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Dosage: 8-10 dried Thailand-Koh Samui cubensis My third try with growing was a success.
Dosage: 8-10 dried Thailand-Koh Samui cubensis My third try with growing was a success. I had many coming up and plenty dried and ready. It was New Years Eve and the baby was staying with Grandma and Grandpa. It was time. My experience with anything mind altering did not extend beyond laughing gas at the dentist. I decided to try mushrooms because they are natural. I grabbed more than enough. I definitely wanted ego death. I blended them up with some juice and downed the pitcher. I had fasted all day so within twenty minutes I could tell something was happening. There was not any nausea and I was laying in bed, listening to Banco de Gaias Last Train to Lhasa and looking through a book on Egypt. It was a smooth transition. The visual fabric of the room went from what it normally looks like to something like netting, as if everything was layered over a quilted pattern of squares. I looked at my hands and they appeared lighter and darker like someone was shining a flashlight through them. By the time the ball was dropping in Time Square I was getting the giggles and it was more enjoyable to close my eyes and watch the visuals that worked along ot the music. Five pointed stars and Cretan labyrinths danced and followed circular paths. My wife motioned to a nature show on cobras and the images on the small television were hard to focus. I had taken the mushrooms at 11 and it was now 12:30. It was everything I had expected. It was the last thing I as I recalled for awhile. Volition: the power of choosing or determining : WILL. Loss of volition is the first thing I recall about it after becoming myself again. It was around 3:30. I do not know where I was for the intervening three hours, although I do recall vaguely returning periodically to tell my wife I love her, or to make motions with my hands or say 1 2 3 4 over and over again. I was in the bathroom, naked, laying on the carpet and staring at the wall. When I looked I could get a sense of darkness and forboding in the tile grout ... in the overflow drain of the sink and in the heat register. My wife came by and told me to check out the colors of the rug, but at this point I was past the stage of visuals and got the impression that the trip was done, at least the trippy part. My wife had gone to sleep in another room because it was hotter than normal in the house so I went back to our king sized bed where I was quickly gripped with fear. I will not begin to try to explain why it happened but I began thinking that I could not leave the room. I was hearing the sounds of the house, small creaks etc. but I also heard sounds like gunshots. Later after coming down and listening to my trip music again, I recognized some of them, but at that point I imagined them as gunshots. I thought to myself, 28 years for this to die from bad shrooms?! Even after all the research and preparation the loss of will, of self was overpowering. Irrational thoughts came and went of suicide and what lay ahead in death. I felt as if I would never sleep again. The clock was the only thing that seemed to move ahead and I feared what would come in the morning. The hardest thing to do would be to go to the hospital ... because I was sure that was necessary. I was dying! I made the choice and went in and told my wife, Forget what I said, we need to go to the hospital! And it was as if everything she said or did was in direct opposition to what I thought I needed. Paranoia and anxiety, but she kept telling me that I told her this could happen. So eventually, even though I had made it all the way downstairs and gotten dressed and had nearly tried to drive myself, I got back in bed. The paranoia passed and I felt silly but it was a great learning experience about how self-consciousness and ego and societal responsibility come rushing back with vengance after the peak. I am excited about experiencing again, but this time I will ingest less and measured quantities and do it during the day. In hindsight my advice would be, if you are doing a heroic dose then have a good guide, make sure they're there and maybe even leave yourself huge posters that say, It is okay! This is supposed to happen if you're traveling this far. :)
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