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Loss of Existence

here's how it goes.



here's how it goes...
I live up in northwestern canada in a town of approximately 30 k people, it's called whitehorse...

it was a typical friday night during the summer months up here in the cold north, about 20 degrees celsius outside and not a bad day at all. The time was about 7 pm and the sun was at its mid point during daylight hours. Sitting at home one day on my computer very bored a friend calls me up. Initially and very promply asking if I want to go shrooming that night. At the beginning of the conversation I was very skeptical about doing them because I didn tknow what to expect, ive never done em before. I quickyl said sure, and luckily I was paid that very same day(working as a gas jockey). I decided to invest some money into doing mushrooms and experiencing what the call "trippin". I had always assumed that trippin would be just an intense marijuana type high with visuals. Boy was that was that an undershot. I drove over to his place in an appartment building about 10 minutes away from where I lived; money in my pocket and all sorts of thoughts going throughmy head as I knew not what to expect. I was very excited. I got to my buddys place and sat down on his couch. Making plans about how to hook up with shrooms, we took off to the happening area of my city, near most of the bars.
As we arrived at the place to buy mush, one of the guys went in with all our money...came out, no success, the guy was sold out. Damn, I really wanted this and had been mentally preparing my self for a long while. Then I remembered some of the guys I worked with down at the gas station, they could hook me up. We arrived there and I went inside as I was familiar with my co workers. Asked about where I coul dfind some shroomies, they said "shit man, you're in luck" one of the growers and sellers was in the station at that exact time waitin for customers. With haste I got the money, and got the shrooms. 15 minutes later I was downin' the much and while chasin it with a bottle of sprite.
Skeptical as to the effects, I thought I could control anything that happened to me. No problem, I was mentally sound and ready for anything. First thing we did after consuming the fungus was drive back up to my buddys place, in the appartment. Once back, more people stopped by his place to ask us to go smoke some pot. We accepted, no effects yet. Got into a blue van with a nice interior and drove to a local school to puff back a phat joint. About 7 guys standing in a circle smokin this joint and talkin about sports and school and whatever came up, I was feelin good, the pot hit me hard. I was feelin the weed we smoked about 15 minutes before I started to trip. Finsihing the joint, me and 3 others departed from the other 3 as they were hittin the bars. They left in the vehicle and we decided to walk and enjoy the trip which I could feel startin to come on. It was dark out and the clouds above became very low due to a sudden drop in air temperature(we have very drastic weather changes here in northern canada). The very first thing I noticed about the mushrooms I had taken was the sky. I looked at it with awe as the lights from the city had taken on a strange texture to themselves. It was as if my brain could perceive only a limited amount of colors rather than unlimited, change your monitor setting to about 256 and you'll see what I mean. This was nothing compared to what was in store for me later on that evening. Walking towards what we call the clat cliffs, we needed to cut through residential area. At this point I was becoming extremely paranoid, but that's me, the mushrooms must have enhanced my paranoia 10 fold. Walking between two houses, I noticed a deep bark coming from a dog to my left, it was dark outside and I could barely see it. Scared the shit right outta me....it seemed very primative and basic, the way the dog was reacting to the stimuli of us invading its territory. As we passed through the two houses we proceeded into the forest, it was dark inside but beyond it we could see the city lights shining from below, we were on a plateau above where the city center was. The trees around me seemed to sway back an forth as if they were communicating, they also melded to the sky in a very strange way. Looking down now, at the city, I noticed something strange about it. All the lights became intense domes of blue, orange and white, ocillating with color and a futuristic flavor to it. I was thinking about how far humans have come since our genesis and where we were going, and also how we were invading the earth but our purpose was not un justified.
At this point I was hurling towards a very hard trip, I asked one of my close friends if he was trippin, he said yeah. I asked how much I should have taken my first time, he told me about 1 or 2 grams, I took about 3.5. It musta been potent shit, I was gettin very fucked up and I couldnt control what was happening.
I realised I was losing the ability to recognize my surroundings and purpose for having the ability to consciously interact with matter. I knew I had to get somewhere safe if I was gonna survive this and come out in once piece. Looking over at my friend the scariest shit happened, I notice he was vomiting and laughing his ass off at the same time, he didnt know it he was so gone. He would puke on the ground, then look around and start going insane. As I looked at him in disgust, I decided to look at the other 2 guys, they looked insane and stupid. Why the fuck was I doing this!? I didnt know where the fuck I was at this point and I needed to get a firm grasp on location and perception of what is right and wrong. I dont know how we did it but we got inside of my friends apartment. All I remember from this was that I couldnt open the door with the key. too complicated for me with this trip goin on. Went in and started to play some really fucked up video games..Super Smah Brothers I think. I didnt want to play as everything was becoming too intense for me. Flashing colors and comical sounds would surely send me over the edge. I lied down on a bed and tried to cover up as I felt cold and scared the cops were coming, I couldnt get the blankets over me no matter how hard i tried. I gave up and gave into my fate. I decided at this point to flow with what the drug was doing to me. Looking at my legs on the bed, they started to lose unique texture and I could no longer judge how far away from me they were. they murged with the grey covers I was on and thats when I realised how fuckin fucked I was. I needed to piss, went down the hallway to the bathroom which looked like an insane asylum hallway. I had to force myself to be able to move my legs and grab the door handle to the bathroom. Pissed quickly and went back into the livingroom. I decided to lay down on the floor and experience the trip full bore from here. i knew I was losing control on the ability to grasp existence, matter, sound and any earthly stimuli. I lost the ability to see anything, but this didnt matter, I saw everything anyone could possibly imagine as on speck in the middle of infinite space. Time no longer existed and I got worried in my subconcious that what I had been percieving for 17 years was all a dream and a way for something to come out of nothing. Since the concept of nothingness is an impossibility, like any real number divided by zero, which is not possible, I had the epiphany that conciousness was derived from the impossibility of nothing. Perception is a method of creating existance and space/time out of nothing. I was at the peak of being high on mushrooms and I wanted to not be high anymore. i tried to grasp reality once again and started to come down. I was now able to judge where I was relative to me but was still seeing visual hallucinations. from here it got boring and I ended up going to sleep, woke up the next day and felt totally normal, I felt as though I was different somehow, however. Doing mushrooms changed who I was and how I now think.
It has been about 4 months since ive done mushrooms and I think another session is on the horizon. I hope Im able to enjoy the trip a little more next time and be able to make more scientific observations into why we exist and on what medium does light travel.

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