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or account of a current drug fiend, student, raver, mucician and painter.
It was about 11 months ago, in the august of 93. In may I had ordered and received an interesting book called Psycedelics Encyclopedia, by Peter Safford. I was not that interested in psychedelics, the man I talked in phone with suggested I'd order it after I asked if they had any 'weird' books. My friend and I got into fervic research and finally found out about Psilocybe Semilanceata - A Psychedelic mushroom that grows where I live (Finland).
There really is not much of subculture for drugs or psychedelia here in Finland. We have very few words to describe states or levels of intoxication. Mostly words to describe how one is drunk (on alcohol). Few take hash or hemp, mostly here in south, in Helsinki. I had experimented with hash but it was nothing like this - no visuals, actually nothing else than deep drunkenness (There goes your gatewaydrug-theory). Also, the alcohol culture here goes something like this: "Women and children drink 2 bottles of vodka - real men 4." This was said to me by a father of a friend. Im not very much into that sort of drinking - I like more few glasses of wine with friends to loosen your talk. Basicly everyone here gets as drunk they can get. Not much of that social drinking, or taking a glass of wine with dinner. You get legs-off drunk, or dont get drunk, thats it. This is also beginning to change. The book was part of the completely new world, the second wave of Psychedelia - Techno to some, ambient or house, whatever you like (or at least to me it was).
In the beginning of the august we began searching for the mushrooms, and finally found a field full of what was supposedly Panaeolus Subbalteatus a/or Panaeolina (Sic?) Foeniscii. We both ate probably about 100 of these andd alsofound on one other field three small Semilanceata look-alikes. After about an hour we both had very slight weird feeling. Dont know if this was placebo or not, but thats what we felt. Eager for more, we got disappointed and othing happened - we didn't get to trip or anything.
So we continued roaming the countryside, and finally one day, came across the same field we had found those three small Semilanceatas. We decided to search for the mushrooms. A friend who wasnt much into finding these was also there and he had gloves on as it was a bit chilly that day. There were some of those greenspinach-like plants that sting you when you touch them (I dontt know the english name) growin on the pasture and my friend let some negative energy loose on those no-good organism that had burned his ankle while he was climbing the fence (some cows there).
Me and the other friend came across the evaporated bush, and wow! -there they were, waiting for us, just standing there - Natures perfect hallucinogen (TM): Loads of Psilocybe Semilanceatas. The cows hate to burn their mouths so they wont eat the bushes or trample them or the mushrooms near the bushes. We picked propably about 100-200 medium to large (some of the stems as tall as 20 cm). Exhilarated and hypervetilanting+happy we headed for my house.
I consumed about 40 to 50 mushrooms, fresh and pleasant tasting, actually tasting bit like water and tasteless fiber/mush. We had ried smoking amanita muscaria before, with no effect (not even nausea). My friend consumed about 50 - 60 ( I am about 170 cm, 60 kg, my friend 180/75 kg). We left the rest of the mushrooms on the plate, on the kitchen table. And got loopy - weird visuals floating before our eyes, things bulbing and twisting. The other friend thought this was funny and he decided to stay and listen to our ideas and antics. It was totally ecstatic. My room upstairs was small with coupla of chairs and a table, we darkened it and put the red light I have on. And I looked at my friends and their actions I thought I could see their thoughts, or more like what they were thinking to do next - elemental telepathy. My friend said at one point that I had a very distinct and glowing aura, as the other friend didnt have. He said that this was because I had eaten the mushrooms the other friend hadnt.
We went out for a cigarette and everything was so crisp and clear - the pines and the garden, the chilly and fresh air, sun setting and everything. As we got back in we walked around the house exploring the new dimensions it had gained, especially the wallpapers and drapes my mother had put into the livingroom - biedermayer - differend colorful flowers and patterns that seemed to live the lives of their own, the legs of the tables and chairs carved to resemble legs of animals, I feared these could any moment rush off or do something weird. We have cats and a dog and I thought they were completely normal; the cats very social and purring when scratched, the dog loyal and friendly, waving its tail and putting its paw on my knee to get some patting and attention. We also noticed echos - like reverb that repeats sound and fades it in the same time ( "HI! HI Hi hi i . ." ). Into my mind fled all kind of weird random syllables that I kept intonating. They did have some common rhythm and structure but I didnt start analysing, just kept babbling nonsense.
