Feeling it slip away

This trip occured in January 2002 and became the most enlightening one so far. It was my first experience with ego death, and my first spiritual experience ever.

It was Monday, a few weeks after my 18th Birthday and we just got a dried ounce from a trusted psychedelic connection. At this point, the most mushrooms I've done were about 3 grams of rather weak zoomers, and the highest dose of LSD was about 5 hits.

This trip however, was good and bad, mostly terrifying because the day I went on this trip, I was very sick and have been vomitting through the previous night. I ingested about 7 grams of very potent mushrooms at about 8:30 P.M., I would be tripping in my brother's room with my brother and my friend Cory. After eating the mushrooms and washing them down with juice, I sat back, tried to relax, and watched TV. Something was not right though, and about half an hour later I told my friend quietly but panicked: "I think I'm going to have a bad trip."

10 minutes later I started to really freak out and began crying non-stop. I made myself vomit whatever shrooms were inside me by drinking large amounts of water and sticking my finger down my throught. At this point I was crying, leaving a creepy aura for my brother and friend to deal with who probably never seen me in such a state. They wanted me to chill out, but it was out of the question. My mind felt like it was slipping into nothingness and I kept trying to fight it, rather then go along with it. For most of the trip I was curled up on the bed under a blanket in the fetus position crying, and calling myself an imbecile for taking so many mushrooms when I was sick. I tried to calm down by listening to some music, but when I started listening to Eiffel 65, the sound was foreign to me, and I decided I would seek comfort with my dog, Biff. While in this terrifying state, I could hear Seinfeld on TV, my brother and Cory laughing at the jokes and such while they babysat the horrible mess in the corner which was me. I was slipping in and out of reality. At one point, I started breathing heavily for God knows how long, thoughts racing through my head and vanishing seconds later. I remembered thinking about humans, and why humans love, suffer, and desire meaning. I realized that each person lives in their own world that is so important, that it made me cry thinking of all the people who have commited suicide in this world because they could no longer tolerate their own world.. At that moment, I slipped into the hole of nothingness that I have been fighting against for most of the trip. I felt a divine presence, that I now believe was God, or a higher plane beyond the physical plane where God resides. I kept clinging to this feeling that God was somehow very much with me during this difficult moment, and I began to calm down greatly afterwards, and finally, the trip became more enjoyable as I felt my mind become liquid, expanding, expanding, expanding...

I do not regret having this trip, it taught me alot.