This is not really a trip report but rather what I wrote about 4 hours into a very strong trip on cubensis ecuador.
This is not really a trip report but rather what I wrote about 4 hours into a very strong trip on cubensis ecuador.
the line breaks did not copy, but the original document was 24 pages long. I was sitting at my friend's computer for about 40 minutes writing this to the song "midnight in a perfect world" by DJ shadow (great song for tripping).
as in what øu are what oyu raeare what art thou divine being being noat in that sense in the world of what we fly over with my spine intertwined ev everything is trying to come into one everything is illuminated you do not know what i have here what I have here is the truth the truth despite the liexx ssxcsaaaalfred is not herea right nowm, can I take a message vaisfournirlatablee# why not try to see# if you would only look you could see so much b eauty # beauty in this world beauty is this world everything is one the world is my diary and now,,,,, eternity. (sounds as music) indeed, this is eternity.... i did not believe him when he first said it, but it is true will not suffer universe I am with ¥ou## speak to me and I will understand fucking aliens oh taht was just my body talking there, he is quite nice but he gets a little achey sometimes # like right now he hurts which is reall¥ not that nice... I wish he would stop, it woulc be very nice but there agai n you can see that bodies are really nothing at all. nothing. like a heartbeat, one, then vanish into darkness. and like that, ................... he's gone. your eeyx will not close but ¥ou will be fine it is just your self that speaks not you jusat yourself; he is not real. hwo needssss? let the love begin there's a change, he said, and it happened. and it happened. everything is illumainted everytrhing happens. everything happens. everything happens. will you still understand this when you are gone? ever¥thing happens. emptiness is form. form is emptiness. walking through the darkness through the darkness to the other side so many people in this world, so man¥ people and all think alike and all think alive and everybody is happy now just for one moment lose yourself if only l only one shades are not in my world my? who are you you there is actually someone talking to me me? no. it muist be a mistake wait for it to happen nights are better than days and yet they are worthless ironic how what is really important is in fact that which seems the least important to us now importance perhaps that is the answer invert, andyou may find that a grain of sand could indeed be the very thing you have been looking for all your life just a grain of sand and once you understand the grain of sand,,,,,,, that is the end. nirvana requires deaath afahhjedfeathdeath my body aches aga9n, I do not like hiom very much when he does that it makesm e ache you always look tired little girl l do you still dream dream in where nothing else mattered it all happened before takjjjjjjjjtalk tió you sometimei laterlll oerhapts hoerhager perhaps klanguage is useless it makes me ach3e 3ache give me soul lllllllll what is not words you spoeak but why are they darkness from you what happens th aspoeak spea k speak from my future in a motel in a small motel somewhere in a town in teh desert somewhere you you? and yet I am there meaninglesssssss cutting lingus seasons o f hip hoppp adespite its meaninglessness it make s me like it a worldly emothion cheap abut nice nonehteless what? and nobody came from the previous years with pain all over the canvas once the coasts will come together we will have fredom peace lasting forecer forever 4evver yI am a achanged man a ahcnaged ammnad I ma and changed mann to where the shiny costumes ...... nobod¥ is poarited impaired all jkust misrecognitions of the truth we all have it and yetr we follow our false truths instead most will die without ever cathing a glimpse of the truth and in august when we lie on benches spring if ever a time was connected to truh truth midnight in a perfect world midnight in a perfect world you cannot believe my happiness like midnight it is so beautiful so beautiful and it is just a feeling the feeling of total life all there right where it belongs no more struglle no more tears you are safe now I understand you no more of unfortunate midnights alone it is fine midnight is almost here the world is my ddiary diary (heart) beat heart beat beathhe breathe alive everything is alive or is nothing ? or nothing or what is midnight truth## iiI cannot even speakkkkkkkk anymore hpow strange it is with a presence strange there he was, just now no, really did you see him? wont you midnight my new favorite song dude, whereÄs my car for fucks sake danke I might as well stay an now they leave fine by me nothing else mattmmhers mathers I have a strong parental instinct strange somehow how strange like a n estranged being here music is not really real or is it hte only thign that is realll? hallo the only I am chatting with life,### with life, you ask? hmm vielleicht komme ich nach oh, how are you supposed to understand, you still live in thew world of speak fucking aches tormenting my body but who gives a fuck , he's just my body after all well, I must say that I have grown quite sentimentally attached to himj in the past seventeen decades be still now wihtin withgin you are apiece you will n0o0t suffer fuck c++ # aerag expresses its hope to escape fucking escape want to fucking escapoe break aab freaa´ée freeeee mothefuuskers++# break free like a man running alone in a meadow now that is m e like a man in a meadow I wihsh wish maedow there was a meadow in m y life t it's easy looks like heaven hheav mein name++ for a moment there I forgot what it was and yet I understood in its profoundity profanity that it is in fact me me you your eyes iwll will tongue feel wiat, we are not in nineteen seventy nine nineteen eighty when all this shit began love when it began weas it ever there before us? does love exist without humanity? or is it just merely a dream a fream m dream dreamzes dreams are so beautiful so beautiful oh why