Two Jars!

It was the coldest winter night of the year, two of my friends, Rick and Grant, and myself were sitting in my apartment in Colorado after a night of partying with nothing to do. It was late and we wanted to smoke some chronic or drink some beer but there was about a foot of snow outside and noone wanted to drive. We sat watching tv until Rick asked how my mushrooms were doing. I replied, “The jars are fully colonized (I had quart jars with whole grain rye), so they’ll be done in a couple weeks.”A conversation started up about tripping, grant saying he had never tripped, and Rick stating how great they were. “We could trip right now if we wanted”, I said. “How?”, they both said in unison. I went to the back room grabbed two fully colonized jars and brought them to the kitchen where I proceeded to make a tea. When the tea was done I filled three coffee cups and said, “Drink fast!” as I handed Rick and Grant their cups. “Two jars should be enough for three people.”, I assured them. We each drank one more cup then went back to the living room. While we waited for the trip to kick in, I decided the first thing we should do is watch The Dark Side of Oz, which for those of you who don’t know is The Wizard of Oz muted with Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of The Moon played as a soundtrack. Its really trippy because the music syncs with the movie. If you want to try it just start the CD on the lion’s third roar before the beginning of the movie. Rick went to go get his VCR and movie across the hall while I hooked up my CD player. When he got back he set the VCR on top of my tv and I started to hook it up, when all of a sudden I started to get that feeling in your stomach that you get when you are falling. It had only been ten minutes since we drank the tea. “Shit!”, I said “They’re kicking in! We better get this movie started ‘cause in 10 minutes we’re gonna be in outer space.” “What do you mean gonna be?” I heard Grant say with his head buried in my couch. Around this time I came to the realization that two jars was WAY too much. Rick was still coherent so I asked him to help me get his VCR working. All the wires were mixed up and it was hard to tell where one wire began and ended. After about 5 minutes of fucking around with the wires the VCR fell off the top of the tv. Luckily I caught it but it seemed to be way to heavy for me to lift alone. So I told Rick to help me get it back on top of the tv. We were both laughing hysterically struggling with a VCR that probably weighed 5 pounds. Grant started to tell us that the VCR looked like it was eating us and I looked like the Lawnmower man since I was entangled in the wires. Then I told Rick that he wasn’t helping any and let me do it alone. Then the VCR fell off the tv. Then I told Rick to help me again. We put the VCR on the tv. Then I said, “Fuck it” and put the VCR on the floor where to my great surprise it worked just the same as on top of the tv! We both collapsed to the ground in exhaustion. Then I realized in all the chaos that I had lost the Floyd CD. Damn! By this time we were all tripping so hard anyway that noone cared so we dimmed the lights and tried to enjoy the trip. Grant was still face down on the couch mumbling about planets and where we were. Rick was holding a cigarette starring at it and occasionally asking both of us for a lighter. And I was stumbling around my apartment trying to pick things up thinking of how dirty it was. This madness went on for quite some time with occasional outbursts of “Two jars!, why two jars?”And, “I never knew you could trip so hard!”, followed by hysterical laughing. Then a lighter was found. Rick tried to light his cigarette but due to his sweaty hands holding his cigarette for an hour it was soaked and wouldn’t light. Grant’s cigarette did light though, and I was none to thrilled since he was laying on my new comfortable couch. He told me not to come into his world. So I walked on my knees over to him and snatched the cigarette out of his hands. Then the real chaos began. Grant started talking about how he had his son tomorrow and had to get home. I wouldn’t have let him leave but he cleverly said he wanted to go outside to smoke a cigarette and calm down. 5 minutes passed. 10 minutes passed. Then I realized that if just wanted to go outside to be alone why didn’t he just go on my balcony? “Maybe we should go get Grant”, Rick said. “Yeah its fucking freezing outside, what could he be doing?”, I replied. Rick said he was going to his apartment to get a coat and he left while I looked for a flashlight and a coat. When I finally found both I walked out of my apartment to find Rick across the hall holding the key in his door but not turning the handle. “Is this MY apartment?”, he said.“Yeah! Open the door already.”, I said as I went downstairs and outside to look for Grant. Grant’s car was gone. The roads were covered with snow. Bad thoughts were running through my mind. He couldn’t have possibly tried to drive in his condition, could he? What the fuck is Rick doing? I ran upstairs into his apartment. When I got inside I found Rick sitting on his bed in his room. “What the fuck are you waiting for!? We have to find out what happened to Grant.” I said. “Dude, my room is a mess.” He responded as if he was disappointed with himself. “Let’s go man! Get your coat on!” Rick grabbed a coat and started to put it on. I went into his living room to wait for him. When he came out of his room complaining that he couldn’t get his coat on I saw one of the funniest sights I had ever seen. Rick had put one arm in the sleeve of one coat and other arm in the sleeve of another coat and was try to figure out how to get the other sleeves on his arms without the jackets crossing on his back, he was very confused as to why his “coat” didn’t fit right. We soon decided it would be safer not to look for grant and just call his house to see if he got home ok. It was 5:30 am on a Sunday morning and Grant lived with his parents, so the decision to call his house was risky. Rick picked up the phone, “I’m gonna call” he said, “It’s ringing” “Hello?”, came a voice from the phone. “Hi, this is Grant’s friend Rick”, He said in what seemed to be an overly concerned voice. “It’s me dumbass what are you doing calling my house?” We had flipped out that Grant had left and rightly so, but at least he made it home ok. I will never let a friend leave tripping that hard ever again ‘cause who knows what could happen. We all learned a lot that night, but the most valuable thing learned by far that night is to get the movie started before you start tripping ; )