OH man, was this a weird day.. i kinda feel like slapping myself for pourposely deleting my "live" trip report because i was pissed off at some point during the trip.
Anyhow, my 3rd time doing mush.. 1st time was 3 weak grams and i was just stoned. Second time was 8 grams and it was weird but it felt kind of fun with some bad tripping in it at times.
This time? 4 grams of what is said to be good shit and enough to make someone think they've od'd... but hell im into challenges so i take it. And so today was just that, a mind warping experience.
9:48- i remember at this time i've just finished eating all the mush (in 2 mins).. I stayed home sick from school all day so i thought i should just pop em early, im all excited and shaking.. at about 10:15 is where shit started to change colors and the carpet was kind of weird.. swirling etc.
From there i walked around getting ready to i guess go outside or something.. i kept chatting etc and then finally i went outside.. walked to the park then to the skating arena.. wow everything was kind of odd and i remember just thinking mind over matter and kept positive pretty much.
So i walk around feelin all weird.. trippin out.. i go to the mall but a cop car drove by so i was like "meh i'll just go back home".. on the way back, it just turned worse. I felt more fucked over, and as i finally got inside, i kept pacing in my house.. trying to find where i was.. it was like 11:15 and it seeemed forever to get there and to get to 11:30 which was the time i was hopin to see my buddy on his lunch break...
So i pace around, everything's all scary, because i thinking im forgetting to breath, and nothing is comfortable (sitting etc) because of the breathing.. i keep walkin around thinking everythings ok but how can i just do something to get off my mind or to kill time.. But.. my mind has the better of me. It keeps pulling me into my breathing.. my thoughts are loud in my head and the world keeps floating around me.. everything is nuts. I grab the thermometer to check my temperature, but *smash* it falls and breaks all over the kitchen floor, and i know it but i dont wanna know it, so i panic for a while and walk around it, getting my cat into a closet upstairs.. somehow.
So i know im too fucked to clean the mercury, i keep pacing around from my room to the other room non stop or to teh computer room once in a while to look at the screen and eat some cereal.. but im just so fucked.. Thats when i got the weird ass thoughts.. i was thinking i was dying for sure.. but i didnt seem to care, yet i still wanted to live. I thought i couldnt get help no matter what, hospital etc, because i'd keep trippin out with these thoughts in my head growing so loudly. I walk back and forth, odd thoughts, but i cant remember much of it right now.. i keep thinking that im not existing anymore, that im just stuck in this shroom world and im gonna die from it but i dont really mind.. but i still had a small wish or hope for living.. i keep telling myself "time.. let time go by.." but it just wouldnt.. a couple of times i ask god to keep me alive, but i really didnt care enough at the time... i thought i was going psycho.
I go outside and since i just cant sit because of the position i keep pacing around back and forth from my steps to the tree by the other neighbors.. back and forth.. and then as i was about to go back inside or something my buddy says "yo A!' from a distance.. it was all so weird and i end up walkin to him and sayin "yo man.. im fucked up.. im mental i cant think".. he just laffs a bit and his friends go "hey does he live there(me)?".. as i curse and go back to my house with an attitude. There i walk around more, the trip intensing, and eventually at like 12:45 or so (i think, i remember lookin at the clocks a lot but memory of the trip is hard to detail).. my eyes keep shutting and opening as things keep moving and sounds keep fuckin up.. thoughts sounds etc.. many times during the trip i turn on music or the tv and end up turning them off because they kept making me think of more things to add to the bad trip.. so pacing back and forther really quickly was all i could do.. but like i said eventually i layed on my bed (After several atempts of sitting on bed against wall and reading/watching tv, earlier) and just breathed hard as i closed my eyes and felt relaxed for once, finally, since my body was somewhat tired from the pacing etc, i thought.
As i lay there i just dreamed with my eyes closed, i opened them at times.. everything looks messed up, colors swirling words flying in the air shapes everywhere.. everything sounded warped like a slow mo deep voice talking "mooo mooooooo moahhhhhhhhhh". I heard many weird sounds and remixes of them in my head, like with that slow mo voice too. I finally felt relaxed and not dying anymore as i let the time pass by.. then the effects started to die down somewhat and i was able to think again for the most part, i remember everything looking cartooney as well with a cartoon drawing as the whole room. When the trip was dying down and i was normal enough again, i watched tv and let out my cat (well actually i took him to my bed and pet him as i smiled and laughed at the TV), the tv's sounds were still weird and the visuals were also wavey and messed. I then decided to quickly fix the mercury on the kitchen floor problem while still kind of messed.. i read some info that made no sense and then i called my mom and told her and she got psycho.. i got worried that the mercury was gonna kill me as well. Then i called a metal cleaning company and the guy told me to call the fire department or something so i looked in the front of the telephone book this time and found poison control and called.. The nice lady there spoke to me as i sounded all worried and uncertain, she told me to just bunch it all up and dust pan it or something.. i just kept asking her q's (and countering her statements with q's) and it was all messed.. i got most of it cleaned and was still cleaning, then my mom came home and i told her etc..
Well now everything seems ok except i think there may be mercury vapour in my house or something and i might have breahted in/touched the mercury.. But i feel satisfied with the trip and telling myself "no more drugs ever again" and i think i'll stick to that even tho i STILL sort of have a hunch of doing it again.. But hell it's not worht doing AGAIN because it just messed my mind, home, and day up and now im just not happy with life or something. Bad trips seem to be a better (yet 'worse') but more "scolding" than good trips.