I can remember when it began. I honestly didn’t think it would work, since I’d tried it a couple of times before with very little or no effect. I had assumed mushrooms weren’t much different than weed, though I’d heard the mystical stories of “trips” and “visions” while on mushrooms. I was hoping to experience some of that. Still, I was skeptical. I was naive. But I sat, after drinking my mixture, and waited with Will and Chelsea. I was on the couch. About 30 minutes later, I began to feel funny, strange, very relaxed. I then began feeling vibrations. It was as though the Universe was feeding me with energy, quickening me for the experience I was in store for, an experience that would have sent any sober person into a panicking frenzy. I looked down at my legs, and strangely, it was very difficult for me to judge their size. I knew how big they were from experience, but at that moment I could have been looking at two leg shaped mountains and seen the same thing. I stood up, (much to the utter amazement of Will and Chelsea), and began walking around the room a little. When I looked down, the ground seemed miles away. I felt as if “up” was infinite, and I was shooting towards that infinity. Not physically growing or moving towards it, but somehow becoming one with it. I know I was talking, although I have no recollection of what was being said. The room behind me was dark, but as I spoke, there was blinding light coming from behind me, as though I were an angel from heaven, declaring God’s truth. However, when I would look back, the light would immediately dissipate, and the room would again be dark.
All of a sudden, it seemed, I entered into eternity, infinity. The physical universe, my body, was completely irrelevant. It was black, completely dark, but at the same time bright, brilliant, and colorful beyond any description. But the color was different, the light was different--it was like I was feeling the color, like it was skirting past my eyes, brain, and nervous system receptors and moving directly into my soul. (I still think that’s exactly what was happening.) I suddenly realized I had no idea how long I had been standing there. It could have been millennia, it could have been the slightest split of a second. Gravity lost all meaning. It felt as though I was floating. Though it was less than conscious, I kept asking out loud, “is this how it is?” and, “What? What? What?” over and over. Nothing made sense. Everything was foreign. I would look at the walls and they would baffle me, though I didn’t know why. Did I wonder what they were? Or what they were made of, or what they were for? Did I wonder how they got there? No. None of those things describe what I was feeling, the walls simply didn’t make sense. It was like they were the borders of the known universe that shouldn‘t have been there, that nothing was behind them, yet, infinity -- much more profound than a sober human mind, (including mine), is capable of imagining -- was just beyond those walls. The walls, floor, and ceiling, though they didn’t seem to be those exact things to me then, were separating from one another, allowing me to see through the cracks into that infinity that even God had never ventured to, or understood. It was breathtaking.
Everything was alive. Everything was coursing with metaphysical energy, and I could see it. I knew then that the life force that moves us and our cells, is everywhere, not just within the boundaries of our skins. But it is not just a “force,“ it is literally life. It flows freely through the air, over a carpet, through a piece of metal. But it is stronger with a living thing. It is more focused. But the free energy can do wondrous things, if the eye is quickened to see those things. Inanimate objects suddenly become animated. A painting takes on the life that the artist tried to give to it. The design of the carpet that was born inside someone’s artistic head flies through time and space and communicates the beauty of his very soul to the viewer with the quickened eye. One also sees how there is no such thing as “bad” energy. There is simply energy. “Evil” is completely unnatural and foreign. It is simply ignorance and fear.
Suddenly, I was thrown into another dimension again. I forgot EVERYTHING. I had no idea who I was. Strange concepts filled my head, such as the concept of my parents, or of Utah, or of Mormonism. (I was raised as a Mormon in Utah.) I had no idea if these things actually existed. To me they were simply reduced to parent-ness, Utah-ness, etc. I felt like I was waking from a dream, not sure what was real or what had simply been imagined in my head. However, through all this, I felt no fear. Only wonder.
I then realized I was on the floor, in the fetal position, licking the rug. It was incredible. My tongue seemed so much more effective a sensory organ than did my eyes. I had never experienced any sense so rich. I started crawling around, discovering a new universe around me. The amazement I felt was bewildering. I saw Chelsea on the floor, tangled in her blanket, rolling around, but I had absolutely no idea what she was or what she/it was doing. Nor did I care. On my hands and knees I was passing through the room, and I saw Will. As we locked eyes, I stopped dead in my tracks, completely entranced with the feeling of familiarity, of deja vu. “I found you.” I said. I had no idea where the words came from. But he understood the phrase the same way I did: We had been together before, in the eternities. I knew him. It was as though we had been a single soul eons ago, had split into two, and found each other again. I was thrown again into vibrantly colorful blackness, where I beheld a vision of the two of us passing through eternity together. We didn’t look like humans necessarily, in fact we had no particular shape or form. We were just entities that were bound together happily for all eternities past and to come. One without the other was an incomplete being. Satisfied with the vision, I continued in my astral voyage.
