Well well well i really did it to myself this time, at the mercy of about 15 grams of homegrown Psilocybe cubensis i came out of the tub and lay back on my bed. after about 10 minutes the corners and seams in the ceiling were beginning to flash and wave, stop and then intensify every five minutes,the screams of the children and the barking of the dogs outside of my window were starting to mesh and contort,the sound of the people downstairs running the water was driving me a little crazy as it sounded as if they were in my own place playing out theyre pathetic every day chores. then i walked to the living room and turned on the stereo, kneeling between the speakers i began to absorb the sweet music, i began to not only hear the music, but to actually understand each note and beat , each wailing guitar solo was like hearing the artist cry to me, expressing his pain in a most personal and elementary language, it made waves of pleasure reverberate through me. i stayed here for some time, air guitaring and sweating profusely i would place my hands on my chest and run them down my body, the edges of my palms acting like squeegees creating dry swaths down my torso, then down my legs to my feet where i would squeeze my wet pinky toes with pressure, as if to drain all of the poison out that life had infected me with. then i fell foreward, sweat dripping off of my nose i opened my eyes, colours and patterns were consuming all of my periphial vision, the music was taking on new electric and animalistic properties sounding alien and offensive, i clawed my way up the stand and turned the beast off, dizzy and wet i felt my way to the bed like a drunken blind man, i lay on my back and closed my eyes. about an hour and a half had passed roughly before i hit the bed and now i was peaking to say the least. i had summond the 99 percent of the mind i never used and unabsorbable amounts of mathematical reasoning and philosophy, classical music and spontaneous demented yet somehow functional art raced through me at light speeds, amplifying and accelerating with every passing moment until i finally seen it again, at first it was just another vivid image, a blue digital cloud coming in from the right, then morphing out of the cloud was the blue female entity, the same ghostly creature i had seen on a previous 1500 mg DXM trip i had a few months ago , this time playing the same unforgettable dissapearing act the instant i see her, but not before i nearly black out in exctasatic blinding pleasure, as if the tap to my cranial pleasure tank was left wide open, at this moment, like the DXM experience, the figure vanishes and i am disconnected from reality and transported to the other side. unlike the syrup trip i am somehow still aware of my surroundings, although the thought of me is gone i can slowly hear the sounds around me getting quiet and overtaken by a soft monotone ringing in my ears, then i can no longer feel my heart beating, then my lungs began to fail and i could feel myself gasping for breath, then i could not even tell the difference between inhalation and exhaling and began to panic, all the while i am seeing this being with an infinite amount of tentacles filling my my mind, then i am dead, i can feel and hear nothing, only the visions are there, changing now to an all encompassing series of spirals and to what i can best describe as perpetual growth and momentum, it made perfect sense to me, i was finally there, finally seeing it,the meaning, the ultimate definition to it all, i was dead. i was dead... then i shot straight up in my bed, gasping and sweating, my vision still clouded with spirals and such, i yelled NO, NO NO NO , I JUMPED OUT OF BED AND BEGAN TURNING ON ALL OF THE LIGHTS, CIRCLING THE PLACE SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE SITTING DOWN, I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEEN THIS, I KNOW NOW, I KNOW, WHAT DO I DO, WHAT DO I DO NOW WHERE DO I GO , I PACED THE PLACE AGAIN A HUNDERED TIMES AND SAID I HAVE TO WRITE THIS DOWN, GRABBING A PEN AND PAPER I JOTTED DOWN I WAS DEAD, BUT IT BEGAN TO DISSAPEAR, I WROTE AGAIN AND IT STILL VANISHED BEFORE MY EYES, I SCREAMED OUT, IT DOES NOT WANT ME TO REMEMBER BUT I FUCKIN WILL, IWILL REMEMBER IT ALL FUCK , I STABBED THE NOTEBOOK, I STABBED MY FOOT AND BEGAN WRITING, I WAS DEAD ALL OVER MY BODY, ON THE WALLS, ON THE FLOOR, THEN I THREW THE PEN AND MADE MY WAY TO MY MUSIC COLLECTION, I BEGAN BREAKING CD AFTER CD SAYING HOW YOU GONNA MAKE THIS DISSAPEAR FUCKER THEN BEGAN THROWING MY MOVIE COLLECTION ON THE FLOOR, THEN RAN TO MY DRAWER AND TOOK OUT A HAMMER, I CLAWED THROUGH MY SPEAKERS, THEN INTO MY LEATHER SOFA RIPPING HUGE HOLES IN IT, THEN I BEGAN SMASHING ALL OF THE DISHES IN THE SINK THROWING THE HAMMER INTO THE WALL, I THEN SPRAYED CORN SYRUP AND KETCHUP EVERYWHERE,BENDING UTENCILS AND THROWING POTS AND PANS,THEN MY GROWING CHAMBERS WERE NEXT, DIGGING UP EVERY CASED CAKE AND LAUNCHING EACH HANDFULL OF IT ACROOSS THE ROOM, THEN FINALLY I SNAPPED, GRABBING AN END TABLE, I PICKED IT UP AND HURLED IT THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW AND SCREAMED. NOW THE BAD PART, I RAN OUT OF THE PLACE TRYING TO OPEN DOORS AND RUNNING DOWN THE HALLS, BEFORE LONG I PULLED THE FIRE ALARM AND MADE MY WAY DOWN THE STREET. at this point the phsycotic episode was fading and all of reality as i knew it was coming apart, i collapsed in the snow at the end of the block and curled up in the fetal position, i could hear the firetrucks at the end of the block but had already forgotten what i had done. with closed eyes i began to think about my life, all this time, everything i seen,all that i had acomplished, everyone i had met was my own fabricated illusion, i am this world i see, i created this entire universe we see, i even created all of you, reading trip reports that never were, talking to people and answering myself, fucking girls and making them come at my leisure when i wanted, all the strangeness of atoms and quarks, galaxies and pregnancy, evolution and even death were my own twisted story that i made up as i went along, this comforted me a great deal and i said to myself, it is time to die now, the great creator has run out of material now, this story, this god, will cease to exsist and slowly fade away. as time went on i waited to die, burping and belching salivating and freezing stangely enough, the cold was starting to sober me and i opened my eyes. i waited a thousand years here and am still conscious, why, i will not die then, maybe i am to spend the rest of my life in freezing, unliving eternal hell here. this frightened me somewhat and i stood up, i was so cold and cramped i could hardly stand up, i walked across the street, only in a pair of boxing shorts and began trying to open peoples doors and windows for some warmth, one woman came to the door frightend and said she is going to call the police, this shocked me for my mind was still creating people, i then wandered to the next house and collapsed. the next thing i knew i was in a copcar being questioned about what i had taken this night,i could barely answer and blacked out again, now i was sitting upright in a chair, i opened my eyes and three cops were looking at me, one asked me if i was alright, i responded, ..i was dead.. they all laughed and said we know, you wrote it all over your body. i stayed in the tank on a mat for 11 hours,waking up i realized the horror, writing all over my body, vermeculite and peat moss under my nails, i lived through the trip of a lifetime. consequentally i was evicted and frowned upon, laughed at and mocked, but for all of this i excperienced something only a precious few get to see and feel, temporary enlightentment of the unknown kind. did this single event deter your humble author from ever diving headfirst into the never i call the shroomiverse?, not a chance, i have 12 inoculated jars of rye growing as i write, a closing statement...never trip alone,never panic and never fear death, i will never be the same i know, i am pursuing my highest goals in life since the trip, i realize now how precious this short life is, and i will exit with a quote from the great scott weiland about my life to come... Keep it comin im goin all the way.