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Once upon a time I went to Amsterdam and smoked a lot of dope, bought a dose of magic mushrooms and went back to the hostel.
Once upon a time I went to Amsterdam and smoked a lot of dope, bought a dose of magic mushrooms and went back to the hostel. This is my story: At first I ate the stalk leaving just the head. This was quite flat and smooth, I had no trouble snapping it in half. I then realised that this was the ‘host’ from holy communion. Insight into christianity #1. My girlfriend seemed to be crying (after taking her dose a couple of hours earlier) so I asked her why. She said she wasn’t crying but just not closing or blinking her eyes because of the visuals she was seeing. My mind still on religion I realised that St Bernadette etc and all the others who see the Virgin Mary etc and are crying are not really crying. A similar thing is happening – they’re just not blinking. Insight into christianity #2. I apologise – remnants of a roman catholic upbringing. Then the intense stuff started happening. Shockwaves of emotion hit me periodically and made me laugh and cry at the same time. My head and stomach would feel highly intense and warm and suddenly other emotions would gradually join. Pity and anger were the first, making my crying much more intense. Eventually all emotions filled me and I felt that I was the extreme of all emotions and that crying is the natural reaction to each of these extremes. The funny thing is that the emotions were so extreme I was experiencing an un-emotional state of calm and satisfied peace of mind. Just before this clarity of mind I fully understood human expression. Religion, science, art etc. they are all trying to express the same thing, that is the state I was experiencing. I told my girlfriend how I understood what all religions are trying to say. This is around the time I began to pity humanity for pointless gestures of expression. The state of calm I then entered though was for me the realm of understanding. I was fluidly emotional. Around here descriptions are difficult so I may get a little abstract. There was no separate emotion, anger happiness etc, just emotion. And it was moving like water ie. fluid and not still. But I talk as if I was separate to this or just experiencing this. I would ‘re-emerge’ every so often and be able to grasp some kind of meaning or assign some insight to it. This was futile however as when in this state I was it. It was ‘living in the moment’ literally. I just was. Eventually the grand finale arrived. All borders disappeared and I was free of concepts. ‘Concepts’ is the word I used at the time, meaning all concepts. The obvious ones are time, distance, language and the self. In other words I had merged with the infinite resulting in a loss of ego. What we call and how we measure our reality are just concepts which we need to get rid of if we are to attain spiritual perfection. Objectively I was nothing. Subjectively I didn’t exist. And neither did my girlfriend as I told her. She asked me if it was obvious as I had trouble explaining to her what I was. For someone freed of concepts language is unnecesary and so I had difficulty in relating my ‘experience’ to her. I just couldn’t. She hit the nail on the head when she had asked this. It’s like asking a Phd in computer programming how to turn a computer on multiplied by a billion. It was so obvious it was too obvious to explain. All I could do is attempt to talk, hesitate, shrug and move my hands palm up in a downwards gesture. Coming out of this state I understood that one of the practical implications of this was ‘minimalism’ but I still don’t fully appreciate this particular meaning. My girlfriend said that I would stare and have a look of wonder on my face, like I was having some kind of religious experience. The really funny thing is that I took 1.5g (the smallest amount) of Pscilocybe cubensis (described in the shop I bought it from as ‘ideal for beginners…mild visuals…) I think I must be a lightweight.
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