Bad Trip

It was the 5th or 6th time I've taken mushrooms. Earlier that day two of my friends had convinced me to go stay the night with the where they go to college and skip my classes the next day to hang out with them. I agreed and hung out with them and got pretty drunk with some of their friends where they live. About a 30-pack later the three of us were off again to another one of their friends house. When we arrived, the three of us, they had made a call about some weed they were trying to get-and in all of our surprises-all the guy had was shrooms. It was 12 a.m. on a Sunday night in a huge college town and we all thought-why not? So we were off the to ATM to get ourselves some money for our new fun.

When we all regrouped at the apartment it was time to divide the bag up between the 9 of us. It was my two girl friends since kindergarten, and about 6 guys that I met the for the first time about 1/2 an hour before that. I ate about 2/3 of an eighth on a PB & J sandwich-which I had never tried before b/c the other times were chocolate. It didn't taste so nasty since I was had been drunk, and stoned, for quite some time and had the munchies so it almost tasted good.

At first I regretted taking them since all we wanted to do was pass out from drinking. We were laying down, we were tired. About 15 minutes passed and we started to joke around a little, got up, and I started to move about the room, I no longer wanted to stay still or lay down, I wanted to move. About 1/2 an hour passed now and I started to feel really giggly, and time was moving very slowly now. I kept looking at the clock and it was would be only 2 minutes when it seemed like 10. I walked outside and a kid they called, "Puke" was out there (also trippin') he was looking out onto the highway and saw an object and asked me what it was. I looked very closely and concentrated very hard, since I could not distinguish what it was. More people walked outside, unable to stay trapped within the small room any longer. When the came out I would ask them, "What the hell is that thing?!" Finally some one came up with the answer, it was a street light with a burnt out bulb-very strange looking, almost U.F.O. before my friend pointed out what it was then it was easy to say, "Oh yeah THATS what it is!"

We sat, smoked cigarettes, looked about us from the back of the 1st floor apartment. It had a big grass field in the back yard, and the visuals started to kick in, and I could tell they were on everyone else too b/c some one said, "Look at the grass, it looks like its swaying." And I could see it before they mentioned it. I felt for wind since it was swaying so hard, but there was none. The shadows on the grass were swaying like an ocean and I knew right then I started to trip, it had been about an hour. Any other time I have tripped I have enjoyed the outside walking part of the trip, new environment, but knowing there’s somewhere close to go to when I was ready. So I suggested taking a walk and everyone agreed to that.

We were walking and we came to a gas station. We stopped and talked to some people they knew, actually I didn't do much talking I was just enjoying the trip-it had been a while since my last so I was very excited about this one. A couple people I met earlier that night that I was drinking with came on bikes and followed us on our walk. We didn't have any exact location, but for some reason I thought we were walking to my friends apartment which was about 1/4 a mile away from the apartment we started at. We had not gotten very far, b/c we kept stopping to talk, look around, laugh, or whatever. For some reason I started to feel very sick. My stomach felt like it was twisting in knots and I was getting very hot. My fears were that I thought it was all because of the shrooms I took. I told my friend my fear and actually said, "I think I need to go to the hospital." No one wants to hear that shit when they are trippin' and I just thought that something was seriously wrong and that I needed to go to the hospital and make this all stop, make it all go away-and little did I know that it wasn't even the worst part of the trip. I heard someone say that one of the guys puked, and that freaked me out more, since I've never been with someone whose puked before off shrooms, and I thought for sure this was because the shrooms were the bad ones, the ones you hear about getting that kill ya with the poison in them(not that psychedelic ones don't!)-so you better know your shit.

