Okay, first off I want to say thjat I am one of the worst writers/spellers in the world, so please dont rate my report based on that.
The report Im listing is my first experience tripping ever in my life. I had no clue as to what to expect and what would happen. I had only heard one thing: "You dont have a 'bad trip' on Shrooms", so I figured they were relatively safe for me. Now for the report.
I had been at this party with a few of my brothers friends, around new years eve 99', and my brother, however was not thier. The party was booming and there were a ton of people there, and I knew none of them except 2 of my brothers friends. It was a very 'straight' crowd, most everyone there was either drinking or smoking weed, which I had taken a part in until our shrooms arrived. I had smoked weed that day a couple of times and I was feeling rather 'burnt' and tierd. The shrooms arrived around midnight, I am unsure of the does I had, but It was around 3 hand fulls of dried stems and tops. I believe they were called golden tops. They tasted awefull and I took them with some kool aid to help, litterally they tasted like crap. There were four of us who took them and we then proceeded to watch some guy play a video game and wait for them to kick in. about 25 minutes after consuming all of the shrooms I starting noticing this 'kid' was turning colors, his face a bright orange, and that was funny, all four of us thought so at least. We all saw the same thing, we looked at each other and started laughing like we were higher than A kite, it was fun.
Then I relieved what I had done, I dont think I was prepared for this in my life i thought. I stopped laughing and went into the guys room were the party was at. The room was like our sanctuary, it was reserved just for us, 'the trippers' and It had a bed and tv and your typical teenage decor. I guess becuase I got up to go to his room, all the rest of us decided they would follow, however i was trying to take a break and just relax on his bed. I started noticing the walls. They were breathing, meaning they were coming closer than further in distance. The guys ceiling that i was staring at had turned into skeletons and they were moving in a river like motion. My brothers friends were seeing alot of the same things and I think they were feeling a bit un easy as well. I was having a hard time breathing and I felt sick all of a sudden. Everything was moving and the carpet became a river of patterns. The noise form the party became so irratating. I wanted to leave, but I was a 45 minute drive form home so. I started having an anxeity attack like you wouldnt believe. And only a half hour into the trip. I immediately went into their parents room where noone was and sat on the ground and tried calming down. I was so scared, I thought they would see who I 'really was' and I felt like vomiting and I needed to pee in the worst way, but I was unable to urinate in the bathroom. I couldnt stand straight, they had the dog locked in the bathroom in there parents room and he was just barking at me viscously. So I went back and sat down on the floor. The two brothers throwing the party (whom i never had met before)came in . They asked" what are you doing"? I told them I was feeling really strange and if it would be alright for me to just chill in there for awhile. They both looked at me strange and said "yeah". I layed down next to their parents bed and closeed my eyes. Thats when It got out of control.
I strated seeing 3 dimensional catapillar things just swirling arond. The noise of the party beacame 'one', much quiter, backward noise. I staring thinking about my life. All the events, horrible and good, and I relized that earlier in the evening I was watching this guy at the party and, who was obviously gay, but he had no problem just being himself and having fun, I was angry that I couldnt just be me, I decided that the reason I felt so uncomfortable was because I didnt know harldy anyone there, and that they would figure out I was gay as well. Why I thought that I have no idea. But i didnt want them to find out my secret. So...
I ran to my car dashing through the party and jumping in it just as quick as I could. Like some freek I started the car and sped away. The car was a trip in it self, I shouldnt have been driving, I knew this, but i was so freaked that I didnt know what else to do, I could stay at the party, I was just too uncomfortabe there. My brothers friends tried stopping me as I left, they wanted to smoke some more weed, they said it "might help me". I turned them down as I was dashing outa the house.
