was i in control?

Well, this is the first time i've posted a trip, however not the first time that i have tripped. But this one definitley needs to get down on paper (screen). Ok. To begin, most of what happened on my trip was so odd and unbelievable that I'm still not sure what was taking place to me. But heres how it started.

3 friends of mine and myself, decided to get about an ounce of shrooms and split them up. I had tripped a few times in recent weeks so i wanted to up my dosage and try and see where the mushroom would take me. My mom was home so as she went to bed around 10:00 just watching tv and dosing, we all started a fire out back and ate the mushrooms outside. Before i know it, i get that feeling in my stomach, that it is flipping upside down, and soon after that i notice things are definitly getting weird. The leaves on the trees look grey and shadowy, the fire is bright, pretty much all the usuall eye candy.

Anyways before i know it, some more people arrive and its already weird because they didn't know were tripping and there obviously finding out because were acting weird. My one friend seemed to be having what i call no effects from the mushrooms. Im not sure what he experienced becasue i did not talk to him yet. But at this point around the fire with everyone talking, i knew i had to leave and go with the two friends that i knew were atleast close to the level of experience i was. At this point my sister gets home from a party and she is tripping aswell. So i say to the two guys and my sister come with me. Follow me. Let me show you this. Conversations were weird from here though. We ended up sitting in a large field. No one could really understand me. except me. Im not sure if things were taking place in my mind only or what was happening, but before long i found myself in my bedroom. lying there. at this point i was scared in a way because i wasn't sure what was happening. i laid in my bed and for some reason everything else ceased to exist except for me and my mind. if i looked out of my door, at that instant i could hear someone call my name, or a light go on, or someone walking in, (this happened in stages), but if i didn't want to talk to them, see them, or whatever, i could just role back into my bed and take a deep breath. i could smell butterflies. butterflies is what i said, but that wasn't the smell. the smell was heaven, god, nature, etc etc. i can't be sure, but my lungs filled up to the max and i could let out a large sigh. but everything made sense together. i was no longer me. i was everything. i was my mom dad, sister, all my friends. i made them do what i wanted and realized that i had been for a long time. i finally got up from my room and went outside. they were still tripping now sitting in lawn chairs in the creek. which really freaked me out. What are you guys doing i said. as it appeared to me in the dark that they were floating on water. i talked to my one friend again, and i said to him. you don't realize where i am right now. im somewhere else. you need to come with me. we need to go. i had the feeling that if i started walking or running somewhere, that i was heading towards something. not sure what, but i wanted to go. at this point the trip was increasing, and in my mind, i was controlling everything. i was controlling what i was saying, what my friends were saying, and before i knew it, i was in the house, my mom was awake and she was hysterical. i was completley calm. walking around, hands clasped behind my back. now this was a big ordeal, but again i thought i was controlling it. in all honesty i didn't think it was really taking place, that i would just somehow if i wanted snap my fingers and change where i was or what i was doing. and from what i remember i did that a few times. at one point i was upstairs by myself. then i was on the floor petting the dog. everythign was beautifull, and then everything was ugly, but i could see it all. ugly wasn't ugly and beautifull wasn't beautifull, it was all amazing. some thigns scared me. but at this point i was completley delerious (according to my mom friends and sister). they would scream at me.. that would scare me. then i could make it calm again. (remember though, i thought i was making them scream. i thought i was them. it was like watching a movie. or being one. eventually they didn't know what to do with me, so they dragged me into the car and to the hospital. once arriving at the hospital i was still in this place where i was creating it. i was doing it all. if i didn't want to be at the hospital i didn't have to be. they got me in to the emergency room on the table to take my blood. things were very weird in the hospital. i can't stress enough how i actually felt that i was creating people. images of people. and talking to them. and then i was telling them what to say to me, and they would say what i wanted them to. things they wouldn't know anyways. which just reinforce to me that this was all a funny game, but i was playing with it. i wanted to see where i could go next. so next i realized im strapped down into the bed and they are poking me for blood and injecting me with this. ofcourse i had no pain. but i didn't like it. with people around me and my mom hysterical, saying hes not like this whats wrong with him. i remember looking at her calm as shit saying, mom its all ok. come with me. i ripped the staps off. honestly i had superhuman strenght. to me though, strenght didn't exist. physical things were not there. it was all just a part of my mind. i ripped out of my restraints. i pulled the iv out of my hand or arm. where ever it was, and started heading for the door. off i was again. lets go i said. i got to the door and couldn't open it. damn what now. so i kicked it. and punched it hard. a lady yelled to me, theres a button for it. i pressed the button and began to leave the hospital. next i was back on the bed with leather straps now on my arms and key locks on them. i wasn't going anywhere. but i was still calm. eventually the trip ended with me on the bed and my mom beside me showing me all the love she could. most of it still does not make much sense even to me, so i hope you can try and understand what i am trying to explain.

these were things that during my trip i "knew"

i could not die.
i was god.
but everything around me was part of me.
i was creating it all.
everything was good.

then when the trip was over. i realized that the above things faded away and i no longer had control. can anyone help me understand where i went to. has anyone had those feelings before. i don't know if i can do mushrooms again, becuase of what i put my family and friends through, and what i could have done to myself., but i do know, that mushrooms have something very supernatural to them, something very god like, its like a gate to heaven. or god. its hard to explain. to some this trip might sound horrible, but i can't get over it. im amazed at what happend. oh and btw, i was not charge, they realeased me the next morning, and my mom and i slept all day today. please email me with any comments.

mxw4949@hotmail.com