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Muppets Retarded

Last friday, on a whim, myself and a friend decided to eat some mushrooms he had just picked up.



Last friday, on a whim, myself and a friend decided to eat some mushrooms he had just picked up. As usual, he had purchased a large amount, and there was about a quarter oune extra, the perfect amount for two. Having been short on money, all I had eaten that day was a peanutbutter granola bar, and a can of peas. (I was also kind of short on motivation, I could have cooked all manner of things in my kitchen) Anyways, around seven o' clock we went to the movie store and picked up 'Muppets in Space', which we had been intending to watch forever. We also went to the grocery store where C bought a big frozen chicken pot rectangle pie. Now we were ready.
We arrivied at his house, and began cooking his pot pie, and waited, while smoking some poo out of his strange glass bubbler that's always reminded me of arachnophobia. After not too long the pot pie was done, and it looked shitty, so I passed on it, and C ate the majority of it.
After fumbling around in his kitchen, I found some salteen crackers to eat my shrooms with, and we began the worst part of the process, choking them nasty shits down. C just popped his all in his mouth and swallowed them, while I slowly swallowed mine. It took me about ten minutes to eat the majority, and by the time I was getting close, I felt them my stomach getting a little queasy, so I left the last little bit for next time. I was pretty sure I was gonna be sick later, but that quickly faded off into the distance as the trip kicked in.
Looking back, and examining the leftovers, I'd have to say these were some damned fresh shrooms, still soft and spungy, no blue shit on them. Definately the hardest I've tripped off an eighth before.
First off, we watched news radio, the episode where Mr. James goes to jail, and things were starting to pick up. Super gnarly visuals and a pretty heavy body buzz swirled around me. I'd never seen people on the TV leave trails before, which I thought was pretty crazy. My field of vision started to narrow a little, and everything had these little swirling rainbow patterns on them. Kind of little swirling psychedelic cesspools or something.
After News radio, we popped in the Props EuroScene2000 bike video, which I had yet to see, and was super excited, it was pretty cool, but I wasn't really paying attention to the TV, just the grooving room.
Then it was time, C was like "what do you think Muppets in Space is gonna be like?" I thought about it for a minute.
"Muppets fucking retarded dude."
"Yeah, lets watch it." And so we did.
Man was that shit ever fucking funny, I could hardly handle it. There is this part when Gonzo's cereal spelled out a message to him, and I started to think about how if someone could just implant messages in my brain from another dimension, I'd go crazy, but it wouldn't be so bad to be crazy, I'd just have to make sure I never got too worked up. Then C kind of broke my train of thought,
"I got to piss man," he said to me. "Will you pause the shit for me." I managed to say yes, and sat up to pause the VCR which was at my feet. Him getting up to piss all of the sudden made me remeber that I had got up to piss twice already, but I didn't really remember til then. While I was watching the paused screen it changed into different things, then these real faint messages started appearing. I was dumbfounded, where were they coming from? I knew they were important, but I couldn't make them out, and I started to get a little desperate, then C came back and restarted the movie, and they were gone.
Then it hit me, like a fucking sack of potatos, I knew it. We are all fucking computers! Machines working out this big crazy equation. The world, the universe, time and space, were all this artificial enviroment that we 'operated' in. The laws of physics and all that shit were just the rules of the equation. But what was the equation? And who the fuck was looking for the answer? Some other being, or creator, but not god. Just another normal guy, searching for answers just like us. It made perfect sense.
I thought humans, and what they do. They solve problems. Everythng is a problem, how to survive, how to get from point A to point B. And how do we solve problems, we create machines to do it for us. Motors, heaters, calculators, COMPUTERS!
I had it figured out, almost. The only thing I couldn't account for was me, and then it happened. C mentioned how one of the muppets looked just like Andy Dick, and I lost it. Everything from the earlier part of the night just forced it's way back into my conicousness, things from the past started happening again, just superimposed on what was happening at the time. I had a glitch in my system, I was broken, and someone was trying to fix me. I was stuck in this time loop because that was where the problem occured. Whoever was fixing me, was just adjusting me, and re-running my program, checking to see if they got it right.
It made perfect sense, I was in safe mode, just like in windows, some of my drivers were shut down, that's why I was having so much trouble interpreting my enviroment. How did I get in safe mode though....The mushrooms. That revelation really wierded me out. Was it a coincidence that I ate those mushrooms, or did my creator influence me to do it, so I would enter safe mode so he could fix me?
It got to be too much, the equation just kept running through my head, faster and faster, all the while I just kept loosing my grasp on reality more and more. Then it came.
"Dude, I'm getting really fucking hot." I blurted out, breaking out in a heavy sweat. "I think I'm gonna be sick....yeah I'm gonna puke." And I sat up to go outside, and up it came. I covered my mouth for like a second, and C grabbed his waist bucket, and out it came in the most violent retched puke, and I lost myself. Everything that ever happened to me all swirled around inside the bucket. My eyes were open, but there was no 'here'. Just all these memories and experiences pounding my senses. It was like a total overview of my brain. Then things started to come into focus, the bucket, the crazy noises were me, puking my guts out. I thought I was dying, I couldn't breath, I just gasped and dry heaved, and then it was over. I started to remember my name, and where I was, and C was patting my back. I told him he had to get the fuck away from me cuz he was emitting too much heat, so he went to open the window. His window is broke, so he had to go outside and open it. When he came back in and shut the door, it swirled all the different temperatures of air around. I could feel them so definately, I could almost see them. Over the next half hour we just talked, while I slowly figured out what the hell was going on. Then I was pretty much back to normal tripping. I was still really fucked up, but stable and like usual. C told me four hours had passed, and I couldn't believe it. Seconds and eternity is what it seemed like.
It was a really intense experience, unlike anything I have even remotley experienced before. Even though I've went into some detail about it, I'll never be able to totally convey what went on in my head during it. It was so much more than that, but there aren't words for it.
I'm still pretty convinced we're all computers, but I still have a lot of questions, even more than I had when I started, but I guess that's that. All I know is I'll never see the brain in the same light again.
I can't wait to trip again and see what happens, it will definately be a smaller dose though.

Fairy Ring Spores
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