The car ride home was out of this world! The freeways were like a roller coaster, My interior dashboard was something outa a sci fi movie. It was like I was flying a space ship, I tried lighting a cigarette, but the cigarette lighter was buzzing this noise and hot, I couldnt handle it and drive at the same time. I couldnt drive, I didnt know where i was going, the only thing i could think of was my moms, she trold me she would 'guide me' if i ever tripped, so I kept repeating ( 3 times exactly) "Im drinving to my moms" every 15 seconds or so. Just so I would forget LOL. The radio was great, I started fealing less sick and more under control, my panic attack was gone, but at the same time I was really nervouse about driving. I wouldnt recomend it. Although it was outa this world!! But believe me I will never do that again. I couldnt read the exit signs on the freeway ( i couldnt read anything, even my speed, which i beleive was around 85mph) Bu tmy got instict took over and i made it home some how. Someone was lookin out for me ;-)
I had a key to her house and went inside. It was dark, I was tripping my ass off. I could barley unlock the door, it took me like 10mins. I smoked a cigarrette and woke her up. She came out and said what are you doin? I told her I took shrooms. She didnt know what that was. But she knew I need help, I was freaked still and i thik she saw that. I went to lay in my old bed and I just couldnt relax. She went back to bed. I got up and took off my clothes, I cant remember i f i got naked or i was in my boxers but I i went in her room and tried explaing thta shrooms make you trip. She then understood. She looked like a blue bear glowing int he night. She was so kind. She went into my room with me and talked to me. I could barely understand her, We were huging, and I didnt even care that i was naked with my mom, (normally i would have been). She made me feel alot better, and I started having a good time, I started laughing and enjoying all the surroundings, everything was ALIVE and moving. She brought me some water and I asked her if I was home. She said yes, I didnt belive her, I thought I was still at this party and one of the girls there was palying a joke on me in front of everyone, acting like my mom. I really couldnt tell if i was here or there. I was so confused. I huged my mom again and she assured me "I was home" and that she " was my Mom". She was really tierd, so she figured i was good to go so She went back to bed. I layed there and watching the small amount of light, and the shadows, I reached my peak about this time. I entered a black void where my body completely didnt exist and i melted into my bed. I had a delay of feeling, when my leg would move, my brain wouldn't register the movement until like a minute. This is hard to explain, so i will skip it. For those who know what im talking about, it was really intense.
I went back into the black void. there was none there, just me, in the center, i could hear laughter, i could sense my insecurity, I felt all the fear that surounded my life. At that point the obsticles, the fear, the insecurities, the scared the pain, the everything just shattered! like glass , I reliezed it doesnt matter what people think, and if i was at that party still, so what if they were laughing at me, and knew I was gay. I gained this immediate sense of self esteem. I stood up out a the bed, went to bathroom, looked at my self in the mirror and saw my face, and how cute I was. I never relized how attractive I was. I walked into the living room and it was truning into some kinda woodsy forest made of grainy wood and leaves, thier were glowing bears and tree linmbs moving about. I just laughed and had fun with them. Everthing in the house just turned into nature.
I went outside, at this point I believe it was around 2-3 am. and noone was out. I walked to the park and talked to a tree about being gay. The tree and me talked for it seemed hours ( FYI, i was still either naked or in my boxers) We talked about how it doesnt matter what other people think of you and that I nbeed to become 'ME' and live a more comfortable happy life. The tree said "nothing matters" just try and enjoy as much of it as you can.
The trip started wearing down. I headed back home, paced for awhile thinking of everything i learned, smoked alot of cigs, and waited for the morning to come.
Since this trip I have come out of the closet, I am the happpiest I have ever been, and I thank shrooms for helping me find "ME". I have tried several other drugs, LSD has never givin me a trip like that, and I would suggest shrooms 20x more than LSD. Ecstacy was another that taught me some about my life, weed does too, but not nearly comparable to shrooms. If you are thinking about tripping go with shrooms, dont expect it to be like what anyone told you. It can be good and bad, but from my experiences with it I always learn. Use it with people you know and will accept you. If you are in the closet, shrooms probually arent the best way to come to grips with yourself and come out ot yourself, but it is the way i achieved it. One last thing, coming out, isnt just a gay, or sexuality thing, maybe your 'in your own closet' closed off, scared to be you. I came to grips with alot of the first steps of understanding your true self with my shroom experience, maybe you can to.
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