell them (at which point i ripped off my pants and started screaming)
wait. Is that a cop outside my window in the parking lot? Yes YES IT IS. I am going to fuck with him.
I ripped down my blinds and started screaming at him. He came up running to my window.
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. GIVE ME YOUR ID!
Yes sir yes sir, but first can change or do you wanna watch me undressed. faggot
i"M SORRY I'm SORRY i'm SORRY
i Felt like it was a game, i could fuck with this guy, just give me assloads of sorries. These people were dumb just say sorry and they're good. Then two cops start banging on my door
I"M SORRY i'm OPENING THE DOOR. They rush in, grab me and slam my head in the ground and cuff me.
At that point when my head hit the ground and the cuffs went on my arm, i felt the cuffs had entering my arm. I was bleeding. Oh my god i'm bleeding. i was going to bleed to death and loose my arm. I started screaming. Yes it was a fight, i had to scream to save my arm. I'm bleeding oh god i'm bleeding, PLEASE get me an ambulance please . PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET ME AN AMBULANCE. I'M BLEEDING OMG I'M GONNA DIE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. They threw me in the back of a squad car. I NEED AN AMBULANCE PLEASE. OH GOD i'M BLEEDING EVERYWHERE. PLEASEEE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HELP ME SOMEONE HELP MEE PLEASEEEE
The squad car stopped, an ambulance was in front of me, i got in. I stopped screaming. I could control this. Yes i could. But wait. MY arm ! OH GOD MY ARM!
Wait i'm in the ambulance. They'll fix things. Yes they will. Wait, why are you putting oxygen on me. I don't need it! Just fix my arm, please FIX MY ARM.
at that point the cop that arrested me looked at me.
THERE's nothing wrong with your arm. LOOK AT ME if you don't shut up, YOU PIECE OF SHIT if you don't shut up i'm gonna....
Listen, just relax man, what did you take? (he tried to play this good cop bad cop bullshit)
wait, i could tell him. Sir i did marijuana sir, i'm sorry sir, i'm sorry.
AHHH i had to tell him, he kept saying i did acid, I DIDN'T DO ACID why are they lying..
and sirr i did shr oo mms sir. shrooms sir.
"Allright we're going to the hospital"
i sat there and concentrated on the pain. I was cuffed to the stretcher. I could feel the pain. I can control the pain. Yes I can. I felt like i shifted the pain to ever so slightly aaway from my arm.
Then I looked at my arm.
My arm is fine!!!!! Wait, what am i going to do with the pain???
I don't know??? wait i feel like, i'm moving it to my lip, no above it. yes my face, my head yes, no OOOO i don't want to cut up my lip, no i don't to scar my face, wait, i'm fine, its on my forehead yes.
Then one by one the most great and wierd sensations started coming back. my eyes started focusing, i felt my arm strained, i felt my bare feet touch the floor! It was like i was being reunited with my senses. Oh yes thankyou!
Wait, where am i? Can i still control this? i'm on a stretcher in an ambulance. Wait where am i going?? I'm being wheeled into a room. Wait
why is this lady putting that in my arm?
Miss what are you doing?
Just taking your blood son, relax.
Whattt umm what k ,waht umm ok, where am i? I'm in a hospital. My head in bandanged up. Wait threes not wrong in my arm. What is that horrible noise??? WHAT is going on??
Apperantly i happened to be nest to a stroke patient who had the sinuses of a hog and he was squealing like a fucking devil. And at one point he had a stroke and everyone rushed to him and i was so scared. I felt like i was dead. Was i next?
"allright yeah, just take the fdr and you can been here in an hour"
My parents? Yes he's calling my parents. Then my parents show. I'm confused, wait no i'm not.
I know exactly where i am and exactly what i did. oh god wait what. ok
That is when i fully came back to my senses. My mother crying over me, and the cop saying that i will be arrested for assaulting an officer and resisiting arrest. The cops dropped the charges cause the drug test came negative (even weed) and they sent me home. The school kicked me out of housing for the rest of the semester and i lost all trust from my parents. I also have a pretty scar on my forehead.
I"m not going to end this story with drugs are evil and shrooms will fuck up your life. I was very unfortunate that this happened to me, and alot of things were aligned that allowed me to fuck up so bad. I wil however try to end this with some advice. Please, if you're going to do a healthy dose for the first time be with someone, a good friend who is not taking them. Make SURE that he/she will stay with you no matter what. Undersatnd that it is just a drug. I made the mistake to believe what i thought. Realize that your actions carry consequences. If you start having a bad trip try to realize that will end. I was fine in the hospital and fine the next day. It does end! I realize what an amazing time i could have had if i had just channeled all these thoughts into enjoyment and just relaxing. Try not to get worked up. Just let things happen and enjoy them.
I hope my story and bad outcome will teach you something and hopefully prevent this from happening to you.
ps i'm sure there's alot of gramatical/spelling errors but there is no way i'm rereading this. sorry