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Azarius
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the revelation

It started late one night.



It started late one night. probably around 12? but we all decided that we would like to trip. i decided for myself that i wanted to trip harder than ive ever tripped. i was up at college at the time, and we sat around the dorm room watchin spaceghost smokin blunts. One of my friends explained that there was a phish show goin on in dc at the time, so we made the trip there.

as it turned out, there were plenty of mushrooms, you just had to ask the right people. We got a huge amount of mushrooms, i dont remember how much or wat the people looked like, but we ate them right there on the spot. i think i had a little over a quarter of an ounce, which was wat i paid for. i chewed them up nice. that was a mistake.

the trip started to hit me hard on the way home. we were on the metro goin back to college park, md, wen all of a sudden i started to shiver, and sweat profusely. i noticed that one of my friend's eyes started to grow dark black rings around them and he was turning a pale green. i thought i was gonna puke on this huge black woman sitting next to me. now i was worried, i think i started humming to myself, i dont know why, but she got up and left, which was excellent. my friends were not doing too well either. this train ride was almost unbearable, so i got up and walked around the car a little. about half an hour into the trip i saw the most disturbing thing ive ever seen in my life. i saw a midget that was half reptile just staring at my every move. it freaked me out pretty bad. it was like that scene in jacob's ladder. i went back to my seat and shut my eyes, while my friend with the dark cicles kept reading a note he wrote to himself before we ate the mushrooms. So the next 15 mins consisted of me with my eyes closed (great fuckin visuals), and a chanting of "the world is good, everything is ok" behind me. needless to say i calmed down a great deal.

it is here i should say we all had mushrooms from different dealers, but as far as i know we all ate the same amount because we all spent the same amount of money. I dont remember walkin home at all, but just appearing in front of my dorm. none of us could open the door with a key, so we waited until someone opened it and tailgaited in. while in the lobby, waiting for an elevator, one of my friends said something like "we are a little, ooooo" now i dint understand wat this meant but we all joined in an unstoppable giggling fit which lasted for hours. i noticed people watching us, but i cant remember how or if i reacted to them. in the elevator, i fell on the floor laughing while this one kid, who seemed very scared of the four of us cornered himself in the back. i remember all of us running to my room, which was on a different floor since we got of on the wrong one. it took a good 5 mins to open the door. but wen we got in, thats wen i lost my coherence.

i looked into a mirror, which i did for god knows how long. i totally hypnotized myself. while staring deep into my eyes, i saw my inner being. i saw that every part of me that i thought i was, was just a manifestation of the world around me. i talked with a boy named Kyle inside of me. he said that he was me and i was him, and i totally understood. i understood it all right there. we walked through my life, and talked. he showed me things that id seen before, but dint understand the hidden meanings of at the time. then he introduced me to my guardians. one was a small man, i think he looked kind of japanese, and he had one of those wide round pointy hats on, and he was so short i could not see his face. Kyle said that these guardians were created by me, to help me through rough times in my life. i saw a huge warrior type thing with a sword. he seemed to be some kind of fish, but i dont know, he dint even look at me he just walked by really quickly. The whole space around me was dark, but i could see small shaodws of wat seemed like buildings and trees. it felt like i was a giant, maybe 200 feet tall, lookin down at wat seemed like my neighboorhood as a kid. suddenly i merged with the universe. there is no other explanation for it. i felt myself spread out into infinty, and become one with a great being. i felt as if i could know everything if i just asked myself the question for which i wanted to know the answer to. it seemed like a huge equation or a huge clockwork machine we were in, all doing our part to balance this one equation. by living we were balancing the scale of something so great i cannot put it into words. i was so suprememly touched by this. i could feel the presence of beings around me, people i knew, who had died. and they dint manifest themselves as humans, but as the feelings of these people i had when they were around me at the time. i felt so good, like i was in a room full of old friends. there is much more to say about this experience, but i feel it would be like giving away a great secret, or spoiling a surprise party, so u must eat alot of mushrooms on your own and look deep into yourself.

but anyway, thats not it. i "woke up" staring into my eyes and i heard that music from the first super mario brothers, the part in the vanilla dome. i was so stunned by my experience i sat down on my bed and just stared at the tv screen. it felt as if i could see through my friends, and into the core of wat they really were. this is where my trip started to turn sour. i remember looking at my one friendfor a few mintues and wen he turned to meet my eyes, his black circles had grown to cover his whole face, and his eyes were sick! this is wat i saw: they were like two small people crying for help as if drowning in a very deep and dark blackness. i was so shocked i turned away. i dont understand it because wen hes sober hes the coolest s.o.b. but anyway i kinda zoned out staring at the wall, which was telling me important things, and the next thing i knew we were all watching tv. david letterman was on, i dont know how or why, but it was that show with that little kid who was in stuart little. i could not understand a word this kid was sayin, and letterman kept makin fun of his accent. we were all rolling around on the ground laughing like hell. i seriously thought i might pass out from lack of oxygen. i bumped my head a bunch of times on the top bunk laughing and the last one was really bad. i hit my head laughing, and saw stars, i saw stars for a while, i thought i went blind. wen i was normal again, still trippin hard tho, my friends were tryin to roll this blunt. they told me it was impossible, so i was like let me do it! as i tried to roll it, it seemed to move and writhe in my hands, as if in pain that i split it open. i felt so evil. i put it down and we smoked bowls instead.

next thing i remember we were on this lawn, which just happened to be the president of the school's lawn. we were smokin again, and i was gettin carzy visuals. all i could hear is laughing, a very strange sort of laughin, that sounded like primitive moneky laughing. i looked around for a source of this laughing, and it was my friends. this was so weird, they dint seem to be speakin english, but grunting and nodding to teach other. i was like wat the fuck is going on? thats wen it happened... this cop pulls up to the entrance of this guy's driveway, and we were like 50 yards away trippin like crazy and smokin bowls on the presidents lawn. i almost shit in my pants. i could see the cop, and understood wat he stood for, and wat his purpose was, but i could not see that he was pulling someone over at the time. wat seemed like an hour went by, and the president of the school walks out of his house and stares at the cop. i kept tellin my self i was invisible, because 1. i could not see my friends,
2. i could not see myself
3. the cop and the president did not see me....yet
i laid down on the ground and stared at the sky not caring anymore about wat happened to me. i felt so peaceful and wonderful. i looked at the sky and saw the stars dancing around, as if just for me, and i realized that people thousands of years ago were lookin at the same shit. and i could feel their wonder and awe, similar to wat i felt now, but more of it. i could tap deeply into myself and summon up an idea someone had 3 thousand years ago. this was strange, but for some reason i totally accepted my ability to do this. it was a beautiful thing, and i felt as if we were all connected, or were connected by this psychic bridge, that died off long ago , with the develpoment of language. i did not feel it, i saw it happen, as if some ancient historian were tellin me the events. i was shown how language was really a disease, that spread through the advent of commercialization, since it was needed for records of things done. it all made perfect sense, and to this day i believe its true. then i saw this weird metaphorical scene in my head. it was like this eye being poked out, and then i regained coherence and walked home, without my friends. i had no idea where i was or wat happened to them. but after a while of wandering around i made it back and fell asleep.

the next day they told me i was acting totally weird. like i was in a different world, i dint speak, or respond to anything, they said i was just staring into space, but they said they could kinda feel wat i was going through, and they understood. this trip has changed my life completely, and i think it has made me a better person. tell me wat u think......
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