I feel so much better now in my comfy vhair chair fucking chbair dogs how do i fix this sound does it just fix izself does everything just fix istself alkohol? lächerlich lächerlich alles ist lächerlich geths dir wieder normal ich wünschte du würddest mitgehenst fukinh ache pass auf danke true friends everything lies in its simplicity what I wanted to say earlier, I like to be constructive creative always look tired++ are you really allright? here we go agian, my parentyl instincts god haha god, yea haha laugh star laughs star lieke that*laughs* wow it ereally does owrk work I enjoy my work its 22 o 6 23 0six talking to scharrer for < while now a while norw type of mid in my mind this girl is the most beautiful I CAN HARdly beliece how amaztingly beautiful she is singin standing fuck you are so fucking beautiful i can harly stand it so beautiful so amzing i ii acid in my fridge I can still type though my fingers have failed me decades ago insight foresight more sight I HAVE been qwriting for a decade now, and I can qzute honestly say tha t I enjoy my work so much I love you so much you I love you so much and you cannot even exist cannot even take the little effort to come into existance always live without insight you =? is it? wait aminute there iis it truly what I Hear is it really r3elal is it really r3al## are you really for r3al or are you just another empty form I Understand it now. form is emptiness. both cannot even exist without each other. symbiosis. yes, indeed that may be the most profound truth of them all all is trying to come into one singularity to the best o f my description one handed now++ takes one times two times the time to squeeze a lime++# dancing on the keys oh so veautifuasnfulbeautifasul+ sit up straight now, much more comfortable like that tahnks for ghaving me over, you are welcome, can I take a message? oh, wait, he's in his fucking car right now, can I put you through? thanks, trudy. hello ye,s origami, my business connection from japan want do do some businesss want to mmake som emoney money is just paaper mooney is ss jusst pppaaaoerpapterpaperpa arghafufjckjustpapaer fuckwhay cant youunderstand me just a fuucking pieve of paper and you call that a dream chasing it all your lifee liek a fucking butterfly it is just paper such a wrong world fucking tree huggers, I sound like em fucking sixties they do thatr to a man you're in the army now now you kknow what now ` note to self or w to whomever reads this fucking diary#orwhateverthefuck itis changed songs end of note to selforwhoever thefuckreads this acontinue to think now addictead to youu o addicted to you trace it back through the music seems like such a fucking long time ago a decade quite exactly I can still remember not quite time for htat yet not dead yet, no, I am not quite dfead yet I still have time, thanks I don't need you right now who are you? reader? if you understand, you are a friend or else you're neutral. no enemies for me i have seen a fairy today anda gain the aches remind me that I am jhust a human that I am just alive how sad that I am just alive when I could be so much more it really is fine eathing bread nwo now how long witll this go on last whjat will you do when it all is real again mhh it tastes good quite good really I could eath ANYRTHing anything I swear no matter and I would still like it because I can hardly taste and that which is unknown to me is friendly or atr least neutral so it could not have been bad I don'teven know who you are did I just talk about tastes? I am talking about epeople now aso many people I do not know I believ eI may actually be coming down now well, sotr of tomorrow tjos will all be foreign to me but I am her enow here nmow ferdi, if this is still on your computer, please don't read.. actually, what the fuck, if you read this then you must have already read alredy a hundred decades worth of writng from my wrist ach ufuck who cares kmusic is quite beautiful understae understat e e-trip happy pills haha fucking cheapo opioid alkaloids s I like you rplaylist, ...sleepy a good playlist to have I was wodnerirng where you pulled everything from ,music.wise when did I decisde to listen to music rather than midnight? seems like so lon gago I can actually communiceate wuth myself now "it all happened before" beginning of th egtrip, thats what I was thinking was that a man just outside?` dj fuckng shadow I never even liked him tha much until I saw this fuckign masterpiece of his *expresses music* tjese are the thoughts of a coming down tripper triptease haha are you fucking kidding me I must sound like I have fucking turret syndrome with all the fucks and such stupid actually just asa substitute word I am falling back intow the world of words now I can use them agiain.... while I do not like them quite as much as before they still seen qzute vbevqztiful to me did my hand just slip? ferdi asked, do you like that song? who do you love is it me, o r a n o t h e r who do you love i love her voice wait, here we go again no, it's ok, i'll be fine, thanks I will be it's the truth, I will be fine I will always be fine, no matte rwhat happens to me I just have to lean back and remember that I am just fine I hope I remember this in my life... so easy just detach de tach detox never have to take care again, its on repeat now I eat like a tiger hingry ach, my body hey! *my* body it used to be just *the* body looks like I am after all coming down loose ends to tie# tabs kfc I'm still not normal in the mirror I might go to sleep it#s a quarter to midno ight## be right back, bathroom there they were again, the goldfish they talked ferdis bathroom centear of my triop... maybe or not fuck, I don't even know what a light trip feel slike... I always trip my balls off like ther's no tomorrow midnithght foresight my mind wanders again I wonder if ferdi and benni are fine I#m sure they aer they like their worldy pleasures I'm fine, ferdi said, but I don't have a girlfriend is that it? well, if she would understand that would be nice I just played f9, a beautiful beat, so beautiful conclusion (...). that is my conclusion. good night.