all in a night

a couple of weeks ago psilocybe mushrooms tried me for the first time. i was spending the night at a friend's house and around 11:45 decided to eat the eighth oz of mushrooms i had purchaced from a good friend. now i had droped acid in low doses so i thought that i knew what to expect. i was wrong.

about 30-40 min later i could feel the mushrooms creeping up on me. i sat sort of huddled on a step and started to breath heavier when i saw that the hallucinations i was seeing in the first hour of my journey were close to those i had seen peaking on acid.

we went outside into some bitter cold so my friends (jay and his girlfriend) could smoke some bud and the visuals took off. floating in the air everywhere were these mad celtic knots which kept shifting and snakeing and re-knoting themselves. we were not outside very long and soon i found myself back in the mill watching ravi shankar music drift accross the room. arround this point i started to peak for the first time. really the only part i remember from then besides very intense visuals is seeing jay's face melt into that mask the kids wore at school in pink floyd's 'the wall' movie.

later they had to go to sleep for work so they pulled out a sleeper sofa and laid down. i was walking arround sort of mumbling to myself and trying to stay away from his dog comet who i was convinced was trying to rape me. then i rembered what terrence mceana had written about tripping. he said that the most amazing way to trip was to be alone in a dark totally quiet room where the mushrooms would act as an enzyme to fold your mind out before you. so i laid down and pulled a blanket over my head.

at this point the mushrooms took my mind, ego, and entire way of perceiving the world (which were aparently made of porclin) and in one fail swoop smashed it into a fine powder which they scattered into the wind. i mean everything my ego my personality everything totally gone. i was shown a picture of the vast river which is our universe and in reaching out and touching it the face of god i had (momentarily) achived nirvana. i was so exrtiemly happy i laughed and laughed and laughed! floating out seeing etirnity and out universe spread out before my eyes i dared to ask a question. what is your name? i asked my invisible mushroom teacher. he responded telling me his name and that he was a dragon. i thanked him a million times and thought how wonderful it would be to see my friends again and to laugh and cry and hug them to spread the love that filled the hole where my ego once was. and how amazeing i thought! how amazeing that i have a name! and a personality somewhere, but i could not remember it. thinking that it must near be dawn i weasled my out from the covers and looked at the clock, 3:29.

i could feel my inteastines being squeazed as though they were being wrung out. i felt sick. i laid there for a long time feeling sicker and falling deeper into a hole of fear and self doubt . i could not even rember how to speak english, the only thoughts that kept going through my mind were 'jesuzz csherist' 'aw shit' and 'now you've done it you thought you could handel it but now look, your fucked.' that last one did seem to come from somewhere else though. i went into the bathroom and tried to make myself vomit to stop this horrible maddness and i thought it would never stop and i would be like this forever.

seven times i stuck my finger down my throat trying to induce vomiting but to no avail as i had not eaten anything except the mushrooms for a while. went over to the sink and my face looked very old and tired. i splashed water on my face and exited leaving the light on as it added some comfort. i sat down and began to munch on a banana. little by little i felt myself going back to normal. another wave of happieness splashed over me. my teachers had not abandoned me into the abyss but had mearly tought me a very hard lesson.

it was dawn and somewhere there was a rooster crowing. i laid down and as i did so jay looked up at me and asked if i had slept at all. i smiled and said no, then asked, "would you believe that in one night i touched the face of god and wrestled my consiousness back from abandon?"