I had begged for it for so long, the desire seemed to cloud my judgment and mind.
I had begged for it for so long, the desire seemed to cloud my judgment and mind. The "Psychedelic Experience"--a thing which I had been craving for months. On the 23rd of May, I traveled to Long Island, from the Bronx, and after quite some time, I was able to acquire a little over an eight of magic shrooms, which turned out to be more powerful then i had believed.
As a preface, I was with Steph, and we were able to acquire the "devil magic" as I like to call, after quite some difficulty. We ingested the approx. eight at around 8 pm. (Might be off by an hour or so) Ah, much difficulty was found in that task! In between stuffing my mouth with a chocolate cookie, literally drinking a fourth of lemonade from a 2 liter bottle and mixing various candies, I was able, to an extent, to alleviate the horrid taste of the drug.
After some rationale thinking, we were able to find a spot that suited our desire--a place in between nature and civilization--which turned out to be Port Jefferson. To begin: An hour after taking the "D.D" (devil's drug) a "funny" feeling started to creep onto me--I could not quite describe it. We had just parked, and I was becoming a bit restless, my mouth trying to form words that didn’t quite make sense. We decided we should walk, and walk we did--out into the cold night, which we were unprepared for. McDonald’s being the closest stop, we headed there for a quick bathroom break---when i stepped into the small room, i realized that the drug was starting to take effect. I was a bit excited--especially when i looked in the mirror, asking myself with a laugh "are you ready?".
As we came out, we both smiled knowingly at each other--we knew intuitively that it had begun. I looked at steph's face, and could see the familiar hue of purple and green, which had appeared in my previous expierience. I could feel my body "turning away", in other words--becoming something of a careless extension of the mind. My mind was becoming more focused, to an extent. I cared less about bodily concerns, instead rather delving into my mind, though no insights were to be had, as of then. We walked outside, without a destination in mind.
Bricks never seemed so amazing! The pattern of the bricks turned to waves, when I walked upon them, as if i was "brick surfing". I lost sense of time soon after this. What i remember next is following a path that led to a parking lot, upon which i sat down to consider the stars. The giggles took me then--all the while Steph was being rather quiet, as she tends to do. I was doing most of the talking--which I later realized was mostly incoherent. I have no recollection of the conversations we had--though I do remember feeling ecstasy of sorts. Peace comes to mind...
We decided to walk to the dock, in time. On the way, we passed a tree--seemingly floating in the sky. Granted, it was rooted to the ground--but in my eyes, it appeared to be a plant of sorts, floating in the sea, its sea-green leaves being lazily thrust about by the current. I recall Steph saying this was a "panorama"...and i still do not know what this is. :)
We continue walking--taking note of the many police cars circling the area. This does not cause me concern, though naturally I take note. As we sit by the dock, watching the foundations sway with the bay, Steph asks me to call my sister, to confirm my sleeping/travel plans. (Side note: previously we had agreed to a plan, so this was more of a confirmation then anything else). However, my sister is upset, being too tired to pick me up. She tells me to call my father--which scares me quite a bit. I can barely maintain "normalcy" talking to her, considering the aura she is projecting at me. I hang up, and try to remain confident. The sway of the docks makes Steph sick, so we leave, with her car as the next destination. I call my father on the way--leaving a message on his voice mail of my plans.
Suddenly, fear starts creeping up on me, as I notice the cops again. An overwhelming shadow of negative energy starts to cloud my mind--fear is a terrible thing. We hurry to her car, thinking that it would be safe haven. At this point, for reasons unknown to me, fear becomes overwhelming terror, and I am forced to sobbing tears. I am confused, dejected, terrified--luckily no hallucinations flash before me. Eventually, Steph's strength helps me through it--her calm speech helps me come back from the "void"--though I will soon learn that this void is nothing compared to what will happen. We decide upon a new plan--I shall crash on her couch, and we deal with it all in the morning--as by now we are both fearful, and tired.