I took my jacket off b/c I was hot and gave it to my other friend to hold. One of the guys said, "She’s just trippin' balls and she'll be fine." This helped me to calm down a little, just enough to help me finish my way to my friends apartment. Although it was around 2 a.m. on a Sunday and we had some people yelling at us, no it was screaming at us. And I still don't know why, maybe b/c some guys were fucking around throwing some shit being loud, I don't know but it was some crazy shit having people scream at ya with all kinds of chaos going on when you have NO CLUE why. When we got there some people sat down in the grass by a fence that I stood against while some went inside. I leaned against the fence for a while, pondered some thoughts and for some reason just fell back into the grass. I don't know if that was planed or what, but it happened. Some people laughed and continued on with whatever they were talking about. I felt the cold grass in my hands and kept running my hands through it, it helped me calm down again since my thought were running away from me again, going a hundred mile a minute. I think I freaked everyone out, so they didn't really care to talk to me-haha. Everyone got up one by one and left me there. And when we got to the apartment I felt like out journey was complete and everyone was parting off, going home, done for the night. But none too soon did I discover that when I got up, entered into my friends apartment there was life. Everyone was inside chillin' groovin' whatever there fancy was.

It was hard for me to keep any excitement inside of me, I was all over there place I would run into my friends bedroom where she was laying with one of the guys talking and babble something about, "Theres something about you." and run out as soon as I came and probably babble some more shit to some one else in the other rooms. I don't really remember much of this, but my friends told me later-believe me! I don't know why or what but everyone was ready to go back to the other apartment where we started at and I did NOT want to go, even though EVERYONE was leaving (including my friends) I could not do it, I don't know why. I just thought if I step out that door I might not ever come back again. My very good friend was getting upset at this point. All the guys left except one that was waiting for my two friends. She told me to SNAP BACK TO REALITY. But it was far too late, I had no clue what was reality and what was drug altered thoughts. She looked like the devil, and I think I just didn't want to go with them b/c she scared me, she was pissed and pushed me once. I told them I would be O.K. and they should just go without me. But in all their frantic hysteria of being concerned of leaving me alone they were saying things to each other. And every thing they said to me made no sense. They would say, "Put on your shoes and lets go." but I heard something like we gotta take her to the hospital shes not Ok, and remarks to my breast reduction surgery (which I got last year and I know that they wouldn't have been talking about that) They eventually left me-alone-having a bad trip-scared-and not quite sure what the fuck was going on anymore.

I kept having this urge that I was dying and death WAS coming. I could not think logically. I kept thinking is there a god, there can't be, how are we here, were not here, none of this world can be. My throat hurt and felt as if it were going to cave in. So I leaned over the sink for a while and drank cold water out of my hand and ran it over my face. I didn't really like the feeling of water on my body, but I did like the coldness. The lights kept were turned off most of the time, but everyone once in a while I would turn them on when I walked into another room, but turned it off again when I would lean over the sink-since that is where I spent most of my trip. I didn't know how the lights were turning off and on, but I did realize it the next day, I was doing it out of kinda of habit-turn a light on when you get into a room, turn it off when you leave it-and that was going on without any knowledge of me knowing it. I would look at the clock and think that time is actually standing still, I would look at the clock at least a thousand times that night and it always said the same time-which was probably 3:30 at this point. I then thought is this death? am I dead now? Am I here, this is it I'm trapped in this apartment forever-dead. No one was there to make me believe other wise.

I would look up from the sink after taking a drink out of my hand and see the shadows in the room. It looked like people I knew from my home town(since I'm about an hour away from there) were sitting in the chairs. I thought I was crazy, but eventually gave in and would say there names just to see if I would get a response, and I would wait and there would be nothing. I did this a bunch of times-what'd an idiot I am! I would peek my head out the door so often that I just finally left it open, and there was nothing outside, no movement, no nobody-so once again I thought this has to be purgatory or wherever it is that you go to before you go to heaven or hell. Also while all this was happening I could hear this noise the whole times as if the world were ending kinda high pitched noise. I can't describe it but in the song by PHISH on Farmhouse "The Inlaw Josie Wales" at the VERY end is very similar the noise I heard. Its very Erie to listen to now.

I walked into my friends room mates room just because it was a closed door, and I seen someone was in the bed and it looked like one of my other friends so I woke them up calling their name, but my friends room mate woke up-probably not too happy, but I couldn’t tell- and said no there not here. I felt bad that I woke her up.

