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block emotions. i have an amazing new perspective on life.

Well my 3 best friends and I were the first girls in our school to try shrooms.

Well my 3 best friends and I were the first girls in our school to try shrooms. I had been wanting to ever since the summer when this guy Pete told me all about his trip. My friends and I got 1/8 each (there’s four of us) last week and ended up wasting it because we didn’t take enough…because we passed out drunk. Anyways, we bought a little more and I ate less than an eighth, but I’m extremely thin. We ate them right after we made some hash brownies (this ended up taking hours because making the butter took longer than I thought). After I ate the brownies, which tasted like shit, I felt those a half an hour later, but still no tripping. This was around 1AM.

We put on Dodgeball and I tried to just enjoy myself. I felt like something was coming out of my chest. I thought this was due to this stress patch I had put on earlier. As the movie ended and I tried to get to the On Demand menu, I couldn’t move. I felt like a tree had grown out of my chest. I would only feel it for a few seconds though. I felt like I was having surges go through me trying to take me, but I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to go. I wasn’t expecting to feel anything like this. I put on A Cinderella Story (cheesy, I know, but we all wanted to watch something happy).

As I watched the movie, I could feel the tree pulsating on my chest. It looked like I was watching the movie on the top of a hill surrounded by leaves. Back to reality. I hear my friend screaming and bitching at everyone for who knows what. The usual. I realize that I barely even know this girl I spend so much time with. I realize how fake she is, how much she lies to me. I realize that true friendship is rare, and something I definitely don’t have. This is when I start to feel blocks of different emotions.

I felt desolate. I didn’t know these people. I didn’t want to know these people. I walked upstairs to the kitchen with my ‘friend’ to get some water. It felt so wrong. It was so awkward, but only for me. I felt like the feeling I had was in ‘block form’. When I thought of our friendship, I saw a strange block pattern and an aching in my chest where the tree was. We went back to watching the movie. Seeing Hilary Duff imitate someone upset me. I knew she didn’t feel what her character must’ve been going through. The fact that the movie characters didn’t actually exist made me feel another block emotion. By this time the tree had stopped pulsating on me. I had gone with the tree now. I was in a different world. My chest was an open portal where I could sense any emotion and relate it back to a specific block pattern.

At that moment I thought of what exactly life is. I concluded that when a person died, they were reborn into another person’s body. The only things relating this one person with the other were the block emotions. Since my chest was an open portal, I was able to remember all of the patterns of my ‘past life’. I felt so many different emotions and saw all the different patterns. When I saw frustration on the T, I felt very strong frustration. When I saw love, I felt like I was madly in love. It was like I was taking emotions as pills. I no longer heard what was going on in reality. I could only hear the inside of me. I heard my heavy breathing. It sounded as if I was stuck in a large animal. That’s exactly what it was. The shrooms let me see my soul, my personality. I was stuck in this strange body and I felt foreign. If I was going to die, I wanted it to be now. I looked around the dark room and saw ‘death’s’ eyes. No, I wasn’t ready. I looked over at everyone. All of a sudden I saw a skeleton laying where my friend originally was. This scared me too much. I turned away. I thought more about the blocks of emotions and finally fell asleep at 7AM.

Overall, last night was pretty fun. I don’t want to even think of talking to anyone about this though. Everyone seems so fake. This trip made me appreciate my life more. I know I don’t want to die, so I should enjoy what I have. I need to make the best of all of this. I have a new appreciation for myself. I have a good life.

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