We slowly quieted down, I sat on the weird (it really is) divan/sofa, that has sort of wings you can lean on and the legs of a lion and some patterns all around. My other friend lied down on the floor, and the other began reading some comics (probably beginning to get bored). Having sat there for a time I thought I had wet my pants and got embrassed, but decided that if I just sit here, neither will notice. Bit later my friend got bit anxious and began inquiring on how much time is there still left. The other, one reading the comics, mumbled some numbers and I realized I couldnt get the hang of it: the concept of time had completely dissolved. After about 5 minutes countless timeasking and such I got it, but didnt remember how long the trip is - so I took the book out. Absolute + complete nonsense. I didnt even see any letters in it, just some weird glyphs and signs, that had some sort of competition going on - they were running in lines towards the center of the page. My other friend tried it - first he said that it wasnt english, then he said the letters were jumping up and down, towards and away from him. So our comicbook-reading friend had a go - he was not very good in english and hadnt read the book so he didnt find it at first, but I was able to guide him - some words just popped into my mind, like index and dosage and such. I also was starting to get anxious - my friend said he was feeling hellish. We found out we had about 4 hour left. Suddenly the room attacked me - the buzzing sound of the electricity meter coming from the hall amplified, walls breaking down in fear, a complete bad trip. My friend said he was going home and left. The other friend said he was feeling like he was dying, and as he said his heart was beating like crazy I noticed that mine was too. He said that he felt like he had 40 C fever, and I felt verrrry hot and weak too.
This was the part sense left me (and probably my friend) completely. We decided those mushrooms were poisonous, or something like that. We ran around the house. Afterwards it feels do funny, but it wasnt much then. Finally I decided to call some help. My thoughtprocess was weirdly disrupted and I somehow thougth that one needs jeans to make a call - so I got upstairs and began looking for jeans. Finally after finding jeans (or recognising the room + closet + clothes), I got to the phone and dialed - 118: beep.... beep.. (answer) Tele numbers. Can I help you? This threw me totally out of it and I didnt even fear anymore or feel or anything (The right number is in Finland 112). I was just - dont know. I just went to lie down on my bed.
After a while I thougth I had died as I could see nothing (I had the blanket pulled over my head). I saw vision of a great white light floating in nothingness (It was god or something and it was pulling me towards hir). Thousands of other balls of lights were floating towards it like fireflies, but at some point the Biggie Lightball of Ultimate Ultragodbeing didnt pull me and I felt like it said "Hey! Youre not ment to be here."
Some weird visuals and next thing i remember is the lcd of my video flashing 0:00. I began thinking this is home. My home. Whattahell? I waited for 0:01 for probably 10 - 20 minutes. Then I got it - it was hell - time didnt pass, the trip was supposed o end at about 3:00 - but I was locked here for ever. So I just lied there. How clever, I thought, so minimalistic and yet so efficient - an eternity laying on a bed. What a megabore. These I pondered probably about 2 hours and then I began to think that I'd like to see god or devil, or whoever had devised this weird hell. And began thinking: boy is he a good guy, so brilliant. Of course there are no flames in hell - someone migth like it. I began thinking all kinds of funny teddybear hells and such and then my thought trailed off and I kinda began liking it. It was fun. I have always been into using my brain not my muscles (and no Im not the nerdy type).
Finally I got down, and went downstairs. My friend had also started to get the hangofit, but said he will lay down for a while. I noticed the plate that was supposed to be full of mushrooms, at least enough for a one trip. My friend said he had taken a few more everytime he had passed the table - Wow! No wonder he felt like laying down. I ate and drank and man - was it great to be back on the normal level of thoughtprocess! I felt like returning from a long long trip to the other side of galaxy. Sun was beginning to rise although it wouldnt be visible for hours. Food was great. Water was great, everything was so goddamn great - i felt like 452 million dollars.
I have since tripped about 12 times - give or take few. I learned from this experience: You must be prepared mentally for the trip. These substances are not toys. One must be careful, or one might have to suffer. I have taken up meditation, nothing trancendal or anything, just simple breathing/ concentration exercises (Im bit sceptical about those yogas and such - there isnt much scientific evidence to make them any better than the simple practices I do.) I eat healthier food and have dropped caffeine and alcohol. Save for the tobacco still, I smoke 1-5 smokes a day. If I dont get any fo 2 hours I get very nervous and annoying.
Hope this will spread some knowledge on the subject.
But - I have never since experienced a bad trip. One very boring though, just before exams for the University: I kept thinking about my future all the time, what it will be like to study there, is it the right choice, have I read enough to get in... Like not bad, but not good. Quite constructive. Didnt give me any good insights.
Have a nice life. I know I will.