Then I was almost sure that none of that night had happened and I was in my house, b/c I could smell my house-my parents smoke and I could get strong whiffs of it. I then called for my mom since I was sure she was behind me, but she obviously was not there to answer. I felt as if I was actually in different places (such as a classroom of the class I would skip the next morning) but all I could see is where I was at and could catch glimpses of class mates and the teacher looking at me weird. I also looked at myself in the mirror, and I know you're not suppose to, but I caught myself starring at myself and hated what I saw. I was freaky looking and my face looked as if it were melting and when I touched it felt as if it were melting. I did not want to touch my face but couldn't help it I still had to make sure that I was there. I would get to the point where I thought it would all stop-death- if I just closed my eyes and let go, but then at the last second that I thought I had I would open my eyes and wouldn't let it get me. Finally around 4:30 I started to get some logic back, I could remember when my stuff was-I was looking for my phone all night so I could call my friends to see where they were at(but really I was thinking if someone picks up there phone I can't be dead)-I had no clue. I found my shit and I was actually gonna head home since I just wanted to be in my bed at my home. I grabbed all my stuff ready to go! ready to drive an hour home! But when I looked outside I could not find my car, it was no where to be found, I eventually remembered I hadn't drove.

I called one of my friends in my home town. As the phone rang I was very nervous of what to expect-a voice, a constant ringing, a beep-beep-beep we're sorry we cannot connect your call the to living, ect... I got her voice mail, and left her a message saying something along the lines of making sure I was still alive and wanted someone to confirm it. Next I called my friend that I was trippin' with earlier and was shocked when she answered. It was ok then, I knew everyone would be all right b/c I was not dead- the bad trip was over. She asked me where I was, what I was doing, and if I was ok yet. I asked her where she was at and I was going to go to wherever she was. She was shocked I wanted to WALK to where she was at. Then she asked me if I was Ok again(I'm kinda a lazy person sometimes-lol!) So I did I started on the walk back to where the trip had started.

I decided I was not done talking to people and called up another friend back from home. They picked up and we had a talk to whole 15 minutes it took me to walk back to the apartment. On my walk I pulled out a cigarette, and god I knew that cigarette would taste sooo good since I hadn't had one in forever it seemed like. I learned that I had NO lighter and just held it in my hand the whole walk-I might have even taken a drag or two on accident. I also saw a lot of cops which made me wonder if they decided to stop me and talk to me and for some reason made me blow would I actually blow any thing? I mean I hadn't felt drunk since I started trippin' it just cancels it out. But anyway I made it to the apartment and burst in and seen all the people I had tripped with earlier. They were still awake and sitting around talking, watching T.V.-having a GOOD trip-haha! I asked where my friend was and asked for a lighter, but didn't get one at that second. I found my friend and we talked and she apologized for being a bitch and pushing me earlier (now why couldn't she have done that EARLIER! haha) I went into the big room and seen that everyone had cigarettes, but no one had them lit. We all laughed at this since when I walked in that’s the way it was too. We left at about 5:30 a.m. and went back to my friends apartment to go to bed. I think going to bed after trippin’ is the hardest part since all you can do is sit there and think about what all just happened to you and your mind. And you don’t really feel like sleeping b/c your mind just wants to keep thinking and thinking, not ready to rest.

I didn’t really describe any visuals, but every thing I looked at, and I mean everything looked like it was melting, and I’ve never had that intense of a trip before, these shrooms were better than the ones I’ve ever gotten back home, and I wasn’t prepared for that. Now at the time and even after wards I didn’t call it a bad trip, but the friend I called on the phone she was telling me about our conversation later and she said she was talking to her boyfriend about it and he said that I had a "Bad Trip." Yes by definition it was a bad trip, but I think it was one of the best trips I’ve had, I don’t really know how to explain why, but it had its ups and downs, and I guess that’s why its such an amazing experience.