I have no idea how I figured it out, but I realized that I had to use the bathroom, and remarkably, I knew where it was and even how to use it. I walked in, shut the door, pulled down my pants, and began to urinate. The feeling was indescribable. It was as though my whole body and soul were being massaged from the inside, from every cell. It was perfectly orgasmic, although in a completely non-sexual way. I believe that had I been sober, it would have been too much pleasure to stand. Suddenly, I realized that my body and the toilet had melded together. The boundaries of my “self” now went down through the cold porcelain to the floor, and even beyond along the water pipes. I wasn’t scared, but had no idea how I would be able to undo what had just been done. I finally convinced myself that we could be separated, and stood up. Somehow I remembered how to pull up my pants, and button them up. I even flushed the toilet. In my confusion, I knocked the toilet paper off the dispenser, and the metal pieces crashed to the ground. I didn’t hear the noise, however, I SAW it. It was a brilliant explosion of white light that started at the floor and fanned out like lightening to fill the room. I was extremely startled, but also in complete awe. I then saw the mirror, and looked in. The most peculiar creature was looking back at me. He looked familiar, but had a totally furry face that was contorted and looked as though it was melting. When I would make a face, a few seconds would pass and the strange being in the mirror would then mimic my expression. It was a little too intense for me, so I left the bathroom.
I went back in the family room, sat on the floor, and saw Chelsea get up and head towards the door. I was frozen with panic. Oh my God! What if she opened the door? What would happen? Why in God’s name would she want to do that? Nearly in tears, I begged and pleaded for her to leave the door closed. I feared that the entire universe would shatter into oblivion if it was opened. I was terrified for her. However, she told me she just wanted to smoke a cigarette and opened the door anyway. I got up, dashed for her, and pulled her back inside. Calmly, Will tried to explain that it was okay if she went outside, and that he might also. I simply could not understand why they would want to. I felt like they were completely out of their minds. Reluctantly, I let them go sit on the porch, while I waited for something to happen. Nothing did, of course.
The lights of cars passing in front of the house, however, gave me a sense of paranoia. I was afraid one of those “humans” out there would discover us. They seemed to me dirty, ignorant creatures full of greed and malice. I knew that I used to be one of them, but felt blessed beyond belief that I had become enlightened. I loved them intensely, but was terrified of them at the same time.
Slowly, I made my way back up to the couch. Things were coming back to normal. I began to feel the pain of mortality fill all of my muscles and joints. I realized that they always hurt, but that I was simply used to the pain. It was like my soul was not really meant to be housed in such a flawed and limited vessel, but it would have to do. The pain receded, and suddenly, I looked up ... the trip was over.
“Wow...” Will said, profoundly. Chelsea and I nodded our heads, knowing that words could not describe how we felt. Apparently Will and Chelsea had come back to “earth” a little before me, and had already begun trying to discuss their experiences. I looked around and realized we were all exactly where we had been when we started the crazy voyage. I really wasn’t sure if it had happened at all. The time that had passed easily could have been 1,000 years, or it could have been one minute. Had I moved? Had it all been in my head? I had no idea. Later, when the concept of time gradually returned, I realized that the trip had lasted about four hours. And looking at the toilet paper rolled out on the bathroom floor, I realized that the details I remembered had actually occurred. But where was all the knowledge? Where was the infinite enlightenment? I had lost it all. I had passed back through the veil of forgetfulness. Earlier that night I was tapping into infinite and eternal truth. I literally knew EVERYTHING. I was God. But now I was again blinded by my mortal mind. In fact I couldn’t even recall in my head most of what I had experienced. There was simply no way for my sober mind to comprehend the marvelous astral plane I had just visited. The walls were no longer moving. The pattern in the carpet was still. I knew that they still had energy flowing through them, but I could no longer see it. I was sad to have lost my quickened eye, but grateful beyond belief for the experience I had just had.
I had experienced God. I had visited God's plane of existence. Infinity and Eternity were no longer just words, I had actually BEEN there. My mind and soul had been expanded.