After she convinces me she can drive, we head to Mount Sinai. Continuously, we both assure ourselves that everything will be alright. Suddenly, on the road ahead, we start to see flashing lights. They become more and more frequent, until they appear behind us. By then I figure we have been "caught" (thinking that we had been doing something completely obvious, such as going 10 miles an hour) but it is not for us. We are both relieved--until we get to the intersection, which reveals an accident on a devastating scale--fresh tire marks, glass, crashed cars, emergency vehicles, gawking pedestrians, all awash in flashing red light. We are baffled, concerned--and I know that we must not panic--so I tell Steph to press forward, quickly escaping the mass-death behind us. If we were to "dawdle", I felt confident that the terror would increase tenfold. Eventually we reach safety, arriving home unharmed. I quickly make my way to the couch, and Steph heads to her room, after we say goodnight.
I am unprepared for what happens next...
It is then that the hallucinations take a new form--that of unwarranted evil. I am alone in this battle, I realize. Reality become meaningless, as the hallucinations soon cloud everything. Literally I cannot close my eyes, for fear of the demons that leap at me. Never before, in all my life, did I see such terrible images. Skulls, fire, demons, hands, black holes that sucked up all mass and spewed them out again, all stretched in every corner of the room, pervading even into the "sanctuary" of my mind. I am beyond terror now, I cling to my sanity. I can no longer tell what is real or not, as the hallucinations become lighting fast--"stream of consciousness" comes to mind. Numbers, letters, images...all flash before my mind in a cauldron that permeates everything--it is an oozing, unstoppable thing. I know sleep will not come.
Being also covered in darkness does not help, though turning on a light never occurred to me. I doubt it would have helped either way. Throughout the "fever", I attempt various strategies of survival--from psychically communicating with people I trust, to turning to God to help me through this ordeal. To clarify: this is what I thought I did, I do not mean to say that it actually happened--though I will say this...under this drug, my mind expanded to dimensions unfamiliar, alien. Anything is possible, under such a situation. I believe that I communicated with the "collective unconsciousness" of the world--something which we are never consciously aware of. My trip to the gates of heaven was cut short, as the gates were closed before me, and I freefell back to my mind.
Somehow, strength returned to me. Only through a sheer act of will (focusing from the light that appeared outside the window) was I able to get past all this. Eventually, sleep took me, though I cannot claim when.
Eventually, I awoke, with a need to use the bathroom. The hallucinations left--replaced instead with an eerie landscape. The lights emanating from electronics in the room seemed utterly alien. I felt as if I were in space--each step seemed to be much heavier. There was an atmosphere in everything, and when I say alien, I completely mean ALIEN. I never experienced anything like it, as it was utterly a new sensation. I was not fearful, however, given that I did not know how to feel. I found the bathroom, to be a haven from that alien world, to an extent. I looked in the mirror, something I do not recommend to anyone. To say the least, I did not look like myself. However...
The walls! Ah, the walls were amazing. A simple flower wallpaper decoration turned into a flowing mosaic--the flowers died and were reborn, died and reborn. There was no cause, only an effect. I could not tell which happened first, it was all seemless. It seemed to be an important lesson someone was trying to show me. I paid attention. I touched the wall (which reminded me of the scene from Donnie Darko, in which he is in the bathroom, surrounded by the force field). I stayed in that room for time, (since any attempt to see the time by then was impossible, all clocks were blurred out) I remember one moment, in which I looked in the mirror--I saw the reflection of the death-life dance behind me. I smiled a strange smile.
Eventually, I made it back to the couch, again entering that alien world of compressed gravity and space. Sleep came to me soon enough; never so sweet! Steph woke me around 4, to discuss the events. It seemed we shared similar experiences.
We both agreed that we had entered Hell for a time. This experience did not deter me away from psychedelics, rather it showed me that overwhelmingly, environment is more potent then the drug itself. I also learned that even in Hell, there is light.