The entities strike back
Before I begin with the experience here's some background; I've taken mushrooms many times before (I'd say about 50 times or so) over the past few years in dosages varying from 1 gram of dried Psilocybe cubensis to 60 grams of fresh ones. I also use MJ and alcohol on a somewhat regular basis (read; weekends
Anyway, it had been a while since my last trip, probably about a month I guess, and I thought a little solo tripping session might do me good. So one fine saturday in April I went off to the city to buy some mushrooms in my regular smartshop. I spent some time talking to a smartshop employee while enjoying some MJ, and I talked about how I never really got to a good trip-level on a single smartshop dosage (30 grams fresh cubensis) and therefore often had to buy 2 to get off right which meanth paying twice as much ofcourse. The guy from the smartshop was sympathetic to my situation and helped me out. He added a few extra stems and caps to my portion of shroomies without charging (or weighing) it. I thanked him and went home with about, oh I'd say about 50 grams of fresh cubes.
I cleaned up my room (in my parents' house) as I usually did before tripping and prepared a little failsafe in the form of a glass of water with a big vitamin C tablet next to it in case anything went wrong. I waited till about 9:30 AM for my mom to go to sleep. My dad was watching tv downstairs and I was sitting at my desk in my attic room ready to eat the sacrament.
I chewed down the mushrooms with some regular water (taste pretty nasty as usual) and sat down begind my desk waiting for them to hit. As I was sitting at my desk I started to think about what I was going to do during the trip.. Why I even found it nessesary to eat them in the first place. I told my mind to stop being a bitch and just enjoy the mushrooms I had purchased for it, and I went from my desk to lie down on my bed. That's when I started to notice a little stomach discomfort. I guess I didn't chew well enough (what to expect with the horrible taste) and that my stomach wasn't very pleased about this. I found it no reason to panic, and told myself this was normal, it had never really before bothered me like this, but I told myself it was nothing I couldn't handle as an experienced shroomer. I remember telling myself "Our apologies for the slight discomfort, Trip Inc. wishes you a pleasant flight!".
The effects set on surprisingly quick and quite powerfull (probably due to the empty stomach, I thought). After only 20 minutes, the more serious effects started to dawn upon me.
The effects reminded me strongly of a very serious previous trip I had. In January I had experienced my first egodeath. I ate 60 grams of fresh shrooms in my room by myself, turned the lights off and listened to Ravel's Bolero and.. Well.. I became the universe and similar ego death cliché's
. I remember it as an unpleasant experience, but a more serious side effect of this ego death experience was that every time I took shrooms after this ego death, I fell back into a similar experience. I heared scary auditory hallucinations like the ones during my ego death and started to feel like I was being thrown around other dimensions by something. This would only happen when I was alone though. When tripping in the company of others I didn't experience it.
Back to the trip at hand. 20 Minutes into the trip it was when I started hearing the same scary auditory hallucinations. I couldn't really properly describe it nor could I imitate these sounds/voices. However I did distinctly remember a few phrases , but since they were in Dutch, I won't bother you with them. I also remember very clearly how I could here a very alien sound much like something you would expect from some alien spacecraft with like beeps and clicks and stuff. I think this must have been the sound of my computer since it was on during the entire experience, but I also heared this background sound when I had my ego death experience.
Some door was opened the night I experienced ego death, and every time I took shrooms afterwards, it was re-opened. It somewhat felt like the mushrooms would tune my brain to another frequency, but I didn't particularly like what I would receive. I could feel my head being tuned into this alternate frequency again, and I knew that if I would give into it my ego would be blown to bits once again. I thought to myself "Oh boy, I'm really in for it now.". I began to panic a little. I already felt this was gonna be a hell of a trip, and I wanted to abort. I went for the vitmin C, only thinking "Abort, abort!". But when I put the pill in my mouth I had second thoughts. I remembered several texts which said vitamin C may infact boost your trip which would have been the last thing I wanted then, so I decided to take a half one to see if it would do good or bad. Back sitting at my desk, I could feel the ego death experience dawning upon me and I had to fight to keep my mind in this word, this dimension.
Then, for the first time, I felt the 'mushroom entities' very distinctly. One was mocking me, calling me a coward, saying something along the lines of "Not so tough now, are we?". I remembered that several times I bragged to my friends that with my extensive trip experience mushrooms couldn't really hurt me anymore, and I felt that the entities might had been insulted by this, and thus striking their vengance upon me. I apologized and asked 'them' politely to leave me alone, but they were determined to teach me a lesson. (However I did clearly feel a 'female' entity, which said something like "Don't be so hard on him" or something, and somehow my tripping mind gave this entity the face of an ex-girlfriend of mine who cared about me alot but who I rejected.)
Several aspects of my previous ego death kept coming to my head. I kept having the feeling that somehow my dad was looking over my shoulder, asking me something, I cannot quite remember what, it was somewhat of a vague whisper. Random sentences of every-day life kept popping to my head. Computer related sentences (Click here to apply the patch!), standard commercial taglines (Now 40% less fat!), very common phrases used by teachers at school, etc. All in a very random order really.
However, I convinced myself that if I was preoccupied by something else I wouldn't succomb to the entities and would keep my ego intact. I quickly decided to keep me occupied with watching a movie, so I turned on a movie that inspired and intrigued me for some time now. I started to watch "American Psyhco", analyzing every bit of the movie, (something I tend to do when on a high dose of mushrooms, analyzing everything). I thought deeply about every aspect of the movie, and of society, and related everything to events going on in my own life.
Then about 40 to 50 minutes into the trip, while watching the movie, my mom came up the stairs to hang up some laundry to dry. Now I'm usually capable of having a regular conversation with my parents or at least not having them notice anything about my tripping, but I still couldn't help feeling paranoid. Anyway, my mom went back to bed, and I didn't say a word to her, nor did she talk to me. I just kept focussing on the movie I was watching, deeply analyzing the characters, and their dialogues. Very interesting thoughts occurred to me while doing this the entire movie, but now they're really just quite a blur in my memory.
As for visuals, I suppose the regular shifting and a little bit of morphing was present, but I tried not to pay much attention to it. Also, I almost didn't dare close my eyes, fearing the closed eye visuals would suck me into the ego death state.
During the movie I thought much about society, money, and the effects current society has had on our 'primate' psyche. I also thought alot about my future and education and such. At the time I drew some (afterwards seeming) silly conclusions. I was under the impression that anything is possible. That everybody can do anything. That everything can be explained to everybody. I kept thinking about how everyone could go to college and get a good education, and then I pondered why people didn't. Why isn't everyone on the street wearing a 1200 dollar italian suit? Why wouldn't people want to make alot of money? Why settle for anything less then the top? After all, everybody can do everything. Everybody can, nobody wants to was my conclusion. When the movie was over, I was feeling much better. I kept thinking throughout the entire movie, and thus not about the entities, or the dawning ego death. A little detail I recall, right after the movie was over, I got on IRC, and talked to some irc buddies of mine about the experience, everything in dutch mixed with english (even though my native language is dutch, I often find I can better express a feeling or thought in English), which many people find very annoying, but I remember commenting that it sounded like an alien trying to speak 'Earth-ish'
At about midnight I was well over the peak of the experience, and was reflecting on my experience, and despite the scary start, I found it a trip well worth it having thought about alot of issues in my life and what to do with my future. I won't hesitate to take mushrooms again, but from now on I'm staying on the good side of the mushroom entities and treating the sacrament with more respect.