My mindset was probably not ideal for level 5 voyaging, yet despite this it did not cause any negative effects for main part of my trip.
I had been taking a MAOI for 2 weeks for the purpose of enhancing my trip (my friend had not)
I had been out that previous night to a psy-trance party, having taken a small amount
of LSD and Ecstasy and a very small amount of Cannabis. It was approximately
11am the next morning, at my friend’s house. The environment was very comfortable,
it was a large tidy room, there were UV banners on the wall, with a UV
light and other trippy material.
We were eating self-grown semi-dry Cambodian shrooms, we had about 12 in total. We did not want to take the whole dose in one go, so started with 3 mushrooms. We reached Level 3 stage.
After about 2 hours and on level 3 we knew the time was right to take the rest of the mushrooms. I took about 4 more and sat back to enjoy.
The tripping became more intense, to a point where I started loosing control
of my body. My fingers and toes were constantly twitching through my whole trip, and my left eye was completely non-operational. As I lay on the floor I could hear my friend talking but I could not tell where the voice was coming from. In fact my senses became more and more mixed up, to the point where everything was merging into the same thing.
With my eyes closed, my surroundings transformed into the start of my voyage.
I felt as if I was submerged in water - only it wasn’t water, it was the very
Essence of space-time. It was everything, it was god. There was every emotion, every colour, every moment of time and space all together and part of the same thing.
I can briefly remember thinking how lucky I was to have found this state of
Nirvana – and thinking of the millions of people on this planet who strive to find god through religion, but have not and never will experience such a profound feeling.
As I voyaged further I came to a land of paradise, all matter was made of a bright light, a kind of shining gold. It was everything, infinity - this was the "pinnacle" of everything.
Despite the intensity of this trip I felt as if my ego-less conscious mind was completely active, I could think rationally and question to myself what was happening.
My mind was trying to describe a word for the place that I was in. I thought through many words before I found the right one, “an alternative civilization”,
“the future”, “a fictional story” ? No - all of these didn’t quiet fit. What I was experiencing? Heaven? Yes heaven! The word described it perfectly. The moment I thought the word I knew that was the place I was in.
I came to find “characters” that existed in this heaven, they were kind of like aristocratic, they symbolised complete order and perfection - rulers of the land and worshipped and uniformly respected by everything that resided in it.
Although there was one focal person who I later labelled "god" there were other
Characters, particularly a woman who was dressed very classy and was the epiphany
of "seduction" – she was my feelings of lust!
Further along the trip I came to the realisation that these characters, gods, rulers of everything were actually symbols of my personality. The seduction was most insightful for me, because it was lust - something I had been experiencing and talking to my friends about that previous night.
It became apparent to me that this whole world where these characters existed in complete order and peace were actually not foreign gods, they were part of me,
and the heaven that I was in was MY heaven, it was ME.
What made this different from other trips was that I was far more aware of
what was going on, and I was in control. I was able to ask these gods what I was to do when I left the trip. I explained that I was scared of not being able to deal with what I had seen. A comforting voice replied that I should not be scared, for it was nothing to be worried about since all I had seen was my own self, i had touch my true essence and had been able to read my soul for the first time ever.
I asked how I could be happy in my life, knowing that it would always be dull compared to the heavenly state that I was in. In reply, I was shown that reality is more important than anything else whilst we are alive, and i was told to always do the best I could and to achieve my potential. I was told that this trip will help me bring together my life and have better control on what I done and who I was.
I was conflicted between the main character (me) because when I looked closely a warm and loving family was under me. I had a loving wife, and children I was proud of. I knew I loved my wife completely, but I still was really attracted to lust. I can remember it taking me some time before I could resolve this conflict of being married to someone I loved yet seeing this “Lust” and being attracted to it.
I am not married, not do I have children, yet I am with a girlfriend I love completely. I do have a problem of lusting other people but I have never been unfaithful. After much thought in my trip, I realised that the love for my family was greater than lust, yet it was clearly going to be a problem for me, since this character was a symbol of “me”. With the conflict resolved, I felt myself leaving my heaven, I was still unsure as to how I could deal with trying to explain what had happened, I was scared it would have a negative effect on me long term. Once again, I was reassured and told never to forget the meaning behind it all and that one-day I would return to it, when I am in need of reminding what I am all about.
Back to reality
When I came back to reality, I opened my eyes and was once again in my friends room. It was some time before I could talk, My mouth would move but I could
not speak any words. I saw my heaven get smaller and smaller, and my understanding
of everything shrunk to something the size of a pin-hole.
My friend unfortunately did not trip this intensely and by the time I was able
to talk he made it clear he wanted to go to sleep. Unfortunately for me, it would be another hour before I could leave. My hostile environment instantly hit me hard, my perfect experience was overwhelmed by a complete feeling that I just experienced a psychotic episode.
When I asked my friend if he thought it was a wonderful trip or a psychotic episode he said it was the later, he said "My brain could not handle it, so I went mad" When I heard these words I nearly cried, it was uncontrollable. My mind was completely overwhelmed with negative emotion. I knew this was no longer a good place for me to be.
After an hour I was barely able to leave, but I did. The drive home was very difficult, and I should not have done it but I could not stay any longer. The rest of the day was very hard for me, and I was mentally and physically very tired, there was little clarity and I was very fearful that I would no longer be normal.
When I slept, I slept like a baby. I awoke after 10 hours sleep feeling a new man.
I contribute the bad part of my trip to my surroundings and my friend’s reluctance to talk to me or help me in a positive way. Luckily, I now feel like I have been spiritually reborn, I feel almost a new person.
I can see my heaven in my mind, but only like 1% of the whole experience. I basically remember the meaning behind it all, the important thing. and I believe this experience will stay part of me forever.
I now have no desire to take any chemicals, I feel so spiritually free, its amazing. I hope to do shrooms again one day, but I know they are not needed at the moment.