First trip: Mix of good and bad

Just a note before I begin: I'm not completely sure whether my trip was a level 2 or 3 and the mushrooms I ate were Psilocybe cubensis.

My friends and I had decided to try shrooms but they ended up trying them before me a few weeks ago. Yesterday we decided to trip so they came over to my house and we went to this field to pick some shrooms.

So we went to this field and we paid this farmer joe dude a couple bucks to go pick shrooms in his field for forty minutes. We found a bunch of them and crammed them all into a big ziploc bag. Then we went to one of their houses and we laid all the shrooms out on the carpet and cleaned them off and whatnot. At first they wanted to make smoothies out of it because of the bad taste but this was not an option after we found out his parents were home. While my friends struggled through eating them, I gobbled all my shrooms except for one medium one left. At this time my friends still had at least half of their shrooms to eat.

Then it started raining and for some reason we decided to leave right at that moment (we had planned to leave the house anyway but why at that time before we ate the shrooms still baffles me.) Anyway, we first went to this creek but it was too wet and the water was rising so instead we went to this park by his house where we toke sometimes and we took shelter under this tree where we finished the shrooms, I ate my last one in a minute or so and my friends took about another 10-20 minutes to finish theirs. One of my friends didn't completely finish his, but he ate about 3/4 of them all.

While they were finishing up their shrooms I kept laughing like as if I was really high and felt kinda light headed and whenever I would stay still for a while I would feel really weird. Then it stopped raining so we left the shelter and walked more into the middle of the park where we laughed and walked around. At this point I didnt see anything but I felt like I was high but more so.

After a while I started looking up at the clouds and they looked super trippy, they were moving really fast and coming closer towards me and earth and then moving in small patterns.

After a while of that my friends and I roamed around the park for a while until something caught my eye, this big wall at the back of the park began to move and it looked like it was breathing and living. This is said to be an effect of Psilocybe cubensis, which I thought was very cool. Also, there was this portion of the wall that had newer plaster then the rest and it looked like it was a small alley that I could go into. I then said "Sorry guys, I'm leaving" and I walked towards the wall while my friends watched, confused. When I reached the wall it was even trippier than before, it was breathing and I wanted to touch it but couldn't since there was a big ditch between me and the wall that I couldn't reach across and didn't feel like stepping into.

After I was thoroughly amused by the wall I went back to rejoin my friends where we sat on rocks for a while, debating on whether to smoke a blunt we had rolled or not. It took quite a while, or so it seemed, to decide this and finally we ended up lighting it up. by this time we were soaked by rain and pretty cold so the warmth of the blunt was quite nice.

After another "long" period of debating we decided to go somewhere warm and called a cab, which are very cheap here, to come pick us up and take us to the mall. The cab was nice and warm but one of my friends constantly talked the entire time, which must have really weirded out the driver. Once or twice I told him to chill out and stop talking for a bit. I was in the front seat and for some reason the cab felt really small and to me it looked like I was too big for it, my knees were pressed up against the dashboard part in from of me and my head was grazing the roof. Also every now and then I would go into this mode where i couldn't hear anything my friends were saying, it all sounded really echoey and distorted and quiet.

So then we got to the mall and immediately I started tripping, there were so many people and so much noise and I was taking it all in, liking the moment. We went to the bathroom and then went to the food court where we sat at a table. This is where my trip started to go downhill, I began to feel not so great and I asked my friends if we could leave the food court.

My friends decided to go get McFlurries so we went to the McFlurry stand and sat on a bench right next to it. Now the really bad part began.

While I was sitting on the bench I continuously changed my sitting position for some reason and then I started to freak out. It was like a hardcore panic attack mixed with some hallucinations and crazy noises.

I felt like dying and wanted to go to the bathroom to try to vomit up all the shrooms to get rid of the feeling. I kept covering my face with my hands and closing my eyes and I kept thinking that this was really bad and not fun. I asked my friends if we could please go somewhere or leave and I kept asking if we could go home or to someones house and go take a shower. They told me to chill and stop freaking out but I couldnt so I pulled out my cellphone which pushed my bad trip further. I was really anxious about the time and kept looking at the clock on the phone. It got worse so I called one of my good friends and said something like "Dude I took shrooms and I'm really fucked up man, please help me man." He just told me to calm down and let it pass but I said that I couldnt so I hung up.

I ended up calling him a couple more times, asking him if he could pick me up or help me somehow since my friends were enjoying their own trip and couldnt really help me, except for telling me to calm down and trying to take my phone away from me. At the time it seemed like I couldnt even communicate with my friends, I couldn't even hear or understand what one friend was saying and the other just say really...incomprehensible stuff and his words were like a blur to me.

Now to go more into detail about the bad trip and what I was feeling.

While I was sitting on the bench with my eyes closed and face covered all I could think about was that this was not normal and that it wasnt right and what people would think when they saw what I was doing, with all the looking like I was fucked up, head hanging in my lap with my hands over my face.

Then when I tried to tell myself that there was nothing to feel bad about and that my life was really good right now I couldn't even remember what actually was good about my life and what there was to look forward to or anything (more about this later.)

Then I thought about my mom and brother back home to try to stop myself from going further down but then I kept thinking that they weren't that important and I kept asking myself what they really meant to me, as in they are my family but what does that really mean in this life? At the same time I kept thinking that life was pointless and why we were even here.

It was really intense, one of the worst feelings of my life. It's really hard to explain all of it but I remember that all the voices in the background kept mixing together so that it didnt make any sense and didn't sound like any language I knew. It was like a drone of voices in the background mixed in with occasional noises that you hear in the mall.

Then, and this is the most difficult to explain, when I would open my eyes I would keep focusing and trying to...stabilize myself onto a platform but then I would slip away and move onto another platform before I mean by platform is like I would try to think normally but I couldn't because I was so high and I couldn't think straight no matter how hard I tried..again its really hard to explain.

However after a while of me freaking out and almost crying my friends started telling me to chill and reminding me that life was good. That helped a lot and I started telling myself that everything was fine. After a while I chilled out and we enjoyed the rest of the trip around the mall.

Overall it was quite an amazing experience except for that brief freakout, although it seemed like it lasted forever. The trip felt like I had touched insanity and come back. I plan to trip again soon, most likely in the next two weeks.

-Jello